Do it again
by JessC27
Summary: Jenny's ghost tries to make amends for what the gypsies did to Angel and Buffy. She sends them back in time. Will everything turn out the same eventually? Will Angel leave anyway? Will it make a difference if they can prevent Jenny's death?
1. The waiting is over

**Note:** The story starts shortly after "As you were" (S6 of Buffy) and "Sleep tight" (S3 of Angel). It then becomes a rewrite of S2 and 3 of Buffy and later goes AU (at least that's the plan for now).

* * *

**Chapter 1 – The waiting is over**

"Okay, I think I have everything together."

"Good. And just in time. Otherwise we would have had to wait another year."

"How do you intend to approach them about our plan?"

"Being too forthright with them might scare them off. They are too selfless for their own good. That's why we have to deceive them a little bit at first. You will have to write something down for me, Janice. And we will need that twice."

The person addressed as Janice got pen and paper and wrote what was dictated.

"Great, now use the spell we marked a while ago in _"Transformations for everything, everybody, everywhere"_ on the notes together with the writing samples."

"Oh, I see," Janice said, smiling. "You sure this will work? It's not very specific."

"I think it will be enough. We can't risk more in case the notes get intercepted. They could have people watching them."

When Janice had cast the spell, the two notes written in one and the same hand writing turned into two completely different ones.

"Perfect. Do the same with the addresses and then send them off."

Before Janice put the notes in the envelopes she read them again:

_ I would really like to see you._

_ I will be at the motel, room 34, next Saturday, after sundown._

_ I will wait there for you. _

_ I hope you will come._

_ I miss you.  
_

"Thank you for helping me, Janice. I know you risked your life by doing this. But it is the right thing to do."

"Don't worry about it, Aunt Jenny. Family has to stick together."

"Well, the rest of the clan wants us dead for what we are trying to do. And since I am already dead, I have nothing to loose. But you do."

"I've told you before, I believe in what we are trying to do. After you told me their story… they deserve a second chance. You already feel guilty enough about them. Please don't feel guilty about me, too. There's no need. It is my life and it was my decision to help you."

"Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Believe me, Aunt Jenny, I do. Because it means just as much to me by now. Otherwise I wouldn't have spent the last three years trying to find a way to make this happen."

* * *

Jenny Calendar of the clan of the Kalderash, formerly known as Janna – she had dropped that name permanently to signify that she had left her clan once and for all – had died by the hands of Angelus the vampire. Her death had been the result of her clan's punishment of a man for sins he hadn't committed. In order to get vengeance - as they liked to call it - for the murder of one of their clan by a demon, they had forced a man's soul to live with the memories of the demon's sins for all eternity. And then they had neglected to mention that this vengeance was quite a tricky thing and came attached with conditions. And when the soul had been lost – again – Jenny was the one who had to pay the price. And Buffy. And Angel, once the soul had been returned – again.

When Jenny had come to, she had been neither in heaven nor in hell. She had been still on earth. And she had been a ghost. She had been restless, feeling guilty about her own death, about how in the aftermath of it all someone who hadn't had any part in her murder had to suffer again for sins he hadn't committed. Jenny wouldn't have been surprised if she had woken up in hell, as she considered it her own fault that she was dead now. She could have prevented everything. But the obligations to her clan had made her hesitant. She should have simply listened to her heart. She should have confided in the man she loved, she should have told Giles. She shouldn't have kept secrets from Buffy and Angel, when those secrets had concerned them. Even though she had felt that her clan was in the wrong, Jenny had deceived her friends and loved ones. And because of that, they had despised her almost until her death. But now she was listening to her heart. It told her to make amends, to make up for what had happened, to offer Buffy and Angel at least some degree of peace of mind. Jenny had seen them suffer so much over the last few years, her heart bled for them. And she couldn't help but wonder, if Angelus hadn't killed her, would things have happened differently?

Jenny had searched for months to find something to help them, to ease their pain. But as a ghost her options and resources had been limited. She had needed help. She still had a niece she trusted, Janice. After hearing Jenny's story, Janice had been close to tears herself and felt ashamed for what her clan was capable of doing in the name of vengeance. She had agreed to help Jenny. When they had started, they didn't even know what they were looking for. And the more time passed, the worse everything got. Gradually, Jenny came to the conclusion that only finding a way to turn back time would do. Again it had taken them months to find a powerful enough spell to achieve their goal, to collect all the requisites and ingredients. And then they had had to wait, because the spell could only be performed once a year, when the planets were in the right alignment. And then Buffy had died. Jenny had been devastated that they had been too late. She had blamed herself for everything all over again.

When Buffy returned from the dead, they had already abandoned their plan, since Buffy had to be alive for the spell. Janice had gone back to her normal life. And Jenny had resigned herself to watch Giles mourn his Slayer. So they had been completely caught off guard by Buffy's return and the time was ticking as that one suitable day for the spell was approaching fast. They had hurried to prepare anew for the spell and get everything together again as fast as they could. They didn't want to risk having to wait another whole year if they missed the date. Who knew if everybody would survive until then. So here they were now, ready to go, only needing two more things, two more people to be exact: Buffy and Angel.

TBC


	2. Easy decisions, hard decisions

**Chapter 2 – Easy decisions, hard decisions**

Saturday, after sundown

Buffy had arrived first at the motel, as she was not dependent on the setting sun. All day, she hadn't been able to think about anything else than coming here. It was the same motel they had met last time, when she had come back from the dead. She was flipping through the channels, not really seeing what was on anyway, and glanced towards the window at least once every minute, urging the sun to set faster than usual.

When Angel knocked at the door of room 34, he knew Buffy was already there. He would have come earlier as well, if it had been possible. He didn't wait for Buffy to answer. He simply opened the door and relished the sight of her from where he stood.

Buffy was rooted to the floor. The knocking on the door had made her jump up. She knew that it was Angel. But her slayer training combined with her impatience to see him had put her even more on edge. Actually seeing him standing there took her by surprise. It seemed like she hadn't seen him for ages, although they had met just a few months earlier. Finally, she managed a small, tentative smile. But her eyes told Angel so much more. There was hope and despair, uncertainty and longing. And unconditional love. A love that had developed over years, years of absence, years with very little to go on and to nurse that love. But it was there nonetheless. And maybe that was what made it so special and so much stronger.

"I am so glad to see you," Angel said.

"Me too."

"Can I come in?" At her confused look he said, "You were here first this time, so officially it's your room."

"Oh, sure, come in."

Angel came in and closed the door. Slowly he walked towards Buffy. When they stood almost toe to toe he tenderly brushed his fingers over her cheek. Buffy stood stock-still, afraid that he would disappear if she moved or tried to hold on to him. Angel was afraid she would disappear if he didn't hold on to her. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly to his body, never wanting to let her go.

The moment Buffy felt his arms around her she felt so relieved she wanted to cry. This was what it was supposed to feel like when you were in the arms of your lover. That feeling of security, comfort and belonging. They stood like that for almost a minute. Then Angel pulled back slightly. He bent down and gently kissed her lips. And Buffy responded. She couldn't have resisted if her life depended on it, which wasn't surprising, since her life didn't mean much to her at the moment. As it was, her life might just as well depend on that kiss. She hadn't felt that normal in a long time. Before the kiss got too heated, they both pulled back, content for the moment. Buffy leaned against his chest. Angel gently stroked her back.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to go out and eat something?"

"No."

"You want to stay here?"

"Yes."

"Then how about we move this to some place more comfortable?"

"Like the bed?"

"My thought exactly."

Buffy let go of him and Angel removed his coat and shoes. He lay down on the bed and motioned for her to join him.

When she settled in his arms she asked, "Do you really think this is a good idea?"

"Yes, it is." Sensing that Buffy was still a little tense, he added, "Sex wouldn't solve a thing for me, Buffy. Only holding you will do that."

He had lost Connor, he didn't want to loose her, too, not again. He needed her close. He needed to hold her more than he needed anything else. He needed to never let her go again. At least for a few hours he wanted to be able to enjoy that illusion. For that was all they ever had, a few hours. Angel longed to see her much more often, but every meeting also meant separating and leaving as well. Sometimes he thought it was getting easier, but the next time it was just as hard. He had gone through it too often already. And then she had died and returned. Then Connor had been kidnapped. It was all too much.

"Yes, I know what you mean," Buffy agreed.

She didn't need sex. She didn't even want sex at the moment. It definitely wasn't a solution to her problems either. She knew that from experience. Sex with Spike only made her feel worse. It made her feel guilty and dirty. It released some of her energy, some of her anger, but it never made her feel better. She regretted it, but didn't know how to stop. She was desperate enough to try anything to make the pain go away. And she hated herself for that.

Buffy relaxed further into Angel's embrace. How could something so simple and banal make her feel so at peace? She was so glad she had come, although it never had been a real decision anyway. When Buffy had received the note she had only been sad that Saturday had still been two days away. She hadn't thought once about going or not going. There simply was no decision to be made. And she desperately needed to get away. She had immediately packed a small bag, not much, just a tooth brush, comfy clothes, some stakes and holy water - essential in any Slayer travel bag – and even a sexy negligee. One never knew. After all these years, Buffy still dreamt of the day when Angel would tell her he found a way to bind his soul. She knew the odds were so not in her favor. But she had made her Slayer motto – always be prepared for anything, no matter how unlikely an apocalypse is – into her own personal motto as well, just without the apocalypse part, of course.

When Angel had received the note, he had wondered if Buffy somehow had heard about Connor's kidnapping. Maybe Cordelia had told one of the Scooby Gang. Buffy would know how lost he felt, how much pain it would cause, how something like this could turn your world upside down. She had lost her mother only recently. And then she had been pulled from heaven. Buffy had admitted to him how completely lost she had felt at their last meeting at this motel. And even without her telling him, Angel had seen it clearly. Buffy had hardly been able to form a clear thought then, her thoughts had constantly been drifting somewhere else. Her eyes had begged him to make it better. But he hadn't known how. He could do nothing more than listen to her ranting and raving about what the others had done and hold her while she had cried. Buffy had assured him that his being there had helped, that she had just needed a break from everybody else. Angel hadn't really been convinced and now he was sad and worried to see that she still wasn't much better.

Maybe the note had been her way of offering him to talk without sounding too pushy. Or maybe she simply needed to see him. How selfish of him to think that only he had problems. But in the end he didn't care why Buffy wanted to see him. He just desperately wanted to see her, no matter what the reason was. And with Connor gone, nothing else seemed important anymore, nobody else but her mattered anymore. Even one of his closest friends had betrayed him. Could he trust anybody else after that? Would they all turn their back on him eventually and betray him? Had they ever trusted him, a vampire, completely? The only person Angel was absolutely sure he could still trust, and would always trust, was Buffy. She never judged him because of what he was. Sure, she judged him on the mistakes he had made. That was only fair. But she never assumed that he would mess up because he was a vampire.

They were simply lying on the bed, holding on to each other. They didn't need anything else. There was so much to talk about, but there really was no need. A few tears were running down Buffy's cheeks. Angel couldn't see them, but he could smell them.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing. I was just thinking. But I'm okay, at least right now. Right now is good."

"I'm here, if you want to talk."

"No, no talking. Just you. Here. That's all I need."

Angel gently stroked her back and Buffy snuggled even closer.

"Um… do you want to talk?" Buffy offered.

"No, not right now," Angel answered. He was totally content with just holding her.

So they just kept lying there in each other arms, without saying a word, simply enjoying each other's closeness, when Buffy said, "I'm so glad you asked me to come here. I didn't have the courage to do it, not so shortly after we had met. I wanted to but-"

"What?" Angel asked confused. But it only took him a few seconds to put two and two together. Was this a set-up? "Buffy, I never wrote to you. I got a note from you to meet you here."

"I didn't…" Buffy trailed off, realizing that something was very wrong.

"Someone set us up." Angel got off the bed and rushed to the window, looking outside. "I can't see anybody. But still, we should change locations."

"Or just go home." Buffy said dejectedly. She was disappointed that Angel hadn't sent her the note.

Angel caught on immediately. Taking her face in his hands he said, "Buffy, I am so glad to be here. I didn't know how badly I needed to see you until that note came. In a way I am thankful to whoever set this up - as long as it doesn't get us killed as well."

"Me too."

"Good, then let's get out of here." Angel took Buffy's hand and they made for the door.

That was the moment Jenny decided to show herself, in a very ghostly way. She had been waiting in the adjoining room with Janice, listening in through the wall. She had wanted to give them some time to just be together. They were so used to ignoring their own needs. But when Buffy and Angel started to leave, Jenny made an appearance by coming right through the wall. "Wait! Don't go."

"What the hell?"

"Hello Buffy, hello Angel. It's been a while." Jenny smiled at them fondly.

"You are supposed to be dead," Buffy stammered.

"I am dead. But we don't have much time, so listen closely. I found a way to change things."

"Change? Things?" Buffy asked confused.

"Yes, change the things from the past. I blame myself for so much that has happened to both of you. I constantly think that if I hadn't worked alone at night in the school, all this would never have happened. If I had been honest with you, and with Giles, about what I knew about Angel's curse, it wouldn't have happened."

"Are you sure this is not a ploy to get us killed? Because we already covered that a couple of years ago, you know, Jenny's ghost appearing to make our lives miserable."

"No, this is not a trick. Please, trust me. I can offer you a way out, to do it all over again. I can send you back in time."

"How would that work?" Angel asked. Up to this point he had been too shocked by Jenny's appearance to say anything. It brought back memories from the night he had killed her.

"You would know what will happen, what could happen. I wouldn't have to die, and you, Angel, you won't have to feel guilty about my death any longer. Buffy, you could maybe save your mother. I say maybe, as I can offer you no guarantees, just opportunities. Nothing more."

"It could also change everything and make everything worse," Angel said.

"It's a possibility," Jenny admitted, "But with the knowledge you have, I don't believe it would."

"We have to think about this," Buffy said.

"We don't have much time left." Angel and Buffy looked at her suspiciously. "The spell only works once a year, the planets have to be aligned right. If you want it to work, it has to be done tonight."

Jenny could have approached Buffy and Angel before today to explain everything. But she hadn't wanted to give them too much time to think it over and talk themselves out of it. She had bet on the spur of the moment combined with an emotional meeting away from all their responsibilities, hoping that it would make them more focused on themselves than on others for once.

"Maybe we should go next door. I want you to meet somebody. I asked my niece Janice to help me with the spell."

"No, you as a ghost is strange enough, but not another gypsy. Let's go Angel." Buffy started for the door again.

"I had to ask her. I trust her. I needed her help to search for a way and to prepare the spell as I cannot touch or move objects in my state. We've worked together on this for years now. If she wasn't to be trusted, she would have told our clan by now and they would have found a way to stop us. Not that they haven't found out anyway. They suspect something is going on. But without Janice, I wouldn't be able to offer you this today."

Angel and Buffy looked at each other, gauging what the other one wanted to do. Jenny saw their indecision and went on, addressing Angel, "Buffy wouldn't have to die. It's preventable. It wasn't necessary."

"But she would still remember what heaven was like anyway, right? I mean, we can't forget if you want us to change things."

"Yes, but it would have been in another life time. You can be together. You can replace the bad memories with new ones. Make it worth living again. Wouldn't it be at least better than going on like this? You can change the things that went wrong. Undo them and forget that they ever happened."

Jenny gave them a moment to let everything sink in before she continued. "Angel, you wouldn't have to burden yourself with my death any longer. It wasn't your fault anyway." Addressing Buffy, she went on, "And it wasn't your fault either. It was mine. And if I hadn't died, the others wouldn't have had a reason to hate Angel. I know how much that wore you down, Buffy. And Giles would…" Jenny couldn't go on and she didn't want them to feel obliged to Giles or anybody else.

"Giles regarded you very highly, Angel. But because his loss was very personal, he wasn't able to see beyond his pain. Buffy, Angel, don't get me wrong, I don't want you to do this for anyone else but you. You had to suffer so much, it broke my heart. But if you decide to simply continue on, then I will at least know that you chose to do so, not that it was forced on you without a choice. I am simply offering you a choice. Don't feel obliged to me or anyone else."

Jenny had never really considered that they wouldn't want to go back. She had been so sure. She had seen them brood and cry when nobody else but her had been watching. All their efforts would have been for nothing. But it was their decision and she would have to accept whatever they chose to do.

"I… I don't think it would change much, Jenny," Buffy said sadly.

"Of course it would."

"Do you know a way to bind Angel's soul?"

"No, I am sorry. We looked into it, but…" she just shook her head.

"Then everything will happen the same." Angel would leave her anyway. Buffy had come to understand that it wasn't the sex alone, it was their being together, the constant temptation, his expectations for her life.

"Buffy, I… maybe I made a mistake when I left you. Since you died, I've been blaming myself everyday that I could have prevented it."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Maybe not, but maybe it was. But there is a way to find that out now."

"It happened, I am back, so you can stop blaming yourself." She didn't want him to stay with her out of guilt.

"Buffy, I know you are not alright. You pretend for the others. Please, don't do that with me. I know you are hurting. Don't deny it. And I have nothing that holds me here anymore."

"I won't let you do that. What about Connor?"

So she did know.

"Connor is gone, we can't find him, can't get to him."

"You don't know that for sure."

"Maybe Wesley was right. Maybe Connor is safer where he is now. The prophecy says I will kill him. It was never meant to be," Angel said sadly.

"And what would you do differently? You would still leave, wouldn't you?"

"Maybe we could find an arrangement. We deserve another chance, don't you think?" He wasn't sure what kind of arrangement that would be and he didn't want to think too hard about it. He just knew he didn't want to loose her.

Jenny interrupted them. "Listen, you have to decide soon. Let's go next door so you can meet Janice."

Wordlessly and deep in thought they followed Jenny to the other room, where Janice was waiting for them.

"Wait," Angel said "I heard something."

When he looked around to see where the noise had come from, a group of five people emerged from behind some parked cars and charged towards them.

"Close the door!" Jenny yelled. "Janice, seal it!"

Angel slammed the door shut and Janice sealed the door with a spell to prevent anybody from coming inside.

"Damn it, the clan was watching them after all. They must have followed them here." Turning to Buffy and Angel she urged them, "You have to decide now!"

"We have to get rid of your pesky family first," Buffy said.

"We don't have time. Don't worry about us. What is your answer?"

The clock was ticking. The clan was banging against the door and chanting spells, trying to find one that would counteract Janice's.

"Buffy, what do you want to do?" Angel asked unsure.

"I don't know," she yelled over the noise. "What do you want?"

Jenny intervened. "Do you still love each other?"

"Always," Angel said.

"Forever," Buffy added.

"Are you happy how it is?"

Neither did answer, but it was answer enough.

"Then you have nothing to loose. Don't think about anybody else. Be selfish for once."

"It might be worse," Buffy said, still unsure.

"It might be better."

"How is that gonna work?" Buffy asked Angel. He knew she didn't mean the spell. They had messed up once before. No matter what Jenny said, her death wasn't the only variable in all this.

"I don't know. We'll figure it out."

Buffy was still torn. What about Dawn? What about her friends? Would her going back have negative consequences for them? But maybe she could give Dawn their mother back. What about Giles? Would he do it, if he knew he could have Jenny back? What was holding her back? What did she have to loose? Loosing Angel all over again. That was the only thing she couldn't bear.

"I love you, Buffy."

To hell with it. Since when was she a chicken? She was the Slayer. She thrived on risky situations. She never backed down from a challenge.

"What's it gonna be?" Jenny asked again.

"Do it!"

Janice had been ready for them all along. All ingredients had been prepared and were within reach. She immediately started performing the spell. She chanted some words in a language neither Angel nor Buffy had ever heard. Then she moved some stones laid out on the table before her with one hand while sprinkling them with herbs and who knows what. Slowly the table started to vibrate and the stones began to float and spin in midair.

Buffy suddenly felt dizzy. She thought she was going to faint and sought hold by grabbing onto Angel's arm. Angel was also getting unsteady on his legs. He fell to his knees and pulled Buffy down with him. He pulled her against his chest and when his strength left him he let himself fall to the floor back first to make sure he wouldn't crush Buffy but that she landed on him. Then everything went black.

TBC


	3. Surprise

**Chapter 3 – "Surprise"**

**Note:**

Thanks for all the encouraging reviews!

This is the last "prologue" chapter before we'll really dive back into season 2 – and start messing with it. If you still want to, that is… ;-)

* * *

Buffy woke up. She couldn't remember where she was. But she felt Angel's arms around her and knew she was safe. Then she realized that she was wet. They were both wet. She opened her eyes. They were both lying on the floor, on the floor of his old apartment in Sunnydale. Angel groaned beneath her.

"Angel? What happened?"

"I don't know. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She still felt a bit dizzy and disoriented, but otherwise she was fine.

Angel looked around. "What the hell?"

"Did you see Miss Calendar's ghost, too, or did I dream that?" Buffy asked confused.

"I saw her, too." Angel pushed Buffy gently away from him to look her over, making sure she was really alright. That's when he noticed that they were both soaked and that she was wearing different clothes. They'd only been that soaked once. Well, twice actually, but both on the same day.

"We are in Sunnydale. We are in your old apartment. How did we get here?"

"I don't know." Angel got the feeling that he not only knew where they were, but also when. He reached around and touched her back, near her shoulder, checking something. Buffy hissed in pain.

"Sorry."

Buffy realized what he had been looking for. The cut on her back. "Oh, God. We are…"

"Yes, I think we are really… back. Back before…"

They were still lying on the floor on top of each other. They were in shock and trying to wrap their heads around what had happened during the last five minutes. It had all happened so quickly. Jenny hadn't had any time to explain how exactly the spell would work, where it would send them. Now they knew.

"That means… today… we…" Tears started rolling down Buffy's cheeks. She knew in this new reality or timeline - or whatever it was - she'd never get to be with Angel even once.

"Ssh, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay."

"Buffy, I know what you are thinking. But it also means that we can prevent Angelus from getting free. It means… I will never kill all those people… Miss Calendar."

"Oh God, do you think she is really still alive?"

"If we really are back in time, then she should be."

"Why did she have to send us back right to this night?" Buffy asked miserably.

"She probably didn't want to send us any further back in time than she had to."

"Quite a close call," Buffy remarked.

"Yeah, seems like she really knew what she was doing though."

"You doubted her and still agreed?" Buffy asked surprised.

"Well, we really didn't have much to loose."

Angel felt somehow numb and overwhelmed at the same time from all the implications. It was like being thrown in at the deep end. So much was going through his head. Angel sat up and deposited Buffy next to him on the floor. Finally he said, "I should take you home."

"What? No!"

"Buffy…"

"I know we can't… ever…," Her tears started again. "But I don't want to spend tonight away from you. Please. Don't make me. Not tonight. I want to spend tonight with you. Even if we can't… I need to be with you tonight."

"Buffy…"

"We know what will happen, would happen."

Angel didn't reply, he just looked at the floor.

"Or do you want me to leave?" she asked unsure, afraid.

Still looking at the floor he said quietly, "No."

"Good." Buffy stroked his cheek with her hand.

Angel noticed how cold she was. He grabbed her hand and rubbed it between his hands. When he looked at her she was shivering. She needed to get out of those wet clothes, but he didn't know what to say. The only words that came to his mind were what he had said to her four years ago. _You are shaking like a leaf_. But he couldn't bring himself to say them again out loud. And he couldn't think of anything else. He wasn't really superstitious, but better safe than sorry, very sorry in their case. This had to be different.

Buffy could see Angel didn't know what to do, so she said, "Um… I'll grab some of your clothes and change, if that's okay with you."

Angel just nodded. He didn't trust himself to do anything else. He simply kept sitting there on the floor while Buffy went over to his wardrobe and picked out some clothes.

When Buffy turned her back to him and started getting out of her wet clothes Angel mentally groaned and lay back down on the floor to stare at the ceiling. He knew what she looked like naked. The picture of her beautiful, flawless body was burned into his soul forever. But he didn't need the temptation, not tonight. Still, he could hear exactly which piece of her clothing she was stripping off. First her shoes, then her cardigan, next were her pants. Angel had a hard time concentrating on the ceiling, finding something that would keep his interest. When he heard her taking off her top, he couldn't help but steal a glance in her direction. He knew she wasn't wearing a bra. He just wanted to get a glance for one second and then stare at the damn ceiling again. But when his eyes fell on her graceful form, he was trapped.

Buffy had just pulled the top over her head, standing there with wet hair and nothing but her panties on. Angel was mesmerized. The ceiling was forgotten. God, he still wanted her so much. This whole do-it-differently-thing was gonna be harder than he had thought it would be. Buffy didn't notice her audience and peeled off her panties as well. She quickly pulled on the sweat pants and shirt, then turned around. And looked right into Angel's eyes. When he noticed that Buffy had caught him staring at her - she looked more amused than angry - Angel groaned and faced the ceiling again. He shouldn't have looked. Now he knew she wasn't wearing anything underneath his clothes.

Buffy walked over to him until she stood in his field of view. She stretched out her hand to him. "Come on. We have a big day tomorrow."

Angel took her hand and she helped him up. When they reached his bed, Angel turned her towards him. He observed her more closely. The light where they had landed had been too dim to see, but now he noticed that she looked slightly different, younger. She looked exactly like that night four years ago. Angel gently brushed back her hair from her neck. Softly, he touched the place where her scar should have been.

"What's wrong?"

"Your scar is gone."

"What?"

"It's not just the scar. I couldn't tell at first, because of the light and your wet hair. But you look exactly like four years ago."

"You mean I look younger?"

"Yeah."

"I guess that's a good thing."

"You always look beautiful. Come on, let's get you under the covers."

Angel pulled the covers back and tucked her in, wrapping her in several blankets to warm her up and to keep them from getting too close. He lay down next to her, on top of the covers. Then he pulled her into his arms and started stroking her back.

"I can't sleep," Buffy said.

"Try."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me," he coaxed.

"I want to kiss you really badly."

Angel sighed. He wanted that, too. And hadn't they just done that back in the motel and nothing had happened? But wasn't that also how the whole mess had started back then? With a simple kiss? Even though Buffy was lying beneath all those blankets and clothes, beneath that Angel could exactly picture her beautiful and silky naked body. How were they gonna do this? What would Buffy expect of him? How much could he give her without crossing into dangerous territory, without going too far?

"Just one kiss. It's my birthday after all."

Angel slowly leaned over her and just took in the sight of her. Her hair was still slightly wet. Her cheeks were starting to get a rosy color, a sign that Buffy was starting to get warmer. Her lips were deliciously red, just like the blood that was running beneath them. Angel leaned in closer until his lips softly brushed Buffy's. He could feel how her breathing accelerated. Slowly he opened his mouth and lightly licked her lips with his tongue. Buffy didn't do anything. She was aware that Angel was afraid of going too far, of loosing control, especially tonight. So she wouldn't do anything that would scare him away. She would let him do as he liked.

Once Angel had gotten a taste of Buffy, he wanted more. He pressed his lips to hers and slowly but steadily deepened the kiss. Buffy only reacted and mimicked his actions, making no attempts to push Angel further than he was willing to go. But when Angel realized that one of his hands was roaming over Buffy's body, he quickly withdrew it and softened the kiss. Gently stroking her hair, he placed a final kiss on her forehead and lay back, pulling Buffy back into his arms.

"Thanks, I think I can sleep now."

Then Buffy remembered something. She pulled her hand out from under the covers and looked at it. "My ring."

Somehow the ring reassured her. Buffy felt instantly calmer knowing it was there, on her finger, where it belonged. From the day she had taken it off until today it had felt like something always had been missing. And now it was back.

Buffy smiled the real first smile Angel had seen from her in a long, long time. It was a beautiful sight.

"Happy birthday," Angel said lovingly.

"Best present ever. Or Again." Buffy chuckled. She was actually happy. "There's only one thing that could make me even happier."

"And what's that?"

"Promise me you will be here when I wake up tomorrow morning. Promise me I will wake up in your arms."

Angel kissed the ring on her finger. "I promise."

* * *

None of them got much sleep during the night. They were mainly dozing, too afraid to fall asleep and wake back up in that motel. Finally, a few hours before dawn, Buffy drifted off, feeling simply too relaxed and comfortable in Angel's arms to not give in to sleep. Angel didn't sleep at all. Too much was going through his head. His brain was spinning like crazy. Between seeing Jenny's ghost, escaping from those vengeance-obsessed gypsies, being thrown back four years in time to exactly that one night that had changed everything and seeing Buffy naked, only one thought remained clear in the mess that was his brain: _Don't mess this up! Don't mess this up! _He completely agreed with that. Now, if this message only came with instructions or a step-by-step plan, everything could be so simple. Of course, everything was far from simple.

"What are you thinking about?" Buffy asked drowsily.

"Lots of stuff."

"Do I want to know where your thoughts are taking you?"

"Probably not."

"You are not thinking of leaving, are you?"

"We have to weigh all possibilities and options."

"You know, if you want to leave again, then we didn't have to do this," Buffy said, starting to get angry.

"Jenny is still alive. It already changes so much."

"Great, now you can go on and live your terrific life. Your main problem is solved. You'll never have to feel guilty about Jenny again. Splendid. And for me nothing changes. What a deal."

"Buffy, don't be like this."

"Like what? You are the one who is an egoistic bastard. What was all the talk in the motel about then?"

"I meant that, every word. I love you."

"You said you made a mistake by leaving."

"I said-"

"Stop it, I don't care what words you used. You made me believe you would stay this time."

"I am just saying we should consider all eventualities. My staying will have consequences, one way or the other."

"Wasn't that what we were aiming for? Like Jenny said, make new memories, better memories?"

"I want that too, but-"

"No buts. We are in this together. Together." Buffy understood that he was afraid. So was she. The consequences last time had been too dire to dismiss them as trivialities now. But running away wasn't the solution, at least not in Buffy's mind. She just had to make Angel see that as well. "Don't leave. Please, Angel. I understand why you did it, but we never really tried."

"It's not like we would get to try a second time. If we messed up once…"

"We won't," she tried to reassure him.

"We can't risk that."

"Since you left, I've been miserable every single day."

"You got over it pretty quickly." Angel hated talking about Riley. He hated the guy.

"No, I didn't. You wanted me to move on. I didn't want to. Everybody else pushed me to move on to other guys. The first time was horrible and then with Riley… well…"

"What do you mean with the first time?"

"Before Riley."

"There was somebody else?" Angel asked shocked, almost accusingly. He realized he reacted as if she had betrayed him.

"Why would you care? Didn't you just tell me to move on? Again? I thought we were doing this differently. So far it's nothing but a déjà vu."

"You still deserve better, Buffy."

"Better than what? Breathing is no guarantee for not being a complete jerk. You think human males are better than you? Fine, let me tell you exactly how terrific those male specimens can be. His name was Parker and if you leave, he will be the next guy I'll sleep with. He will ditch me and won't even bother to tell me before he hooks up with the next girl that crosses his path."

"You couldn't have known he was an asshole."

"Maybe, maybe not. I just didn't want to see anybody else but you. I didn't care."

"You know now."

"So what you are saying is that I should move right on to Riley. Skip Parker and ask Riley out tomorrow or what is your plan?"

When she put it like that it was the last thing Angel wanted.

"Besides, he's gonna marry someone else anyway."

"What?"

"Riley and his wife came to Sunnydale. A few days ago. A few days before we met at the motel. That's part of why I needed to get away from there."

"That idiot has guts to show up in Sunyndale again. He was never good enough for you anyway. He never would have appreciates you for who you are, Buffy. You are far better off without him."

"It's not that. I didn't want him back or anything. Far from it. It was just…"

"What?"

"It was just, when I saw them together, they were so comfortable with each other. I wasn't jealous of Sam – that's his wife. I was jealous of what they had, a solid, working relationship. It was just so painful to watch. I am glad Riley found that with Sam. I could have never given him that. And he wasn't what I needed either. I once thought he was. He was sweet and gentle, but he never understood me. I guess I tolerated him because I thought he was what would make me feel more normal. But I always felt like I was pretending to be someone else with him. Not me. I was only ever me when I was with you."

Somehow hearing this made Angel feel better. He had always wondered why Buffy had chosen to be with Riley. Yes, he had wanted her to move on, but not with somebody like Riley. Although, Angel had to admit, in his eyes there would probably never be anybody that would measure up to his standards for Buffy.

"So there was nobody that interested you like that? Nobody that you could have had that relationship with?"

The question caught Buffy slightly off-guard. There had been nobody like that. But she couldn't help but be reminded of her affair with Spike. But if Angel was still that pissed about Riley – a human – which had happened years ago, how pissed would he be if he found out about Spike – a vampire like himself, without a soul and a rather recent event? No need to mention it. In her mind it was over anyway. It hadn't meant anything. She had never wanted to sleep with Spike anyway. She hated herself for doing it. No need to bring it up.

"No, otherwise I would hardly have left my old life behind," Buffy said sincerely. "Unless that person would have come with me. Which he did."

"Without you, I wouldn't have gone back either," Angel said, looking lovingly into her eyes. "I just want you to be absolutely sure that this is what you want, Buffy."

"I am sure."

"Just think about this for a moment, Buffy. In this reality, we have never even slept together."

"We are sleeping together right now."

"You know what I mean. You are basically still a virgin, Buffy. You are proposing that you live the rest of your life like a nun." She was a vibrant young woman who shouldn't have to miss out on anything.

"If I can choose between Riley and living like a nun, I won't miss too much. Besides, nuns are not even allowed to kiss. We are allowed to kiss. And I still have the memories of our night together."

"Yes, but even the mark on your neck is gone."

Buffy touched her neck where his bite mark should have been. "Yeah, I kind of miss it. But it would be hard to explain to the others."

"That's not exactly what I was getting at, Buffy," Angel said a bit uncomfortably.

Buffy blushed. "Oh, you mean… me being a virgin."

Angel nodded.

"I don't care. I had sex with Riley countless of times." Angel cringed. Buffy went on quickly, "But none measured up to our one night. And even though that hasn't happened here, I still have the memories from it. It happened. We both know it did. That's all I need. And I wouldn't want to have my first time with anybody else but you." Buffy observed Angel carefully, hoping and waiting for a sign that the message that he was really what she wanted, the only one she ever wanted, was finally sinking in.

"I treasure those memories, too. They are the most precious things I own. I'm just so sorry how it all ended. And I couldn't bear the thought of not being able to give you everything you want, because you deserve it."

"I have everything I want right here."

Angel looked at her lovingly. "Me, too. I just wish-"

Buffy gently put a finger to his lips. "Ssh, no more wishing. We got our wish. Now it's up to us to make something of it."

He took her hand and kissed her ring. "We will."

"Good." Buffy smiled. Then she sighed. "Well, I guess I have to get going. There's a lot to take care of. Like destroying the judge. Do you think they will still select the mall without Angelus? Whose idea was that?" Buffy asked while getting out of bed. Angel stayed where he was.

"That was Spike's idea, so there should be no changes."

"Good. We do want changes, but too many changes wouldn't be good either. Makes my job a lot easier." Buffy grinned while getting her clothes. "Ugh, my clothes are still a little wet."

"You can keep mine."

"Thanks, but I really can't go out like that. That would really draw questions." Buffy started to pull off the shirt.

Angel quickly looked at the ceiling again. "Buffy, please don't do that."

"What?"

"Tempt me."

"Oh, sorry."

Buffy grabbed her clothes and walked over to where he couldn't see her from the bed. When she had finished changing, she came back to the bed and sat down on the edge.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to tease you. It's just… it's all still so confusing. I know we can't… But being back here, in this room, in this time – if that is really where we are – it's so unreal. It's more like a dream. And I've had plenty of those. They just ended differently." Buffy grinned and blushed a bit. "And if this is really a second chance, then I want to live this one to the fullest, at least as much as we can. I want to make new memories, good memories. We know what will happen, and that's a good thing. But on the other hand, I just want to forget what happened over the last four years. I could live without those memories, well, most of them."

Angel cherished and hated those memories, too. And he had thought that knowing the consequences would be enough to keep him in check. When Jenny had offered them a shot at this again, he had thought he could do this. But now he wasn't so sure anymore. Just Buffy's presence was enough to drive him out of his mind. He would try, he would give his best. He wanted to stay by her side, to be there for her, be what she needed. But there were doubts accumulating in the back of his mind. What if he overestimated himself? What if he wasn't strong enough?

Angel took her hand. "Buffy, if I stay, you have to promise me something."

"What?" she asked worried, apprehensive of what he would come up with now.

"If we ever loose control, if we ever sleep with each other, you have to promise you will kill me. Right there and then."

"What?"

"You have to promise me! I need to know that it won't happen again. I couldn't live with it if anything like that ever happened again."

"But-"

"You will not ask Willow to do the curse! You won't even try. It's too risky. Angelus could get free. He knows who knows about the curse. You have to be faster than him. You have to stop him before he gets the chance to move one finger. You have to promise me, Buffy! You have to stake me right there and then!"

Buffy looked pleadingly at him, begging him with her eyes not to ask that of her.

"Promise me or I will leave." Buffy started to say something, but Angel cut her off. "I know this sounds like blackmail, but if you can't promise me, Buffy, I will never have a peaceful moment. This is for us. I need some peace of mind that he won't get the chance to hurt you or anybody else. I need you to do this for me. I need this as a favor from you."

Buffy nodded weakly.

Angel grabbed her arms. "Swear it! If we ever loose control, that has to be the consequence. For you and for me."

"I swear."

"Say it."

Buffy's face crumbled, tears were rolling down her cheeks. Finally she found the strength to say it. "I swear I will kill you, if we ever have another moment of perfect happiness."

Kissing her on the forehead Angel whispered relieved, "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you."

TBC


	4. Innocence

**Chapter 4 – Innocence**

**Notes:**

Sorry for the delay. I had to outline later chapters first to make sure I wouldn't end up with too many inconsistencies.

I will keep the original episode titles from here on. Some lines are taken directly from the episodes. But I try to reduce them to as few as possible.

Some trivia: The scene I wrote with Jenny and her uncle was actually the trigger for my story "Making Sure of Vengeance".

* * *

Buffy snuck into the house and closed the door quietly. "Mom?"

"Morning," Joyce said from the living room.

Buffy wasn't prepared for the emotions that just hearing her mother's voice again unleashed. And when her mother came into sight, Buffy was absolutely shaken. She had hoped so much for this, for her mother being alive again. But even with her standing only a few feet away, Buffy had a hard time believing her own eyes. She just stood there and stared at her mother.

"So, did you have fun last night?" Joyce asked

"Last night?"

"At Willow's."

"At Willow's…" Buffy's brain wasn't working properly yet. It was still trying to make sense of seeing her formerly dead mother standing there.

"Yes, did you have fun at Willow's?"

"Sure, it was… fun." Buffy tried to give her mother a reassuring smile.

"Good. You hungry?"

"Hungry?"

"Buffy, is something wrong?"

"No, no, nothing's wrong."

"If you hurry, I'll drive you to school."

Buffy felt like crying. She wanted to hold her mother close. But Joyce was already on her way to the dining room. Buffy followed her and hugged her.

"What brought that on?" Joyce asked surprised.

"I just wanted to say how much I love you," Buffy said, still not letting go of her.

"That's nice, honey. And I love you, too. But that doesn't change my mind about the driver's license."

"That's okay."

Joyce looked strangely at her daughter, but gladly returned the embrace.

* * *

Buffy entered the library. When she saw Jenny, her heart skipped a beat. She stood rooted to the ground and had trouble keeping herself from crying for the second time that day.

"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed.

"We were just going to rescue you," Xander said.

Willow gave Giles a scornful look. "Well, some of us were."

"Well, I would have," Giles said.

"Where's Angel?" Jenny asked.

"Angel?" Buffy was still too shocked by Jenny's presence that she had trouble thinking of anything else at all.

"Yes, Angel. Tall, dark, pointy teeth," Xander offered.

"Angel, yes." Buffy was still looking at Jenny.

"Are you okay, Buffy?" Jenny asked concerned.

Finally, Buffy pulled herself out of her stupor. "Yes, yes, everything is fine."

"And the Judge?" Giles asked.

"Well, okay, that is not fine. Not yet at least. He is assembled."

"Oh, damn it." Giles started to clean his glasses. "Why didn't you call? We thought…"

Buffy actually had a hard time remembering what exactly had happened four years ago. The memories of this day usually centered very prominently on her night with Angel. Everything else leading up to that incident was rather blurry compared to that. "Um… we had to hide. And it was raining. I stayed at Angel's place, because of the rain."

"At Angel's place?" Xander asked disapprovingly.

"Yes, but nothing happened," Buffy started to justify herself.

"I wasn't implying that anything happened. But you know, if somebody denies something as vehemently as you just did…" Xander pointed out.

"Buffy, the Judge, we, we must stop him," Giles said.

"Yes, he's extremely dangerous. Just touching him can kill a person. He is getting stronger and stronger. I touched him for only a second and felt strange."

"In time, he won't need to even touch people. The stronger he gets, he'll be able to reduce us to charcoal with a look."

Buffy considered when best to tell them how to kill the Judge. But for what she had in mind, it would be more realistically, if she told them right now.

"I better continue researching, must look for a weak spot," Giles said.

"Um... actually, since Angel and I had a lot of free time on our hands last night, because nothing happened." She gave Xander a defiant look. "We discussed ways to kill the Judge."

"And?"

Buffy wasn't very comfortable with stealing Xander's idea. But the earlier they could work on this, the better. And he would get his great moment by obtaining the weapon anyway. "Well, he can't be defeated by any weapon forged. But that was ages ago. That was like sword-and-ax-century. This is weapons-of-mass-destruction-century, right?"

"So?" Giles asked.

"Oh," Xander said and grinned. "Oh, I get it. I wish had thought of that."

Buffy smiled at Xander.

"What are you talking about?" Giles asked confused.

"Tell him, Xander." Buffy had no problem letting him get the credit. After all it had been his idea and had probably saved all their asses last time around.

"We blow him away!" Xander said excitedly.

"Blow him away?"

"Yes, with a very, very big gun," Buffy said.

"Like a rocket launcher," Xander added.

Buffy smiled. "Exactly."

"A rocket launcher?" Giles asked, not yet convinced of the idea.

"Yeah, it's perfect. You would usually use those things for way bigger targets than the Judge. It should work just fine," Xander explained.

"How do you know all that?"

"I remember from Halloween, when I was a soldier."

"Ah, I see. But, Buffy, how…?"

"Well, you know, all this bad stuff on TV. Really messes up today's youth," Buffy said nonchalantly.

"Oh, I see."

"We have time until it is dark. The Judge is at Spike and Drusilla's beck and call. They won't go out before dark. I suggest we all go to class and meet again afterwards."

Giles looked at her surprised. "Good plan, Buffy."

"Oh," Buffy realized she had not exactly acted like they would expect of her. "Thanks, glad you approve. Unless you have a better idea, of course."

"No, no, that sounds quite reasonable."

* * *

They were walking down the corridor when Willow, trying to suppress a grin, asked Buffy, "So, you and Angel… did you…?"

"No, we didn't."

"But I thought you wanted to. And it was the perfect opportunity with the rain and all," Willow said almost disappointedly. She had been hoping for a first-hand account of the experience.

Buffy simply continued walking down the hall. Willow noticed that Buffy looked rather sad. "Didn't he want to?" she asked cautiously. "He didn't reject you, did he? Because even if he did, he probably had very good reasons. He loves you."

"Don't worry, Willow, he didn't reject me. It just wasn't the right time. That's all."

"Oh," Willow said relieved. "So you still want to?"

"Of course, it's just all a bit stressful, you know, with the Judge wanting to destroy the world and all."

"Oh, sure, I understand. You want it to be special and not some the-end-of-the-world-is-near-we-might-die thing."

"Yeah," Buffy said absentmindedly, "something special…"

* * *

After school, Xander and Cordelia went to get the weapon. They had taken Oz's van and Willow and Oz were waiting in the vehicle.

Willow was still a bit miffed that Xander had insisted on taking Cordelia with him. Those two were behaving strange around each other. But maybe Xander just didn't want to endanger his best friend? Who was she kidding? She couldn't keep up with Cordelia when it came to looks. When it came to brains, yes, no problem. But Xander was rather shallow when it came to judging women. But what was she worried about? Xander would never start something with Cordelia. He hated her. Then why was she feeling so ill at ease? She was over Xander. She didn't want anything from him, except as a best friend. And there was Oz now. He was cute and thoughtful, so much better boyfriend material than Xander. But what if Oz was just like any other guy? What if he just wanted to be her friend as well? What if he preferred women who dressed more… provocative, like Cordelia? He was in a band. He could have any girl he wanted, more beautiful girls than herself. Maybe she was doomed to spend her life alone.

"Hey, you okay?" Oz asked, noticing her sad face.

"Yeah, sure," Willow said downcast.

"Doesn't look that way to me," Oz prodded carefully.

"Why are men always so shallow?" Willow exploded. "Why do women have to dress up like a cheap… well… you know… to get men's attention?"

"I hope you are not including me in that generalized judgment. I like to think I am not that shallow. And you definitely wouldn't have to dress up to impress me."

"Really?" Willow asked with big eyes.

Oz nodded. When Willow still looked doubtful, Oz leaned over and gently placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Really."

* * *

Buffy, Angel and Giles were waiting in the library. Giles was asking Angel every question he could think of about the Judge and Angel tried to answer him as best as he could without revealing how he had actually gained that knowledge.

Buffy was sitting on the stairs to the upper part of the library. She was deep in thought. When Angel noticed he went over to her.

"Buffy?"

His voice didn't register with her and she kept staring ahead without seeing anything.

Angel kneeled down in front of her and touched her knee. "Buffy?"

She flinched slightly when he touched her. "Yeah?"

"What is it?"

"Just thinking."

"Thinking?" he asked carefully. "Or remembering?"

Buffy looked away, so he wouldn't see the pain in her eyes. She was remembering what had happened four years ago on this day, what he had said to her the first time she had seen him after their night together, all those hurtful mean things that had made her want to die. She'd felt so cheap and used.

"You are remembering, aren't you? Remembering what I... he said?"

She just nodded.

"Please look at me." He raised her chin so that Buffy was looking into his eyes. "That wasn't me," Angel whispered, making sure they wouldn't be overheard by Giles. "He only wanted to hurt you. He wanted to throw you."

"Worked."

"He didn't even mean it. He was lying. My guess is he was jealous that he didn't get to experience it first hand."

Buffy gave him a weak smile. "It's all just so confusing, you, him, then, now. It's like I am dealing with three different people." She buried her head in her hands.

"Buffy, look at me. It's just me now. I am here and I am me."

"I know. I just want to get today over and done with. Get rid of the Judge. Maybe then I can think more clearly."

Angel took Buffy's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Don't worry. We'll get him."

"At least we are one day ahead of them."

"Not necessarily."

"I remember those days pretty well, at least everything that happened… afterwards. I only found out about Jenny's involvement because you told me in a dream. They hit the mall the next day."

"Yes, but they laid low for one day because Angelus asked them to, to get to you, to torture you emotionally. Spike wasn't really a fan of that idea. Without Angelus around they are very likely to hit the mall tonight instead of tomorrow."

"Oh God, I hadn't considered that," Buffy said distressed.

"You couldn't have known," Angel tried to calm her down. "Besides, we are well on schedule."

Buffy looked pale and shaken. "I thought this would give us an advantage, knowing what will happen, but it didn't, it made everything worse," she said miserably.

"It didn't. You decided to tell them of the weapon instead of waiting for Xander to come up with it. That saved us a whole day."

"Let's hope that is enough," Buffy said anxiously.

Suddenly Giles asked, "Has anybody seen Jenny?"

* * *

Jenny was desperately trying to talk some sense into her uncle. But it was no use.

"Uncle, I have served you. I have been faithful. I need to know-"

"To the modern man vengeance is a verb, an idea. Payback. One thing for another. Like commerce. Not with us. Vengeance is a living thing. It passes through generations. It commands. It kills."

"You told me to watch Angel. You told me to keep him from the Slayer. I tried. But there are other factors. There are terrible things happening here that we cannot control."

"We control nothing. We are not wizards, Janna. We merely play our part."

"Angel could be of help to us. I mean, he may be the only chance we have to stop the Judge."

"That is not our concern. Our only concern is that Angel continues to suffer."

"How can you be so blind to everything else that is going on around you? Yes, he killed someone. But that was ages ago. He bitterly regrets it. He tries to make up for his sins."

"But only because we restored his soul. And that's how it has to stay. That's why he and the Slayer have to be separated."

"Buffy loves him. And he loves her. How can that be wrong? He is of great help to her, fighting evil and helping her to protect the world."

"How can she love him, if he has done something so horrible? She knows about his crimes and still she treats him like a human being. Maybe the world is better off with a new Slayer. And if Angel looses his soul, that is just what might happen."

"You care nothing about other people or the world. You would sacrifice Buffy because she has the strength to see beyond his mistakes and is willing to forgive? You are blinded by your vengeance. You are not better than the demon that killed the one you are trying to avenge."

"I believe you have gotten too comfortable in this world outside your clan. You have forgotten who you are."

"I have not, but what you are doing-"

"Janna, I've seen you. You are very friendly with the girl's Watcher."

"He is the school librarian."

"How convenient for you."

"Uncle, I-"

"No, you will just listen! You are not doing your duty. Either you find a way to separate the vampire and the girl or somebody else will take your place, somebody more effective and maybe less squeamish about collateral damage."

"Are you really willing to sacrifice innocents just to get your vengeance?"

"If the girl dies, she deserves it. She willingly got involved with a vampire. She deserves nothing better than him."

"But uncle-"

"Enough! You may leave now, Janna."

Jenny stormed out of the hotel room and hurried back to the school.

* * *

Jenny entered the library. She saw Angel and Buffy sitting on the stairs. Angel was sitting behind Buffy and she was leaning against him with her eyes closed.

"Buffy? Angel? Could I talk to you for a minute?"

Buffy was instantly alert. "Sure." She got up, but then she noticed that Angel had not moved an inch and was staring at Jenny. Buffy was pretty sure she understood what he was feeling at that moment, as she herself had been almost paralyzed by seeing Jenny alive and well again. Quickly, Buffy grabbed his hand and pulled him along.

Jenny led them into the hallway, far away from the library so that nobody could eavesdrop.

"I…," Jenny started unsure. "You might be in danger."

Buffy chuckled. "That's not exactly news, Jenny… um, sorry, Miss Calendar."

"I think it's okay if you call me Jenny when we are not in the class room."

"Okay." Buffy smiled. That would make it a lot easier. Ever since Jenny's ghost had sent them back she felt much closer to her and thought of her mostly as Jenny and not as her teacher, Miss Calendar.

"You are in danger from somebody else than the Judge."

"There is hardly ever just one evil out to get us."

"No, you don't understand. I… Angel… you… you both are in danger."

"From whom?"

"I was…," Jenny started, but then thought better of it. It wasn't necessary to reveal her true involvement in all this, at least not yet. "From somebody who wants revenge for what Angel did before he got his soul back."

"When he was Angelus?" Buffy asked. She already knew where this was headed.

"Yes."

Jenny obviously didn't want to reveal her true role in all this. So in order to help her along, Buffy asked, "Because of somebody he killed?"

"Yes."

"The gypsies?" Angel asked.

"How do you know?" Jenny asked surprised.

"Only they would still hold a grudge after almost a century." Then Angel remembered what Jenny had said at the beginning. "You said, we both are in danger. What do you mean? Why would Buffy be in danger? They only want me."

"It seems in their pursuit for vengeance, they don't care who gets hurt in the process. They would do anything to separate you from Buffy. They don't want to hurt her on purpose, but they are willing to sacrifice her to make sure that you will continue to suffer."

Instantly, Angel had a look of panic on his face. And seeing that look on Angel's face gave Buffy also a fright.

"I don't know what exactly they are up to," Jenny went on. "But they want to separate you under all circumstances. You are supposed to feel guilty and have no right to be the least bit happy. They don't think you deserve to be treated like a human being, like Buffy does. They also think you might loose your soul again and possibly kill Buffy. But I am afraid they would not shy away from hurting Buffy themselves, maybe even kill her, to hurt you and increase your suffering. They see no reason."

"We will be careful, Jenny," Buffy tried to reassure her.

"They are very powerful. Don't underestimate them," Jenny implored.

Buffy looked at Angel for support. "Angel?"

"I didn't expect them to go that far, to kill someone," Angel said deep in thought.

"I am not really sure if they would actually go that far," Jenny said. "But I wouldn't put it beyond them. They do consider Buffy collateral damage. Better be prepared for anything."

"You are right. We should take precautions," Angel said concerned.

Jenny sighed. It seemed at least Angel was grasping the seriousness of the situation. Jenny didn't want Buffy or anybody else to get hurt.

"Precautions?" Buffy asked.

Angel turned towards Buffy and her heart sank. He had that look on his face, this pained expression when he was about to do something he didn't want to do, but knew he had to.

"Buffy, I won't risk your life because some crazy gypsies only care about themselves. They will hurt you. Obviously they've been following me since the day they cursed me. They will never stop."

"They are just gypsies, what can they do?"

"What can they do?" Angel almost yelled at her. "Do you really have to ask that, after all they have done?"

"I…"

"They are unscrupulous, Buffy. They stop at nothing. They cursed me with a soul. They followed me for almost one hundred years. They want to see me suffer at any cost. And where best to hurt me than with the people I love? And I love you. You are my weak point. Because you are the only one who means something to me."

"I love you, too."

"Then don't let that love blind you, Buffy. I certainly won't let it blind me. I won't risk your life. It would be selfish and end in disaster."

"What are you saying?" Buffy asked fearfully.

"I am trying to tell you that there really is no future for us. For so many reasons, not just this one."

"No! Don't do this!" Buffy begged. "You can't-"

"Buffy, open your eyes. Nobody wants a vampire as a boyfriend."

"I do," she said meekly.

"Your friends and family will never accept me completely. Children are out of the question. And I have made many enemies over the years, immortal enemies. If not the gypsies, then somebody else will come along and try to hurt you."

"But-"

"You are the Slayer, Buffy. You have responsibilities that other people don't have. I know that is unfair, but that's how it is. The world needs you. Your life is dangerous enough without having to deal with my problems as well. It wouldn't be fair. You are the best Slayer I have ever seen." Angel smiled at her lovingly. "And I have seen many. You will make it far, live longer than the others. The world never had such a good chance to win over evil than it has with you now. We can't endanger that just because we love each other."

"No…" Buffy said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

"How can you do this to me? How can you do this-"

Angel silenced her by kissing her passionately. He knew what she had wanted to say: 'How can you do this _again_?' He couldn't let her say that.

Buffy was stunned. How could he kiss her like this and still say such things to her?

When Angel released her again, Buffy spat at him, "Is that the new goodbye we never say?"

He was still holding on to her hand and Buffy tried to pull it free, but Angel wouldn't let go. He only grabbed it more tightly and stroked his thumb over her ring. "I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart."

Buffy was speechless. She knew those words. It was like a déjà vu, like a well-rehearsed line, a line she had gone over and over in her head. But it was his voice she heard in her head. It wasn't her line. It was his line. He had said it to her before, four years ago.

Carefully, slowly, she said, "Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating." She remembered those words only too well. She had regretted saying them to him. No matter how hurt she had been back then, that was something she had regretted instantly after saying them, because she knew it would hurt him deeply. Buffy was holding her breath. She watched his reactions closely and anxiously waited for his response.

Angel nodded slowly, fixing her intently with his eyes. "Exactly."

That was the confirmation for her theory. He was only staging their break-up. Buffy felt so relieved she wanted to cry. Well, she was already crying. Now she just wanted to cry for a completely different reason. Not that anybody would see the difference, except Angel maybe. But why? Why would he do such a thing? To fool Jenny? Buffy was confused and didn't know what to do. She was afraid to say something wrong. And she still felt ill at ease and knew this feeling wouldn't disappear completely until Angel told her in his own words that he hadn't meant a thing he'd just said.

Angel kept playing with her ring and squeezed her hand one more time before he let go. "I'll stay until you finish the Judge, but after that I am gone. Don't come looking for me, you won't find me anyway."

Still not a hundred percent sure about what was going on and how to interpret Angel's behavior, Buffy took all her confusion, anger, frustration and insecurities and screamed at him, "I don't need your help! I can take care of the Judge on my own. Thank you very much. I don't need you! I don't want to ever see you again!"

For the fraction of a second, Angel looked slightly irritated. Nobody else would have noticed, but Buffy did. Then Angel said coldly, "That would be the best for both of us."

Angel turned and started to leave. Before he had reached the doors, Buffy turned around as well and ran into the opposite direction in a mad dash.

Jenny stood rooted to the floor. She hadn't moved one bit since the argument had started. She was too shocked at what had happened right before her eyes.

* * *

Jenny was still standing in the empty corridor, when her uncle came around the corner and looked at Jenny contemptuously.

"Well done. I should have known you would betray your clan and side with them. You are worthless. But since your telling them had the desired effect, we will overlook your betrayal."

"How gracious of you," Jenny mocked.

"But don't ever expect anything from the clan again. You are not one of us any longer. You made your choice. Now you have to live with it."

"That's fine with me. Your so-called vengeance makes me sick and ashamed that I ever was one of you to begin with. If you will excuse me, we have more important matters to deal with than your stupid vengeance. There are real threats out there to take care of." Jenny left him standing in the dark corridor and made her way to the library.

* * *

Buffy had run to Angel's apartment. She hadn't known what else to do. She was sure Angel hadn't meant what he had said. But she still needed to hear him say that to her face before she would feel completely at ease again. Where the hell was he? What was taking him so long? Where else could he have gone? The longer Buffy had to wait, the more anxious she got. She went over their conversation in her mind again and again. Had she misinterpreted him after all? Buffy started pacing back and forth in the apartment, biting her fingernails and getting jitterier by the minute.

When Angel finally opened the door, Buffy was a nervous wreck and yelled at him, "What the hell came over you? What was that?"

Angel held up his hand and approached her slowly. She looked worse than he had expected. He knew she would be furious with him for what he had done, but he had hoped she would have calmed down by now and not gotten even more agitated. Obviously, he had been wrong. "Jenny's uncle was listening in on us," he started to explain. "He must have followed Jenny and was hiding around the corner. I heard and smelled him and figured it was the perfect opportunity to get rid of him."

"You scared me," Buffy said, tears collecting in her eyes. "You scared me so much."

Angel pulled her into his arms. "I know. I'm sorry, so sorry. If I had known another way… Buffy, I swear, I would have spared you going through that again."

Buffy took a deep breath. He was back. It had really just been a ruse. "It's okay. Let's just hope it was worth it and we really fooled him."

"We did. I snuck back into the school after I left. Jenny's uncle approached her and they talked for a bit. He bought it."

Buffy didn't say anything. She just held on to him tightly.

"Why did you have to say that last bit, about the Judge?" Angel asked disapprovingly. "I don't want you to face the Judge alone. Even if Jenny's uncle bought our little scam, he might still stick around until the Judge is gone. Now I can't go with you."

"I just played along," Buffy said angrily. "And if you had given me a hint a bit earlier, I might have come up with something better."

"You are right, sorry. But I couldn't risk it."

"I can take care of the Judge on my own anyway."

"I know. I just don't want you to face them alone."

"I have to get back to the library," Buffy said curtly. "The others are probably back already."

"Okay, be careful." They didn't have time to sort out their differences now. It would have to wait.

Buffy had already opened the door and was about to leave without another word, when she suddenly turned around and gave Angel a longing look. "When will I see you again?"

Angel smiled. "I'll be around. Don't worry. I'll try to find out if Jenny's uncle has left Sunnydale already or not."

Buffy gave him a final smile and left.

* * *

When Buffy came into the library, everybody seemed only to be waiting for her.

"We got it," Xander said with a big grin. "It's still in the van, ready to go."

"Good. Let's get going. They will be heading for the mall. Lots of people there." Buffy was all business and turned around to head back outside."

Giles and Jenny exchanged worried looks. When Giles caught up with Buffy, he asked concerned, "Buffy, Jenny said you and Angel had a fight?"

"Don't worry. We have more important things to take care of now."

* * *

They intercepted Spike, Drusilla and the Judge even before they entered the mall and Buffy blew the Judge into tiny little pieces in the parking lot. For an instant she was tempted to go after Spike and Drusilla. Seeing Spike again caused a strange feeling in her stomach area. She even considered staking him right there and then, while he was still utterly evil. It would also guarantee that she would never engage in anything stupid with him again, not that she planned on doing any such thing. But chasing after Spike and Drusilla now might cause changes that could have unforeseen consequences later on. And Spike had come in handy once in a while. She'd have to give this whole actions, reactions and consequences thing some more thought first.

* * *

Giles, Willow, Oz, Xander and Cordelia were carefully loading the last pieces of the Judge into Oz's van. Buffy was standing some distance away and staring into the darkness.

Jenny approached her. "Buffy, I am so sorry about what happened. I just wanted to help. I didn't think Angel would react like that."

Buffy kept looking around, as if she was searching for something or somebody. "I know."

"I never wanted you two to split up, Buffy. That wasn't my intention, you have to believe me."

Finally, Buffy saw what she had been looking for. Angel was lurking in the shadows. She felt instantly calmer. "Don't worry about it."

Jenny looked confused.

"Angel didn't leave."

"But he said… and you told him…" Jenny was trying to make sense of this.

"Your uncle was listening in."

"Yes, but how do you know? Not even I knew until afterwards, when he made himself known to me."

"I didn't. Angel knew. He heard him."

"So you two were just play-acting?"

"Not at first. Angel couldn't tell me. And it had to be convincing," she said. Buffy remembered how hurt she had been before she had caught on to what Angel had been doing.

"So Angel is still in Sunnydale?"

Buffy nodded. "He can't risk being seen with us until your uncle leaves town for good."

Angel, who had been listening in to their conversation came out of the shadows. "He did leave. Didn't even stick around for the grand finale. I saw him get on the bus."

Buffy let out a sign of relief. At least their charade had not been for nothing.

"He said my telling you had the desired effect," Jenny said. "He had no interest in the Judge. He…" She had almost given away who she really was. Then something occurred to Jenny. Did Buffy and Angel know about her secret? "How do you even know he is my uncle?" Suddenly Jenny looked frightened. Had they told Giles?

Buffy looked at Angel. How much should they tell Jenny?

"We know you are a gypsy," Angel said.

Jenny looked panicked.

"Your disguise was very good, but not good enough to fool me," Angel lied. "When your uncle came into town, I knew they were up to something."

"But why would he make such a long journey just to separate you two?" Jenny wondered. "That really is crazy."

"He didn't tell you?" Angel asked surprised.

"No, he only said I should watch you and separate you from Buffy. After the fight you two staged for him he seemed satisfied that everything was in order again."

Buffy and Angel looked at each other again. They were thinking the same thing: Jenny was unaware of the specifics of the curse.

"I guess they just want me to keep on suffering," Angel said quickly. "Being with Buffy makes me happy." Angel looked at her lovingly. "And that's something they don't want."

"Mean old bastards," Jenny said. "I am sorry about what they tried to do, I really am. And after all this time. I am glad they didn't succeed."

"It's okay," Buffy said. "No harm done." Angel squeezed her hand.

Jenny glanced over at Giles who was still helping the others. "Does Giles know? About me being a gypsy?" she asked fearfully.

"No, he doesn't," Buffy said warmly. "And we won't tell him."

"You might want to tell him though," Angel said. "Secrets can come back to haunt you. But if and when you tell him is up to you."

Jenny looked unsure.

Angel went on, "I was afraid that Buffy could never forgive what I did as Angelus. But she did."

"And Giles has his own secrets, as you know," Buffy added. "I think he will understand."

"I lied to him," Jenny said miserably. "I used him to get close to you and Angel. That wasn't an accident like with when Giles' past came back to haunt him. I did it deliberately."

"I don't think absolutely everything was deliberate," Buffy said with a smirk.

"What do you mean?" Jenny asked.

"Well, you didn't _have_ to date him to watch Angel. Giles would have accepted you just as willingly as a simple colleague."

Jenny considered this for a moment. "I guess. But what if he doesn't see it like that?"

"Your uncle said you are out of the clan anyway," Angel pointed out. "So strictly speaking, you are not even a gypsy anymore."

Jenny liked that idea and smiled. Without any links to her clan – former clan – she could easily imagine a future together with Giles. "I don't want to have secrets from Giles, but…" Jenny took a deep breath. "Give me some time to think this through, okay?"

"It's not our place to tell Giles about your past. It's up to you."

"Thanks."

"No, thank you," Buffy said without thinking.

"For what?" Jenny asked confused.

"Um…," Buffy had slipped up. She was thankful that Jenny's ghost had given them this second chance. But this Jenny standing in front of her did not know about that. "Um… I am just glad that Giles has found someone who really cares about him," Buffy said quickly. "He deserves it. I am grateful that your feelings for him are real and that you don't want to hurt him."

"Oh… of course I don't want to hurt him."

The others had finished stowing away the pieces of the Judge in the van and Oz, Willow, Xander and Cordelia drove off.

Giles made his way over to Buffy, Angel and Jenny. "I told the others to go home for tonight. We'll think of how to best keep the pieces safe tomorrow. I don't think Spike and Drusilla will dare to make another attempt in the near future."

"Probably not," Angel said.

Giles looked from Angel to Buffy, not quite sure what to make of them obviously being totally at ease with each other. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Sure," Buffy said.

"Jenny said you two…" Giles stammered, slightly embarrassed. "And when Angel wasn't there when we took down the Judge…"

"Everything is okay, Giles, really," Buffy reassured him.

"I was trying to find out some more about the Judge and what might kill him, in case Buffy's plan failed," Angel lied.

"Oh… oh, good."

"Well, we were successful. So we can all go home now," Buffy said, trying to quickly change the topic before Giles wanted to know more about Angel's non-existent alternative plan.

"Good idea. How about we celebrate this with a glass of wine?" Giles asked Jenny.

Jenny smiled. "I'd love to, Rupert."

Giles turned to Buffy and Angel. "Well, good night then. See you tomorrow, Buffy."

"Good night."

Jenny and Giles left. Buffy followed their interactions closely and smiled when Giles put his arm around Jenny.

This had been a good birthday. Jenny was still alive and they would keep it that way. Angel was still himself. Giles was happy, as he was not mad at Jenny.

"Hey, you want to go out and celebrate, too?" Angel asked.

"Um… actually, I'd like to see my mom," Buffy said tentatively.

"Oh, sure. I understand." Angel smiled. He was happy for her.

"Really?"

"Of course." But before Angel let her go, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

Buffy rested her head against his chest, still watching Giles leaving together with Jenny. "I can't believe she's still here. You have no idea how happy I am. I've felt so guilty about her death."

"Oh, believe me, I know exactly how you feel."

"Oh, yeah, I guess you do. But…"

"What?"

Buffy snuggled deeper into his embrace. "Forget it."

"What is it?"

Buffy sighed. "I know you feel guilty about her death. But you didn't kill her. Angelus did. You weren't really there. You didn't do it. You could have done nothing to prevent it. But I… I don't have that excuse. I could have prevented her death. I didn't loose my soul and my evil-me took over. I was still me. I couldn't… do it… kill you and that's why she died. It was my responsibility and I screwed up."

"You didn't kill her either, Buffy. You couldn't have known what Jenny was up to and that Angelus knew. And if I could have given my life for Jenny's, I would have done it. But in hindsight I am rather glad you didn't kill me. Especially from today's point of view. Aren't you?" Angel asked, trying to make her see that in the end everything had turned out well.

"Of course I am. But it doesn't change the fact that my feelings for you caused somebody else to die. I didn't do my job."

"Buffy, she is alive. And we agreed that it will never happen again."

"Right," Buffy said, not sounding too convinced.

Angel pushed her gently away from him so that he could see her face. "Buffy, who don't you trust, me or yourself, or both of us?"

"My feelings for you."

"Buffy-"

"Don't say it. I don't want to hear it."

"Hear what?"

"That you'll leave if I can't... you know… kill you. I will, I swear," Buffy said almost panicked. "I am just saying I screwed up last time, but it won't happen again. It's not that I don't love you the same and that it wouldn't be as hard for me to do it as last time. Because I love you still the same and it would be just as hard." Buffy went on babbling, "I think I love you even more. But I don't want you to think that because of my feelings for you I couldn't do it. This time. I swear." Buffy looked at him, terribly afraid that he would consider it safer for everyone to leave Sunnydale.

"Buffy, relax. I just wanted to say that we've had a turbulent 24 hours behind us."

"Oh," Buffy said relieved. She smiled sheepishly, realizing that she had made quite a fool of herself. "Okay."

"It's been a lot to take in. We need time to get used to the new circumstances. You are still confused. At least, I am. It's okay to feel that way. It's okay that you are overwhelmed and confused by everything, by the events, by your feelings for Jenny and for me. And me pulling that stunt to fool Jenny's uncle probably didn't help either."

"It's okay. I understand. You gave me quite a scare, but I guess it was necessary."

"It was the perfect chance to get rid of him."

"I know."

"Buffy, I didn't mean a thing I said. Okay?"

Buffy nodded.

"Buffy, I was just saying what he wanted to hear. It had to look real."

"I know, I know. Like you said, a lot has happened. I just need time to figure it all out."

"Didn't you want to go see your mom?" Angel reminded her.

"Yeah."

"Then go."

Suddenly Buffy was reluctant to do just that. "We are okay?"

"Don't worry, Buffy, I won't disappear. Go see your mom. Spend time with her."

"Do you think I can save her this time?" Buffy contemplated.

"Honestly, I don't know. But we'll try."

"It's still three years down the road, if I asked her to get checked out now, could they already tell?"

"Buffy, relax. I think it's still too early."

"Maybe I should tell her. But how would I explain that? She'd never believe me."

"Buffy, go home, spend time with your mom. We'll think of something, but not tonight."

"But-"

"How about this: You go home and spend time with your mom and I will do some reading on this, okay?"

"Reading?"

"Public library."

"Do you think they have something on brain tumors?" Buffy asked doubtfully.

"They have computers as well."

"You don't know how to use one," Buffy pointed out.

"If I use my charm on the nice lady sitting there, I think she will teach me how. Or don't you think I am charming enough for that?" Angel teased.

Buffy looked at him affectionately. "Yes, you are charming, very charming, if you want to be. But remember, you are my Prince Charming."

"Don't worry. Jenny might be into librarians. But I am into Slayers."

"Slayers?" Buffy teased.

"Excluding Kendra, of course," Angel amended quickly.

"Suddenly I am missing the times when there was only one Slayer."

* * *

Buffy sat on the couch when her mother came in with two cupcakes.

"I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you a real cake."

"Don't worry, this is perfect."

"But we're still going shopping on Saturday. So what'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun?"

"It was a good birthday."

Joyce smiled and lit the candle. "Happy Birthday. I don't have to sing, do I?"

"No."

"Well, go on, make a wish."

Buffy stared at the candle for a while. Hadn't she told Angel that they'd already gotten their wish? Did she have the right to wish for anything more? More than she already had? There were still so many things that needed changing. She wanted her mother to live. She wanted to be intimate with Angel. She wanted Angel to never leave her again. But they had already gotten so much, a whole new life, a whole new shot at everything. Buffy didn't want to be greedy. She considered letting the candle burn, just like she had done last time. But didn't one need dreams and goals to make life count?

Buffy blew out the candle.

TBC


	5. Phases

**Chapter 5 – Phases**

**Trivia:**

The title of the story is from a season 2 episode. The story though has nothing really to do with the scene itself. But somehow I couldn't get that one line out of my mind and it triggered this story. For those who want to know what scene the line is from, here's a hint: A lunatic vampire was stomping her little foot while saying it to a blue demon.

* * *

Buffy was asleep. She dreamt she had just come back from the dead. Angel had long been gone. Her mother was dead. And she was sleeping with Spike. She started crying and finally woke up with a scream. Buffy was disoriented. She was in her bed in her room, alone. She felt lost and forlorn. And she was still hazy from having woken from a deep sleep. She didn't know where she was. No, that wasn't correct. She didn't know _when_ she was. She turned on the light. Had she dreamt everything? Had she dreamt of the future? Had she dreamt of Jenny's ghost? Or was that real? What was real?

Buffy started to panic. She stumbled into the hallway and went to her mother's room. Was it still her mother's room? Quietly she opened the door. Buffy felt relief wash over her when she made out her mother's curly hair on the pillow. She closed the door quietly and went back to her room. She was cold and trembling. But her being cold wasn't due to the room temperature, neither was the trembling. Consciously, she took several deep breaths to calm down. Her mother was alive. She wasn't dead. But had her death simply been a bad dream, a prophecy or a memory? And what about Angel? Where was he? Was he Angel or was he Angelus? Buffy's shaking got worse. She was starting to hyperventilate. There was just one way to find out. Still trembling, she pulled on some sweat pants and a sweater over her pajamas and put on some shoes. She climbed out the window and ran towards Angel's apartment.

The closer she came, the more frantic she got. When she reached his door, she raised her hand to knock, but hesitated a second and quickly sent a prayer towards heaven that Angel would be there. She knocked and waited. Maybe he was out hunting or on patrol. Buffy was about to try if the door was open, when it opened and Angel stood before her.

Angel had been reading and had dozed off. The last few days had been turbulent and even he was lacking sleep. When Angel opened the door, a rather tousled Buffy stood in front of him. When he noticed her red eyes and the tear streaks on her face, he pulled her in and closed the door behind her.

"What happened?" he asked worriedly, checking her for injuries. "Are you okay?"

Buffy just flung herself at him and started crying again.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" He led her over to a chair, sat her down and kneeled in front of her. "Buffy?"

Slowly, she was calming down. When she was only sniffling she gently placed her palm against his cheek and looked searchingly into his eyes, making sure he was really her Angel. Just the fact that he had actually been here at the apartment should have been enough, but she needed all the reassurance she could get.

"Buffy, say something. You are scaring me," Angel pleaded.

"I dreamt."

"You had a nightmare? Or a prophetic dream?"

Buffy didn't quite know how to answer that. "No, I dreamt and when I woke up I didn't know what was real, what had happened and what had not happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I dreamt of the past, well, the future. And when I woke up I was afraid that it hadn't happened, that it was all just a dream. That either Jenny's ghost never came back and my mom would be dead and you gone, or that I was back in time, but that you were Angelus."

"It's okay. It's real. It happened. We are back. Jenny's ghost was not a dream," Angel tried to reassure her.

Buffy nodded, having come to that realization herself. "I just woke up and I didn't know… I went to my mom's room. And she was sleeping in her bed. And then… I had no way of knowing if you… were still you… so I came here… and I was so scared."

Angel pulled her back into his arms. "Ssh, it's okay. I'm here. I'm still me."

"I was just so disoriented, you know, like when you wake up from a very deep sleep."

"Yeah, I know."

"And then I got so scared that everything was a dream. I couldn't think clearly."

Angel pulled back to look at her. "You okay now?"

Buffy nodded. Angel didn't look very convinced. "I'm fine now, really. I just don't know what I would have done if... if we were still stuck in the old version, if Jenny hadn't done what she did. I don't think I could go through that again."

"You don't have to. It's gonna be different. We have the means to change things now."

"And make new memories."

Angel nodded. "But we can't do that, if someone doesn't get enough sleep."

Buffy looked towards the bed and asked timidly, "Can I sleep here?"

Angel smiled at her tenderly. "Sure." He pulled her up, put an arm around her and led her over to his bed. She seemed to be almost in a trance-like state. Angel made her sit down and pulled off her shoes, then he lifted the covers and Buffy crawled beneath them. She was unusually quiet. Angel lay down behind her and spooned her, encasing her in his arms. Not knowing what else to do to make her feel better, he simply held her close.

He thought she had already fallen asleep, when she suddenly said, "Wake me when it gets light, okay? I have to get back before mom wakes up."

"Don't worry. I'll wake you. Sleep now."

Despite her anxiety and the running, Buffy was still so tired that she fell asleep almost instantly. She didn't want to sleep though. She wanted to relish being in Angel's arms some more before falling asleep. Maybe it would keep the nightmares away. But she had trouble even finishing that thought. She simply couldn't keep her eyes open any longer.

* * *

"Buffy, wake up," Angel said gently.

Buffy groaned. "Five more minutes."

"Sorry, love, you asked me to wake you."

The endearment got her attention. She finally opened her eyes and found herself looking directly into Angel's eyes. At first she was confused. This was only the second time she had woken up next to Angel in his apartment. It was a good feeling. But then she remembered why she had ended up here. Buffy buried her face in his chest. "Sorry that I was such a wreck last night," she said embarrassed. "I behaved like a little kid scared of the boogie man."

"Don't be sorry about something like that. And as we know, there actually are far worse things out there than the boogie man."

"Still, I am the Slayer and I can't have a nervous breakdown because of some dreams."

"Buffy, it's okay to be scared once in a while, even for you. And your dreams tend to be scarier than most people's dreams. I guess, especially now, after everything that has happened. You remember where we are, don't you? _When_ we are," he clarified, "and what happened?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes, this is a pretty unique situation. Never happened in the old timeline. The only time I woke up here before… I woke up alone," Buffy said with a pained voice.

"Sorry."

As much as he enjoyed lying in bed with Buffy, she had to get going. And that was probably for the better. Angel had watched her most of the night, wanting to make sure that she was sleeping peacefully. That had been fine. But now that she was awake, she looked good enough to eat. And that was not so good. She looked so cute with her tousled hair and squinting her eyes. And she was so warm, the heat was radiating from her body. Despite all the changes and new opportunities, she was still the forbidden fruit he couldn't have. They would have to talk about this, about sleeping arrangements, about the curse, about how to deal with these aspects of their relationship, about how much he could deal with and where the limits were. But now was not enough time for that.

"You need to get home and to school."

"I know," Buffy groaned and sat up. "God, I hate school. What did I do to deserve this, going to school after having already graduated?"

"It will be easier this time, Buffy. You have already studied the material."

"Yeah, and tried very hard to forget over the last four years. I don't remember a thing. It's all gone."

"I'm sure it's not all gone, just...displaced."

"Misplaced, you mean."

"No, displaced. You might have suppressed it, but it'll come back as soon as your brain gets a little stimulation… um… reminder. If not, I'll help you."

"Well, you'd better. You are supposed to be my tutor anyway."

"Huh?"

"My mom thinks you are my history tutor. I think I should introduce you to her more gradually this time."

Angel didn't look very enthusiastic. "We can talk about this later, Buffy. The sun is almost up."

"Oh, damn, I gotta run." Then she looked down at herself. "Damn, I came over here in my pajamas."

"It's still early, nobody will see you."

"I should…," Buffy started, but then thought better of it. 'Keep a change of clothes here' she had wanted to say. But she had restrained herself because she didn't want to come over as pushy or needy. She knew Angel loved her. She had always known. But he had left anyway last time. She wasn't insecure because of his feelings, she was insecure because of his actions last time. So this time she consciously tried to behave differently. If Buffy could show him that she was not that naïve girl he must have perceived her to be, maybe then he wouldn't leave. She wanted to show him that she could handle their complicated relationship. And most importantly, she would not sound needy, under no circumstances. Nope, no needy Buffy. No matter how needy she really was, which was quite a lot at the moment.

Before she could say any more stupid things, she quickly made her way to the door. "Gotta go."

Angel was a bit baffled by her quick exit. He was worried about Buffy. He was afraid she was getting pulled in too many directions: their past, their future, Jenny, her mom, school, saving friends and schoolmates from possible demise. Buffy knew what was coming. Therefore, she had a lot more to worry about now. The knowledge of what would or could happen gave them an advantage, an opportunity to change things that had gone wrong last time. But if they failed, would Buffy be able to handle it? Before, she hadn't known what to expect. Now the expectations were a lot higher. She would put herself under a lot more pressure to make things right. She probably hoped to save every single person she had – in her mind – let down last time. But Angel knew that saving everybody would be impossible. There would be casualties.

He was also aware that with them changing things along the way, there would be consequences to everything happening afterwards. Consequently, the future wouldn't be that easily predictable anymore. Angel remembered how Buffy had reacted, when she had only slightly changed the plan to defeat the Judge, which had resulted in Spike, Dru and the Judge hitting the mall one day in advance. Buffy had almost panicked and instantly blamed herself for not thinking of that possible outcome. And the longer they stayed and worked for things to get better, the more changes it would cause. It would make things harder to predict and harder to change. He'd have to prepare Buffy for the possible setbacks they would most certainly encounter.

The curse, or a possible – although very unlikely - cure for his curse, would have to take a back seat behind all that. Angel had not completely given up hope yet. But Jenny's ghost had mentioned that they had looked into it and had found nothing. So it didn't look good. And it was mainly his problem, not Buffy's, at least not yet. She seemed very preoccupied with everything else and seemed to be careful not to go too far, for his sake. Angel hoped that as long as he had to worry about Buffy's state of mind, it would keep him sufficiently distracted and help him keep himself in check.

* * *

When Buffy arrived at school, Willow was already waiting for her.

"How was the movie?" Buffy asked.

"The movie? Oh yeah, the movie!"

Buffy looked at Willow amused.

"How it was? Well… um… I couldn't really tell you," Willow said and blushed.

Buffy grinned. "And why would that be?"

Willow blushed some more.

"Would Oz have something to do with your unusual lack of interest in the storyline?" Willow couldn't hide her grin any longer. "Good for you, Will!" Buffy said, pleased that her friend had finally found a nice guy who seemed to appreciate her the way she was.

"Oh, Buffy, it was so wonderful. As soon as the lights went out, Oz put his arm around me. And then he started whispering the nicest things into my ear, how glad he was that I had agreed to go out with him, how much fun he thought I was. And every time he leaned over, I got goosebumps. And when I really couldn't take it anymore - I think they were still showing movie trailers - he turned my head very gently and kissed me." Willow sighed and had a dreamy look on her face. "And we didn't stop until the movie was over and the cleaners came in and chased us out. Then he brought me home, all the way up to my door step and kissed me again. Oh, Buffy, I never thought I would feel that way."

Buffy was happy for Willow. But then she got a slightly sad look on her face. She wanted that too, a seriously hot make-out session with Angel. But she knew how reluctant he was. He touched her, hugged her, held her, but he hardly ever initiated a kiss anymore. And this morning he had been incredibly tense. But she didn't take it personal. Last time, this kind of behavior would have made her insecure about his feelings. But she knew he was still attracted to her, still loved her. He had admitted that he, too, was confused. She knew Angel was still terrified of them getting out of control. He didn't trust himself around her. She needed to give him time. That was all. She had to be patient with him. Buffy was confident that after a while he would become more comfortable with their newfound relationship again. Soon Angel would realize that he was overly careful and that a hot make-out session would do no harm. And as long as he didn't dismiss her completely for now, she could deal with it, for a while at least.

"What about you and Angel?" Willow asked, noticing Buffy's sad look.

"We are good."

"So after you defeated the Judge… nothing happened?"

"I spent time with my mom."

"With your mom?"

"Because it was my birthday."

"Not because of the fight you had with Angel?"

"Fight?" Buffy asked carefully.

"I overheard Miss Calendar tell Giles that you two had a terrible fight in the corridor."

"Oh, that… I… we… I can't tell you, Willow. It's about Jenny. It's her secret and I promised not to tell. Angel and I had a disagreement about that. That's all I can tell you. But we resolved it."

"Oh… okay. So you are still together and in love and… on track?"

"On track?" Buffy asked confused.

"Well, you know…"

"Sorry, Will, you lost me."

"Well… I had just hoped that you and Angel… would do it first."

"Do it first?" Buffy asked amused, finally catching on what Willow was talking about.

"Before Oz and me."

"Why?"

"To give me some tips."

"Tips? Don't worry, Will. It'll be fine. Whenever you do it."

"But what if Oz… what if I do something wrong? What if I am not ready? How do I know I am ready when I have nobody to tell me when one is ready?" Willow asked almost panicked. She had been so sure that Buffy would test this out before her and would give her some important tips.

"Willow, this is not a test where you can fail."

"Of course you can!" Willow said alarmed.

"You do it when you feel ready. Even I couldn't tell you when that is for you." Buffy was confident that as long as Willow's first time was with Oz, he would be considerate of her feelings and do the right thing.

"But what if Oz… what if I wait too long?"

"Oz would never push you, Will."

"Push you? What has Oz done?" Xander asked accusingly, coming up behind Buffy and Willow.

Willow looked panicked at having been overheard. "Yeah… um… push me into more kissing than I am ready for."

"Kissing? You and Oz? He kissed you? And you let him?" Xander asked shocked.

"Yes, he did kiss me," Willow said smugly. "And I kissed him back!"

"But… but…" Xander gaped like a fish.

"And why shouldn't she be kissing Oz?" Buffy asked.

"Because… because… well… he's in a band."

"So?" Willow asked.

"Well, you know, people in a band… they… they… you know…"

"I thought you liked Oz," Willow said slightly disappointed.

"I did… um… I do… I just think you are moving too fast, that's all."

"Too fast?"

"I am just worried about you, Will. You should be careful, we hardly know the guy. He could be a… a… he could have a dark secret. Or a secret second identity."

"Like superman?"

"Exactly! No! I mean a _bad_ second secret identity."

* * *

That night, when Xander was making out with Cordelia in her father's car, he did feel slightly bad about having criticized Oz for no real reason at all, especially since he himself was secretly associating with Cordelia. But he was Willow's best friend and as her friend it was his job to protect her. From what he had to protect her, he did not know. But to object to Oz as Willow's choice for a boyfriend on principle had seemed like a good idea at that time. Xander had no time to reconsider his earlier actions further as suddenly a werewolf attacked them through the roof of the car.

* * *

"And you're sure it was a werewolf, Cordy?" Buffy asked the next day, while she was inspecting the hole in the car roof.

"Um… yeah, sure…" Cordelia looked uncertain at Xander.

"And what exactly made you think it was a werewolf? Somebody could have just sliced the car open," Buffy suggested.

"I was in the car when it happened!" Cordelia said almost hysterically.

"Where did it happen?"

"Um…"

"Where, Cordelia?"

"Lover's Lane."

"Maybe you were there with somebody whose girlfriend happened to walk by? That would explain the hole, don't you think?" Buffy said with a smirk.

"It was a werewolf. I… saw him?" Cordelia hadn't actually seen the thing, but Xander had. And since he hadn't wanted the others to know that they had been in the car together, she now had to deal with Buffy's inquisition on her own.

Buffy looked at her unbelieving. "You know, the insurance probably won't pay if you tell them that story. The truth might be a lot more believable," Buffy suggested.

Cordelia thought about this for a moment. "That's actually a very good point." Then she looked at Xander annoyed, as if to say 'why didn't you think of this?'.

"It was a werewolf!" Xander blurted out.

"And you know that because…?" Buffy asked. Of course she knew that Xander had been the one in the car with Cordelia. But she couldn't let the others know that. She only hoped that when Xander and Cordelia's relationship came out, Willow would take it better this time around due to the fact that she was already going out with Oz.

"I was there, too," Xander said. "With someone else, of course." Cordelia gave him a threatening look. "Well, no, okay, I was there alone, just walking by, when Cordelia was attacked by a werewolf, six feet tall, claws, a big old snout in the middle of his face like a wolf. It was a werewolf."

"Why didn't you say so from the beginning?" Buffy prodded. She actually had fun doing this, after Xander had given Willow such a hard time about Oz.

"Well… um… because… I didn't want you guys to think that Cordy and I hang out together."

Something made click in Willow's mind. "Why would you hang out by yourself in Lover's Lane? And why isn't the person Cordelia was _supposedly_ with at the time of the attack here now to give us his testimony? Unless that person actually is already here?" She looked at Xander expectantly.

When Xander didn't answer her face fell. She had hoped until the last moment that there was a more plausible explanation than Xander making out with Cordelia in Lover's Lane. "I don't believe this! You and Cordelia?"

"Willow…" Xander tried to calm her down.

"After all you said about Oz and me? You are such a hypocrite!" Willow stormed off.

"I'm a what? That's something bad, right?" Xander ran after her. "Willow, wait!"

Oz looked after them, but knew they had to fight this one out on their own.

While Oz and Cordelia where still watching Xander chasing after Willow and trying to get her to talk to him, Buffy noticed Giles and Jenny approaching. They were holding hands, but quickly separated when they came closer. But Buffy had noticed and smiled.

"Did we miss something?" Giles asked.

"Not much, only the newest couple news."

Giles coughed. "Newest couple?"

Buffy grinned. Giles was looking a bit uncomfortable. "Yeah, Xander and Cordelia."

"Oh," Giles said relieved. "Xander and Cordelia."

"Rupert, you sound like a parrot," Jenny said amused.

"Oh, sorry. Well, I am happy for Xander and Cordelia and whoever they are with now."

"Giles, they are with each other," Buffy said.

"Oh."

"So, what's the word?"

"Well, it seems there were a number of other attacks by a wild dog around town," Giles said, having gained back his composure. "Several animal carcasses were found mutilated. Fortunately, no people were injured."

"I think I prefer werewolves over vamps. Well, not on a personal level, obviously. Just from a slaying point of view."

"Well, we might not get that lucky next month. But now we have a whole month to come up with a plan."

Where was Willow when you needed her? Buffy had to swallow the pill and pretend she knew something about moon phases. "Um… what about tonight's full moon?"

"Tonight?" Giles asked confused.

"Full moon is tonight."

Giles looked doubtfully at her.

"Angel said something along those lines last night," Buffy added.

"Oh, really. Well, I guess he should know. But that would mean that the accepted legend that werewolves only prowl during a full moon might be erroneous."

"Looks like someone has some reading up to do."

"Um… yes, definitely. Werewolves are quite interesting," Giles said, trying to feign enthusiasm. He gave Jenny a disappointed look. "I will read up on them."

"I could help you, Rupert," Jenny suggested quickly.

Giles' mood lightened immediately. "Really? That would be very… helpful. Thank you. Um… Buffy, do you think you could ask Angel for help with hunting the werewolf? I think I would be of much better use in the library."

"With combined efforts, we might even be able to find something like a cure or counter spell," Jenny said enthusiastically, completely focused on Giles.

"I have never heard of something like that. But then, the legend with the full moon doesn't seem to be correct either." Still looking at Jenny as if he was spellbound by her eyes, Giles asked, "So, Buffy, you and Angel will be alright on your own?"

Buffy and Oz had followed this dialogue with great interest. Cordelia looked rather bored, not really interested in what was going on around her. She was more worried about the trashed car and her father.

"Sure," Buffy managed to get out, trying not to laugh. She wanted Giles and Jenny to be happy, to live happily ever after. But this was almost ridiculous. They were behaving like teenagers, trying to hide their obvious relationship from them.

"Great." If it was possible, Giles looked even happier.

"Gotto go to class, Giles," Buffy said quickly and left before she would loose it completely.

Oz followed close behind. "Man, 'lovestruck' would be an understatement for those two," he said.

Giles and Jenny also made their way into the school building. Cordelia was left standing alone in the parking lot. "Hello? And what about my car?"

* * *

It was shortly before sunset, when Buffy arrived at Angel's place.

"Hey."

"Hey. How are you?"

"Fine. But I need your help."

"With what?"

"Catching a werewolf."

"A werewolf?"

"Yeah, Oz."

"Oz? Doesn't he usually go into the cage in the library?"

"He doesn't know yet that he is a werewolf. Or maybe he knows, but he isn't telling. I can't tell them, so we have to do it like we did it last time. We catch him and when he changes back to human form, everybody knows and it's gonna be okay."

"Oh, so that was when you all found out?"

"Yeah."

Buffy started to tell him what had happened last time. Angel was not aware of much that had happened in Buffy's life while he had been Angelus. She had told him only what had been absolutely necessary after he had come back from hell. She had wanted to avoid making him feel even guiltier than he had already felt about that time. Suddenly, she said, "Oh damn, and we have to stop that guy."

"What guy?"

"The insane hunter guy… the one who hunted just for fun, well, for money. His name was… something like a walking stick."

"Huh?"

"Cain! That was his name. We have to stop him. He could kill Oz. He was such a macho. And he called me 'little girl'. Can you believe that?"

"Well…" Angel could hardly suppress a grin.

"Don't say it!" Buffy threatened teasingly.

"Well, you are a lot stronger than your size implies. That's a compliment."

"Okay, _you_ get away with it. But the way he said it…" Then Buffy remembered something else Cain had said. "Eeeew, and he implied that Giles and I…. yuck."

"That Giles and you what?"

"That we… God, I can't even say it."

Angel looked confused.

"We were alone in Lover's Lane, hunting the werewolf, so he thought that… you know… Giles and I…"

"Oh."

"By the way, you wouldn't believe how Giles and Jenny behaved at school today."

Angel didn't look overly interested. "Buffy, it is about to get dark outside," he reminded her.

"Oh, right, sorry. Got carried away. So, we first have to take out that Cain guy. Last time, Oz never killed humans, but you never know. The faster we take care of Cain, the earlier we can catch Oz. I asked Willow and Oz to go on a double date with us, so we could keep an eye on Oz. But Oz said he was busy. So he probably knows already what's happening."

"Why didn't you simply ask him?"

"How could I possibly know that he is a werewolf, if he just found out himself last night?"

"We could say I saw him while I was out last night."

"And why didn't you approach him last night then?"

"Okay, I see your point. So we get rid of that guy and then what?"

"Then we follow Oz around until he turns, I shoot him with a tranquilizer gun, we wait until he changes back and wakes up and then we _officially_ know he is the werewolf. The end."

* * *

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the college quarterback and the high school cheerleader," Cain said when Buffy and Angel were suddenly standing right in front of him. "Man, those movie clichés really exist."

Before he could say anything else, Buffy knocked him out cold. "You will never call me 'little girl' again!"

"You do hold a grudge," Angel said impressed. The he dragged the unconscious man towards a tree to tie him up.

"Tie him up really well. We need to catch Oz first. Then we chase this guy out of the city."

* * *

When Buffy and Angel made their way over to Oz's place, they encountered Willow, who had gotten insecure about their relationship due to his sudden reluctance to spend time with her on two consecutive nights. She wanted to talk to him about it. Oz changed his form right in front of them. Willow was blocking Buffy's line of vision. Buffy didn't want to shoot Willow and Oz escaped. Buffy and Angel ran after him and Buffy was soon able to get a clear shot and Oz went down.

When Willow caught up with them she was still slightly under shock. "Oh my God. Did you see what I saw? It's Oz. Oz is the werewolf."

"I know, Willow. But it's gonna be okay," Buffy tried to console her.

"So that's why he didn't want to go out." That thought made Willow smile. "It wasn't me after all. It was because of him, because he's a werewolf."

Angel lifted the unconscious werewolf over his shoulder. "Let's take him back to my place, it's the closest. He's rather heavy."

When they arrived at his place, Angel asked Buffy, "Do you think the tranquilizer will knock him out long enough until he changes back or should we tie him up?"

"Giles gave me a rather strong dosage, I think."

"Poor Oz," Willow said.

"I'll watch him," Angel offered. "Buffy, maybe you should get Willow home."

"Okay, and I still have to have a word with Cain about whose city this is. Come on, Will, I'll bring you home."

Willow was reluctant to leave.

"Come on, Willow, Angel will take good care of him. You can't do anything for him right now."

"Don't hurt him. Cause it's not his fault," Willow pleaded.

"Don't worry. He'll be fine," Angel assured her.

Willow sighed, but finally let herself be pulled along by Buffy.

When they had left, Angel got a blanket and covered Oz with it. He also got out some clothes Oz would need when he woke up.

* * *

The next morning at school Xander was watching Willow and Oz talking from afar. He would have loved to be privy to their conversation. But he was pretty sure of the outcome anyway. When Buffy and Cordelia joined him, he said, "She'll probably dump him any moment now. It's the only logical thing to do."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that, Xander," Buffy said.

"Come on, she can't date a werewolf. Who would do such a thing?"

Buffy gave him an evil look, feeling insulted by his remark.

"Well, obviously, girls don't know what is good for them," Xander said.

"For once, you are absolutely right, Xander," Cordelia said smugly.

Xander got the hint and shut up.

"And don't forget you once dated a mummy and who knows what else, Xander," Buffy reminded him.

* * *

Later that day, Oz went over to Angel's place to return the borrowed clothes. "Here, thanks for the clothes. They are clean. I washed them."

"No problem."

"Can I ask you a question?"

Angel nodded.

"When Buffy found out that you were a vampire, how did she react?"

"At first, not too well. I never thought she would come around after that. Wouldn't have blamed her."

"Me neither… I mean Willow of course. I offered to stay out of her way. But she said she's cool with it. And I guess since you and Buffy are pulling it off..."

Angel didn't say anything.

Oz got an apprehensive look on his face. "That hard?"

"Sometimes."

"You two seem to be doing fine."

"Sometimes I think it would be better if I just left."

"Better for whom?" Oz asked confused.

"For her."

Oz looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "You think she's just trying to spare your feelings or something?" he asked skeptically.

"No."

"Then why leave?"

"To make it easier for her."

"That is some twisted logic, man."

"You think?"

Oz nodded. "It's their decision. If we start trying to figure out what is best for them, we'll end up screwing up."

"You think?"

Oz nodded again. "Yeah, man, I mean… women… even if we have a 50-50 chance of figuring them out, we usually end up choosing wrong. Now try that with even more complex things…"

"I see your point."

"We are doomed to fail."

"It's just… complicated… Buffy and me."

"More complicated than turning into a werewolf three days a month?"

Angel nodded.

"Wow, then I am glad I am a werewolf. Well, I gotta go. Got a hot date."

"Good luck."

"Seems like you need it more. Thanks again for the clothes," Oz said and left.

Angel grabbed his coat. He had plans as well.

* * *

Angel and Buffy had just finished their patrol. It had been a quiet night.

"No vamps, no werewolves, no werewolf hunters. What more could one wish for?" Buffy said cheerily, jumping over a tombstone. Before she could take on another one, Angel grabbed her hand. Buffy stopped and looked at him curiously.

"I have something for you." Angel took a small velvety pouch out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"Really? What's the occasion?" Buffy asked.

"There's no real occasion, other than me hoping that it will make you sleep better from now on."

Buffy opened the pouch. In it was a silver necklace in the form of a triangle consisting of knots that had a Celtic look to them. "It's beautiful, Angel!" Buffy said overwhelmed. After inspecting it for a moment and not being sure what exactly she was looking at, she pointed out, "But it's not a cross, 'cause I know what a cross looks like. But it's absolutely beautiful."

Angel smiled. "No, it's not a cross. It's called a triquetra. I wanted you to have something new, something you didn't have before, or in the future we are trying to change. It is unique to this timeline. Wear it at night. When you wake up and can't remember where you are, the necklace will tell you."

Buffy was tempted to point out that simply sleeping in the same bed as him every night would have solved the problem just as well. But that would have been very rude and ungrateful. And it was a terribly thoughtful present and an incredibly beautiful one as well. She loved it. "Thank you. Help me put it on?"

Angel opened the necklace and fastened it around her neck. He placed a quick kiss to her neck that made her shiver.

"That's very thoughtful of you. I will wear it always." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"That's actually what I was hoping for and why it isn't a cross this time."

Buffy looked at him quizzically.

"Well, remember what happened when you kissed me last time you wore a necklace I gave you?"

"Oh!" Buffy pulled back instantly. But of course his chest wasn't scorched this time. Then she smiled up at him. "Good thinking."

"Yeah, I thought so, too." He grinned. "I didn't want to have to choose between you getting sleep and me getting burned on a regular basis."

"Me neither. I wouldn't know what I need more. Well, you know what I mean, getting sleep or being in your arms."

TBC


	6. Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

**Chapter 6 – Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered**

**Notes:**

_Thanks f__or all the encouraging reviews! Sorry that it has taken so long to update this. When I first started this story I thought it would be easy to write: rewatch an episode, change a few things, voilá. Turns out this story is the hardest to write of them all. The closer to canon, the more facts there are to check and consider. It's more restricting than other stories. In AU stories, I can simply make up facts. Also, everybody already knows what's going to happen and it still has to be interesting. And somehow the chapters end up being incredibly long each time. This is the longest chapter so far. But what I am basically trying to say is that these long times in between chapters are likely to be quite common for this story. So, I hope you are still with me._

_**I also changed the rating from T to M for this chapter.**__ It doesn't contain anything explicit, just a tad more skin to see / imagine and some suggestive remarks. And this is the love spell episode, so it could be considered as the Buffyverse equivalent of "Don't do drugs!" (i.e. "Don't do spells!"). So this is a warning for spell-abuse and the consequences._

_And to solve the little trivia from the last chapter: The title of this story is from__ the episode "Surprise", said by Drusilla after the Judge burned Dalton (the book vampire)._

* * *

Buffy and Angel were on patrol.

"So, you wanna do anything for Valentine's Day?" Angel asked.

"Valentine's Day…"

"Yeah."

Somehow the mentioning of that day tugged at Buffy's brain. "Valentine's Day… Valentine's Day…"

"Buffy?"

"Ssh… let me think." What did happen four years ago on Valentine's Day? Since Buffy had such a hard time remembering, it was safe to say that nobody had died. It had probably been another day to mope about Angel.

Angel could guess that she was trying to remember. He knew what he had done on Valentine's Day as Angelus. He had gotten her flowers. "Buffy… I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"Well, what Angelus did. The flowers and the card."

"Flowers? Oh yeah, I remember now. The flowers. And I forced Giles to tell me more about Angelus' preferred… pastimes for Valentine's Day. But then… oh damn!" Now she remembered.

"Oh damn?"

"I gotta skip Valentine's Day this year."

"Why? Not that I am particularly into this day. But I thought you would want to do something."

"I would, normally, but we gotta skip this year. Damn, I already skipped it last time."

"That's only understandable."

"No, not because of that. Well, I intended to skip it, because you weren't… around, well, not exactly. But in the end I was forced to skip it. I was a rat."

"A rat?"

"Yeah, Amy changed me into a rat. But I know how to avoid that now. But in order to do that I need to spend some time with my friends."

"Sure, but what exactly happened? I only remember going to your place, but you weren't there. And then there was Xander with Cordelia. I wanted to… um… well you know, but then Dru showed up and wanted him for herself. She acted kind of strange."

"I can imagine." Buffy said, not very surprised at all.

"No, more so than usual, really possessive. I wish Spike would have seen it though," Angel chuckled. "After already pissing him off with the present I gave Dru that would have given him the rest."

"What did you get Dru?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Um… not important," Angel said quickly, hoping Buffy would let it go.

"What was it?"

"Nothing."

"Angel!"

"Just something to outdo Spike and his present. Spike got her a necklace, but she liked mine better."

"What did you get her?" Buffy demanded.

Angel sighed. "A heart."

"Don't see what's so special about that. Xander will get Cordelia a necklace with a heart as well. I didn't think Angelus would be into that kitsch. And I would have thought that Drusilla has a more eccentric taste."

"It wasn't a necklace."

Buffy looked confused.

"It was a… real heart."

Buffy's face lost all color. Somebody had died after all on Valentine's Day. "Well, I guess I can call myself lucky that I got the roses then."

"So why were you turned into a rat?" Angel asked quickly, trying to change the topic.

"Um…" How much should she tell him? "That was quite a funny story actually." Buffy laughed somewhat artificially. "You see, Xander did a love spell, because Cordelia had dumped him." Buffy noticed Angel's grin at that information but chose to ignore it. "But the spell went wrong and Amy, besides some others, fell madly in love with him. And everybody who fell in love with him got also madly jealous of every other female at school, so Amy changed me into a rat."

Angel thought about that for a moment. "Is that why Dru behaved so strangely? Could that spell have had any influence on her as well?"

"Maybe," Buffy said hesitantly.

Had Angel looked at her, he would have noticed the guilty expression on her face. But he was deep in thought. "She deserves better than him."

"Who?" Buffy asked confused.

"Cordelia. I'd say let them break up now better than later, if it weren't for the possibility of it causing an apocalypse."

Buffy looked panicked. "Apocalypse?"

"Well, um, that was just an example, a very unlikely example. It would probably just cause somebody to buy a car in a different color or so."

Buffy didn't look convinced. "Besides, they got back together again afterwards. But I am not sure if it was because of the spell or something else. Wait a minute, what do you mean by 'she deserves better than him'? Xander deserves someone better than _her_."

"Buffy, Cordelia is… will be a very good person… whereas Xander…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, say it. You think Xander is a jerk whereas in your eyes Cordelia is obviously Mother Theresa!"

"Can we please not fight about Xander and Cordelia?"

"You started it."

"Forget what I said. Maybe we really shouldn't do anything this time. Nobody gets hurt or killed because of their break-up, or temporary breakup. So let's just lie back for a couple of days, see it as a vacation. We've done nothing else but try to anticipate things and change them. We deserve a break."

"I'd like that too. But in the end some girls got rather violent when Xander rejected them. I think Willow mentioned axes or something like that. I think it would be safer if we prevent the spell before it is even cast, just to be on the safe side." Buffy hoped she could convince Angel without having to reveal that she had practically presented herself to Xander on a silver platter, and rather naked as well. That argument would definitely convince him. "I can hardly keep Cordelia from dumping Xander. But I can keep Xander from doing the spell by simply spending time with him."

Angel shrugged his shoulders. "It's your call. I wasn't there."

"Okay then, the thing – the dumping – will most likely go down at the Bronze, like last time. I'll be there as well and watch Xander and Cordelia. When she dumps him, I'll try to cheer him up."

"I'll come with you."

"I don't think that would be very productive. Willow will probably be there with Oz. I think one couple is more than enough. It will only remind Xander that he is single."

Angel grinned. "If your plan doesn't work, I could simply threaten him into not doing it."

"And how do we know he wants to do a spell?" Buffy asked.

"Okay, so then we threaten the witch."

"Xander might simply find someone else, someone even more dangerous."

"Okay. But if you stop Xander from doing the spell, will they end up together or not? They got back together last time, so we should try to ensure that they get back together again." Angel really wasn't a fan of that idea, but he knew that they had been together for quite a while longer and the closer the events were to the events last time, the less unexpected things they'd have to deal with, or so he hoped at least.

"If they don't get back together on their own, we'll simply have some convincing to do."

"You really have no idea what brought them back together again last time?"

"No." But she knew how fickle Cordelia was. It might have simply been suggested to her in a fashion magazine that geeks were the new hip accessory, or maybe in a fortune cookie.

"What if it was the spell after all?" Angel asked.

"The spell didn't work on Cordelia."

"How do you know?"

"Because she was the only one it didn't work on."

Angel immediately realized the implications of what Buffy had said. "The only one it didn't work on? Does that mean that you…?"

"Nothing happened," Buffy said quickly.

"Nothing happened? I didn't imply that anything happened. What do you mean with nothing happened?"

"I was a rat, remember? I spent most of the time with fur, a tail and looking for cheese." Buffy was still terribly afraid to lose Angel. She believed – or at least considered it a possibility – that he was still unsure about staying. His stunt to leave her after he had promised he would stay had left deep scars. She didn't want to give him a reason to think that she might be interested in Xander. She didn't want to give Angel the slightest reason to think that she might be interested in anybody who hadn't a curse-related sex restriction. Who knew what Angel's mind would read into the knowledge that Buffy had hit on Xander, even if she had been under the influence of a curse. She simply didn't want to risk it.

* * *

The Bronze

Buffy was sitting with Willow. But while Willow couldn't tear her eyes away from the band, more precisely from one particular band member, Buffy was looking in the opposite direction, watching Xander approach Cordelia. Even though she didn't like Cordelia, she didn't like to see Xander getting hurt. Buffy had to fight really hard to stay where she was and not head over there and hit Cordelia.

Once the whole scene was over, Xander stormed out of the Bronze. Buffy followed him.

"Xander, wait!"

"I just want to go home and wallow in my misery."

"She doesn't deserve you anyway."

"What? You saw that?"

Buffy gave him a sympathetic smile and nodded.

"Great, double humiliation. I really need to get out of here."

"Stay. You'll feel a lot better around your friends right now."

"I don't think I can take Willow admire her oh so perfect boyfriend."

"If you leave now Cordelia wins. Do you want her to chase you from your turf? Why should you leave? She dumped you. She doesn't want to be around you, she has to go."

"She can have it."

"Oh, come on. Show her what she is missing out on. We'll have fun, dance and all she can do is look at your nice butt and wallow in regret."

"You think I have a nice butt?" Xander asked.

"Um… well… Corelia obviously thought so. And maybe some other nice girl will catch your attention. That certainly won't happen if you leave now."

"Well, yeah, it would be kinda unfair to ground my butt and deprive it of a chance to meet new people just because I got dumped. It's not my butt's fault Cordelia doesn't know quality when she sees it."

Buffy frowned at his reasoning, but then quickly said, "Exactly."

"Okay… but only if you dance with me to make Cordelia jealous."

"Um… okay, sure." Buffy was glad that she had been able to convince Angel to stay at home and let her go alone.

They went back inside. The band had just started a new song. Xander and Buffy went straight to the dance floor, passing by a stunned Cordelia and pretending to be totally oblivious of her.

They were totally oblivious of somebody else who was watching them intently from the upper level. Angel had accepted that accompanying Buffy would not have been very helpful in this case. But he had gotten the feeling that she had kept some facts from him. He told himself he was following her for her own good. Maybe she didn't want to admit that she would put herself in danger by what she was doing. Maybe she just wanted some space and didn't want to hurt his feelings. Angel was aware that he tended to be overprotective, probably even more so this time around. He didn't want to smother her. So the only logical thing to do was following Buffy without her knowing about it. He knew he should probably feel guilty about checking up on her, but it was almost second nature to him, or it had been back then at least. And it was like riding a bike.

On the dance floor Buffy and Xander were dancing exuberantly. After some initial reluctance due to Cordelia's proximity, Xander seemed to get more and more confident. Who wouldn't, Angel mused, if he was dancing with someone as beautiful as Buffy? Angel almost felt bad for Cordelia. Despite trying to look like she didn't care, Angel could see that Buffy and Xander's dancing was upsetting her a great deal. Nobody else seemed to notice though, certainly not Xander and Buffy. And he doubted they would care, even if they did notice. Maybe only he was able to tell because he had come to know her so well during their years together at AI.

Just like Buffy, Angel had witnessed how Cordelia had dumped Xander. But obviously, Xander hadn't noticed that Cordelia had not done it lightly, how reluctant she had been. He had even been able to hear it in her voice. Xander hadn't bothered to notice. If he didn't see her pain, then he didn't deserve her. In Angel's mind, Cordelia deserved someone who knew how to appreciate her. He was aware that she wasn't the easiest person to be around. One had to take the time to get to know her. Everyone deserved someone in their life.

* * *

The next day at school Willow pointed at Buffy's necklace and said, "I meant to ask you last night, is that new?"

Buffy looked down at the necklace and smiled. "Yeah, it's new."

"Let me guess," Willow said excitedly. "That was Angel's Valentine's Day present."

"It's from Angel, but it's wasn't a Valentine's Day present."

"It wasn't?" Willow asked surprised. "Birthday present then? But he already gave you a ring for your birthday."

"He gave it to me a few days ago. He just wanted me to have it. If I wear his other necklace, it can get tricky for him. With this one I won't burn him."

"Oh, good thinking."

Buffy looked at the necklace and smiled. "Very good thinking."

"He really loves you very much."

"And I love him. I wouldn't know what I would do without him."

* * *

Xander couldn't take it anymore. He had been a silent witness to Willow and Buffy's conversation. And before that, when he had wanted to return a book, he had witnessed Giles and Miss Calendar making out in the library. He had simply left it on the counter, as Giles and his sweetheart hadn't even noticed him coming in. And before that he had to watch Oz and Willow make out in front of the school. It seemed everybody was happy with their respective others but him. Even the aging librarian had a girl who was crazy about him. Even a werewolf and a vampire were obviously preferable to a human Xander. And he was fed up with it. He couldn't bear to hear one more word about how great and considerate Angel was or how sweet and understanding Oz was. Carefully, so that neither Willow nor Buffy would notice him, Xander left. He had to find Amy.

* * *

"He loves you, you love him," Willow said. "So, then why haven't you two… you know…?"

"Willow!" Buffy admonished her friend, motioning her to keep her voice down since they were still in the school corridor and surrounded by other students.

"You said you considered doing it," Willow said, now in a lower voice. "And suddenly you don't want to anymore?"

"It's complicated…"

"You two really haven't?"

Buffy scrutinized Willow. "Why this sudden interest? Is it because of Oz?"

"No, not really. Just… general interest?"

"Willow, come on. Tell me."

"He hasn't mentioned anything. You and Angel at least talked about it."

"So?"

"What if he breaks up with me, if I wait too long?"

"Will, Oz will never push you. Just tell him you are not ready. He'll understand. He is not one of those inconsiderate idiots. And if he were, he wouldn't deserve you anyway."

"Maybe he doesn't even want to sleep with me."

"Willow…"

"I am too… frivolous?"

Buffy could hardly keep herself from laughing. "Frivolous? You?"

"Well, you and Angel have been together for ages, at least it seems that way, but you haven't… And Oz and I have only been together for a few weeks and I constantly think about… you know."

"Willow, that's normal."

"But you don't."

"I do, of course, I do."

"But then…. Why?"

"Angel and me is complicated. Angel is a vampire."

"Oz is a werewolf."

"Yes, but only three days of the month. The rest of the time he is completely human. Angel is a vampire all the time."

"Do you think he would hurt you?"

"No, he'd never hurt me. Not in that way."

"Then I really don't understand."

Buffy wanted to help her friend. She knew in the other timeline Willow's first time had still been a while away. Realizing that their coming back had already changed even Willow's life gave Buffy cause for concern. But since Willow was still with Oz, what could go wrong? He was a considerate guy who genuinely cared about Willow. "Just do what feels right."

"Feels right?"

"You'll know what I mean when you do it."

"How do you know?"

"Well… um…"

"You already did it, didn't you?"

"No…" Buffy said unconvincingly.

"How else would you know?"

"Well…"

"You did it! You two did it already."

"I… we…" Buffy stammered.

"You know you can tell me everything," Willow said disappointedly. "I won't judge you. I'd never do that."

"I know that, Will."

"Then why wouldn't you tell me? I can keep secrets. I'd never tell anybody else something like that."

"I know, Will."

"Then why?"

"Well… because…" Buffy had to come up with something quickly. "I didn't want you to feel pressured."

"Pressured?" Willow asked confused.

"Yeah, you already feel like you have to rush. If you knew that Angel and I had done it… well, I didn't want you to feel pressured."

"Oh."

"I just want you to take your time."

"Well, if it is that important to you, I promise you that I will take my time and not feel pressured, by you or anybody else. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Um… so… how often have you done it?" Willow asked curiously.

Buffy thought about this for a moment. She hated lying to Willow. So she tried to keep everything as close to the truth as possible. "Once." That wasn't even a lie.

"Wasn't it good?" Willow asked confused.

"It was."

"But then… wouldn't you want to… you know… do it again?"

"Well… sure, but we… we decided to take it slow. And with my mom not even knowing I have a boyfriend, it would be rather difficult to… you know… do it again. And we really don't want to rush anything."

"You don't have to say that just because of me. I won't rush. I told you that. No rushing."

* * *

Amy was walking down the corridor, when somebody grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty room.

"Hey, Amy. We gotta talk."

* * *

After Xander demanded his necklace back from Cordelia, he and Amy met after school to do the spell. Xander went to look for Cordelia, wanting to test the spell as soon as possible. He tried his luck at the Bronze. Cordelia was there, but she was as disinterested in him as ever. When he tried to drown his sorrow in some coffee, several other girls approached him and tried to cheer him up. Xander wasn't very receptive to their advances as he was too preoccupied with being disappointed that the spell hadn't worked. When the girls started to fight over who could sit next to him and who could buy him the next coffee, Xander left the Bronze. But the girls followed him and when they started to use their fists to force Xander's attention and eliminate the competition, he finally understood that the spell had worked, just not the way he had hoped. Explaining that they were under a spell didn't help one bit and his followers were getting more and more aggressive by the minute. Xander made a run for it and managed to outrun them and ran straight into Spike's goons.

* * *

The Factory

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Spike said.

"Oh… Valentine's Day…" Drusilla purred.

"Yes, and I got something for you."

"Really?" she said excitedly like a little kid.

"Yes, but you have to close your eyes first."

Drusilla did as Spike had told her. "Okay, now can I have my present?"

"Just one moment, pet," Spike said.

Drusilla could hear something big being dragged across the factory floor.

"Put him there!" Spike commanded from his wheelchair. "Come on, stand up! Don't you wanna look your best for my girl?"

Some mumbling and grumbling could be heard.

"You can open your eyes, pet."

Xander was standing gagged, bound and wrapped in a light chain made of heart shaped lights. "Say happy Valentine's Day! Oh, right, you can't talk. Sorry about that," Spike said, not being sorry at all, of course.

"For me? Oh, Spike!"

"Yes, all for you, pet. And there is something else."

"Something else?" Dru asked excitedly, jumping up and down.

"It's in his shirt pocket."

Drusilla made his way over to Xander. When he saw the lunatic vampire heading towards him he tried to flee. But when he tried to take a step back he almost fell over due to his feet being bound together. Only Drusilla grabbing him prevented him from crashing to the floor.

"Not so fast, we have the whole night still ahead of us," Drusilla purred. She fished around in his shirt pocket and found a necklace. "Oh, Spike. It's beautiful." Then she looked at Xander more closely. "But I really like the wrapping, too." Still looking intently at Xander, Dru carelessly put the necklace on the table behind her, but she missed it and the necklace fell to the floor.

"Dru, you dropped something," Spike said annoyed.

"I'll get it later," she said, not sounding like she meant it though.

"Dru?"

"Maybe you are useful for more than one night," Drusilla mused, trailing her hand over Xander's chest.

"Dru!"

"Yes?" Drusilla finally looked at Spike.

"I gave him to you. You are supposed to be grateful to me."

"And it's a really great present." Looking back at Xander, she said, "Never had such a great present." She took a knife and cut the rope around Xander's feet. Without another word, she dragged him along to her bedroom. Xander stood no chance against her superhuman strength.

Spike followed them in his wheelchair. When he got to the bedroom, Drusilla had pinned Xander to the bed, straddling him. She was about to cut the rest of the rope. The heart shaped light chain had already been draped over the bedposts.

"Dru? What are you doing?" Spike asked, not pleased at all about how this night was developing.

Drusilla ignored him completely. After she had cut the rope she started to open the buttons of Xander's shirt. Xander was writhing and winding beneath her, but it was no use. "Oh, naughty boy. Can't wait to get started, can you?"

Xander started to wiggle even more.

"Dru!" Spike yelled. "He is supposed to be a snack, for eating, nothing more."

Drusilla grinned at him mischievously. "Oh, I do plan on eating him."

"I meant eating as in killing him in the process."

"Why would I want to kill my sweetheart? I want to turn him. We will have many, many beautiful centuries together."

Hearing those words, Xander was reduced to a whimpering mess.

"That's enough, Dru! This is not funny!" Spike yelled.

Drusilla ignored him completely. She had removed Xander's gag and was kissing him full on the lips. Spike moved his wheelchair as close to the bed as he could and grabbed Drusilla's arm to pull her away from Xander. She snarled at him threateningly. "Leave us alone! He's mine."

"You will not turn him, Dru. He is just food, nothing else."

"He is so much more. He is perfect. I love him. And he loves me. You are just jealous."

"You are damn right, I am." Spike grabbed her more tightly, pulled her closer to him and then hit her as hard as he could, knocking her out cold. "But I sure know what to do about that."

Taking her by surprise had been his only choice, since he knew Drusilla had the advantage over him while he was stuck to this damn wheelchair. Spike dropped Drusilla to the floor. In his current state he couldn't do much else. But he was still strong, and certainly much stronger than Xander. Spike grabbed him and pulled him towards him. He changed into his demon face, his intention obvious.

"Don't kill me! Please, don't kill me," Xander whimpered.

"Really? I can't think of one reason why I shouldn't kill you. Your death would serve several purposes at once."

"Several?" Xander repeated, knowing his chances of survival were slim even if Spike had no particular reason at all to kill him.

"Sure, Dru focusing on me again. The Slayer being pissed at me. -"

"I get it. I am expendable. But your lunatic… um… fantastic girlfriend would be mighty pissed off as well, if you kill me."

"I am willing to take that risk." Spike smiled and bared his fangs even more. "With pleasure."

"Are you really?" Xander asked, mustering as much courage as he could.

"Sure. And for your information, I have never had one victim who successfully talked himself out of being killed by me. Lots have tried. Actually, the only ones who haven't tried were either unconscious or I simply didn't give them time to even utter a single word." Spike lowered his teeth to Xander's neck.

In a last-ditch effort to save his life, Xander said, "I did a love spell."

Spike pulled back his head to look at Xander. His expression left no doubt that he was starting to get really annoyed with his ramblings.

Xander quickly went on, "And now every female in Sunnydale thinks she is in love with me. If you kill me, the spell might stay active and your girlfriend will mourn me until the end of her days. But if you let me go, I can reverse the spell."

"Right, nice try." Spike lowered his head again.

"You don't believe me?"

"No."

"You have a better explanation for Drusilla's behavior? Think she really fell in love with me because of my good looks and charm?"

That finally got Spike's attention. "Good point."

"And, come one, let's be honest, I mean, it's just you and me, right? I could never come up with such a story on my own, unless it was the truth."

Spike looked at Xander doubtfully. "Yeah, but you could never pull off a spell either."

"I had help. I blackmailed a witch."

"Idiots often resort to blackmail. And then they are in over their head."

"Now you got it! That's exactly me!" Xander said cheerfully.

Spike quickly weighed his options. "But you better not be lying to me. Or it won't be pretty. If this isn't solved by sunrise, as soon as the sun sets again I'll come and find you and-"

"-kill me. Yeah, yeah, what else." Xander rolled his eyes.

* * *

Xander was searching for Amy when he ran into Buffy.

"Xander, I've been looking all over for you."

"Really? Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright after what Cordelia did to you."

"Oh."

Buffy came closer. "Yeah, that was really, really mean of her. She simply doesn't know a real man when she has one right in front of her."

"Um…"

"But I do."

"You do what?"

Buffy put her arms around Xander's neck. "I know a man when I see one."

"Um… I think you are confusing me with somebody else."

Buffy smiled seductively. "You are Xander, aren't you?"

"Y-Yes… I am."

"See, I knew I had the right guy."

"What about Angel?"

"Angel?"

"Yeah, the guy who will kill me, drain me, tear me into tiny little pieces and burn me if he even thinks I touched you."

Buffy let her hands trail from his neck down to his hands and dragged him further away from the street. "Why don't we talk about you?"

"Me? Not much to tell. You already know me." Xander chuckled nervously. "We are friends. Good friends. But just friends."

"Well, then we have to change that, don't we?" Buffy pushed Xander with his back against a tree.

"I think we already know each other as well as we should. Don't get me wrong, I find you very attractive, but it so happens that you find Angel far more attractive than me."

"I have a hard time believing that."

"And why is that?"

"Well, because I am standing in front of you, not him, with nothing underneath my coat."

Xander's throat got very dry and he had trouble swallowing. "Well… um… and you should leave that coat on, so you won't catch a cold. And I won't catch my death."

* * *

Angel was in search of Buffy. They had planned to meet for patrol, but Buffy hadn't shown up and Angel was starting to get worried.

He'd asked her if she wanted to spend more time with Xander. After having seen her dance with Xander, Angel had wanted to find out if Buffy would jump at another opportunity to spend time with Xander. But Buffy had declined and said that she wanted to spend time with him instead.

Angel had methodically searched half the city for Buffy already when he picked up her scent. And it was mixed with the scent of arousal. Angel followed it. He expected to find Buffy involved in a fight or maybe hurt, but certainly not clinging to Xander and nibbling on his ear.

Angel was sure that Buffy loved him. But he wasn't as convinced as Buffy that she didn't need or want sex. She was a twenty-one-year-old trapped in the life and body of a seventeen-year-old. Angel was also pretty sure that Buffy felt nothing but friendship for Xander, but in Angel's eyes that fact made him perfect for an uncomplicated one-night stand. Angel was too blinded by the pain of seeing his girlfriend throwing herself at someone else that he failed to realize that Buffy would never play with Xander's feelings like that. He was so in rage and so hurt that it didn't occur to him that the whole situation didn't make sense at all.

"Here you are," Angel said contemptuously. "And to think I was actually worried about you. Decided your friend needed more comforting after all? Or was the whole thing just an excuse to screw him?" Without waiting for an answer from either of them, Angel turned and left.

Xander ran after him, trying to explain. "It's my fault. I did a love spell."

Angel whirled around. "What?"

"I… I… It's not what you think. I wanted to get back at Cordelia. The spell wasn't intended for Buffy. But something must have gone wrong. You have to believe me."

"You did the spell? But I thought… Damn!" Angel had assumed that Buffy had succeeded in preventing Xander from doing the spell. He'd had great confidence in Buffy's abilities to cheer Xander up and not only because he had been a witness to her tactics the night before. And she wasn't a rat either.

"Yes. But I'm gonna make it alright again. There's already one death warrant on my head."

Buffy had followed them and was touching Xander again. Angel grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. He walked off. "I am going to Giles and see if he can do something. And you better try and find that witch that performed the spell."

"That was the plan anyway," Xander said meekly.

Angel turned around again one more time. "If you had touched her…"

"I know. Me dead. I didn't. I swear."

* * *

Angel was glad when he finally arrived at Giles' apartment as Buffy had been struggling the whole way.

"What happened? Is Buffy hurt?" Giles asked concerned.

"Don't worry. She is fine. Just under the influence of a spell, a love spell."

"Oh dear."

"We have to find a way to reverse the spell. I already sent Xander in search of Amy. But I am not sure he'll be able to handle her on his own. I was hoping you might have some suggestions."

"I need to know as much as possible about the spell."

"Xander wanted to get Cordelia back, or get back at her, I am not quite sure on that. He asked Amy to do a love spell for him. And now every female in Sunnydale thinks she is in love with Xander. And they tend to get very violent when they don't get what they want."

"Xander did this? Every female in… oh my…"

Buffy started to struggle anew. "Let me down! I need to get back to Xander. Put me down!"

"I see what you mean," Giles said, looking concerned at Buffy. "But I need to know more. There are so many different love spells out there. I wouldn't know where to start. It would be the easiest to get Amy to reverse the spell."

"The problem is that Amy is most likely a victim of the spell as well. It might be difficult to convince her to reverse it. That's why I came to you. And I didn't want the Slayer and a witch in the same room fighting over Xander." Angel couldn't risk Buffy being turned into a rat.

"I see. Yes, that might have unforeseeable consequences. But I can't just perform any spell."

"Buffy might know something." Angel wasn't sure how much Buffy knew about the specifics of the spell, since she had spent most of her time as a rat last time, but it was certainly more than he did and worth a try. "Could you leave us alone for a moment?"

Giles looked at Angel questioningly.

"To help her concentrate on me," Angel lied.

"Sure, I'll be outside. I could use a breath of fresh air anyway." Giles was very worried about Jenny's whereabouts. She'd been at his apartment earlier but had made a rather hasty exit. She was probably under the influence of the spell as well. Giles wanted to look for her, but he knew the best thing he could do to help her was reverse the spell.

After Giles had closed the door, Angel sat Buffy on her feet, but didn't let go of her. "Buffy, listen to me. What broke the spell the last time? Do you know?"

"You can't keep me here! You can't keep me from Xander," Buffy yelled.

Angel shook her. "Buffy, listen to me. You are not in love with Xander. It is just a spell."

"Let go of me!"

It got harder and harder to restrain her without hurting her. "Buffy, look at me! What broke the spell last time?"

"Let me go! Take your hands off me!"

Angel had to grab her so hard he was sure he was causing bruises, even on her skin. "Listen to me! Please!"

"You can't keep me from Xander," Buffy yelled.

"Buffy! Listen to me! You don't love Xander. You love me! And I love you! You have to remember! Look at me! I love you! Please, listen to your heart. It will tell you the truth. You just have to stop and listen to it for a moment."

Buffy looked at him confused. "I… I feel so strange… and… it's hard to… think."

"It's okay. Everything will be okay. I promise." Angel pulled her over to the couch. "Come on, sit down. Let's talk about this."

Buffy sat down. "Talk? About what?"

"Buffy, you are under a spell, a spell that makes you do things you would never do in reality. You gotta try and focus."

"Focus…"

"Yes, focus. I need you to think back, think back four years. Remember, when this happened for the first time?"

"You weren't here."

"That's right. But can you remember how the spell was broken?"

"What spell?"

"The love spell Xander made Amy cast."

"Xander…"

"No, no, no, forget about him. Look at me." Angel framed her face with his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. "We belong together. You and me."

"You and me," Buffy repeated like in trance.

"Yes."

Buffy started touching his chest. "You and me." She started to unbutton his shirt.

He grabbed her wrists to stop her. "No! We can't do that."

"Why not?" Buffy pouted. "You said we belong together."

"We do. But we can't."

Since Angel was still restraining her hands, Buffy leaned forward and kissed his neck. Angel tried to push her back, but she was still able to reach his neck and continued kissing it. "I want you."

"I want you too, but we can't."

Angel let go of her hands. Buffy grabbed his arms and pressed them into the couch. She started kissing from his neck towards his chest. And it felt so good that Angel was tempted to just give in, but only for a second. Buffy wasn't herself and their actions would have terrible consequences. Again, Angel tried to push her off him. He didn't want to hurt her, but he had to stop her. With more force this time he threw her off him. Buffy landed at the far end of the couch, almost falling off.

"You don't want me," Buffy said hurt. "You lied to me."

"Buffy, no, that's not true."

"How can you not want me when you love me?" Buffy asked upset. Slowly, sensually, she pushed the coat off her shoulders, exposing her naked skin. She gave Angel a tempting look. "Especially when I am all naked?"

Angel averted his eyes. "Please stop. I do love you. But we can't. And you'll remember why once we reverse this damn spell." He stood up and turned his back to her, putting some distance between them.

But Buffy had other plans. She came up behind him and leaned against his back. "Why so tense? Relax." She put her arms around his torso and started stroking his chest. When Angel did nothing to stop her, she started opening the buttons of his shirt.

"Buffy, stop it!" Angel grabbed her hands and tried to free himself from her embrace. He turned around and managed to hold onto her wrists. "Stop it! You are under the influence of a spell!"

Buffy continued struggling, trying to get out of Angel's grasp. They fought for control. Angel tried not to hurt Buffy in the process, but she didn't seem to have such qualms and didn't hold back at all. Suddenly, Angel tripped and fell. Not daring to let go of Buffy he pulled her down with him. She landed on top off him. Angel rolled them over and tried to get up but Buffy grabbed onto him and rolled them over again, pinning Angel to the floor. He tried to push Buffy off him, but the belt of Buffy's coat had loosened during their struggle and Angel's hands made contact with her naked skin. Quickly he withdrew his hands again. Buffy ground against him, then leaned down to kiss him anew, first attacking his throat and then his lips. Angel let himself get carried away for a second. She felt so good on top of him. Her skin was so warm and she smelled intoxicating.

Buffy sat up to catch her breath. She took his hands and placed them on her breasts. Then she started to unbutton his shirt. As soon as she had let go of his hands, Angel quickly grabbed her hips and lifted her off him, depositing her roughly on the floor. He quickly got up and put some distance between them.

Buffy looked at him miserably. She sat up and put her arms around her knees, hugging herself. She looked like she was about to cry.

Angel's first instinct was to go to her and comfort her, but he knew that wouldn't be helpful at all under these circumstances. Not knowing what else to do he sank down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. "Oh, Buffy…"

That was the moment Buffy had waited for, one moment of carelessness from Angel. Buffy jumped up, closed her coat and dashed for the door.

"Giles, stop her!" Angel yelled.

Giles, who had been waiting just outside the door, managed to grab Buffy, but she quickly freed herself and had Giles in a headlock in a matter of seconds.

"Buffy, you don't want to hurt Giles," Angel said insistently.

"I don't. But I will if you don't let me go. I need to find Xander."

For a moment Angel was too shocked by the implications of her revelation to say anything. It had all been an act. The seduction had just been a diversion to catch him off guard. Buffy had been willing to do anything to get to Xander. But Angel didn't have time to be hurt by her deceit.

While Buffy was focused on Angel, Giles jabbed his elbow into her ribs. Buffy let go of Giles for only a second but it was enough for Angel to pull her away from Giles and tackle her to the ground.

"Find Amy and tell her she has to reverse the spell!" Angel said to Giles. "Find Xander if possible, he might be more willing to tell you what kind of spell they did."

Angel dragged Buffy up and back into Giles' apartment. But Buffy didn't go quietly. The more time went by the harder Buffy fought.

"Stop fighting!" Angel said.

"You can't keep me here!"

Buffy attacked him again. She fought him as if he were Angelus. Every punch was full of hatred and perfectly aimed to cause damage. Angel came to the decision that he couldn't hold back any longer. He had to protect her from herself, even if that meant hurting her. She left him no other choice.

They fought as if it was a fight to the death. Angel tried to position himself between Buffy and the door whenever he could. When Buffy took one of Giles' weapons, Angel had no choice but to arm himself as well. The longer they were fighting the more aggressive she got. When he finally had an opportunity to strike and knock her out, he couldn't do it. He couldn't take the risk of harming her permanently. So he resigned himself to keep Buffy occupied until Giles would break the spell. Angel desperately hoped Giles would hurry, not just for his and Buffy's sake, but also for the sake of Giles' apartment. It looked more and more like a tornado had caused havoc inside it. Books were lying all over the floor, a painting had come off the wall, a whole tea set was broken beyond repair, a lamp had met the same fate and the weapons chest was now easily identifiable as such since it now displayed weapon marks on the outside.

Buffy threw Angel against a bookshelf. He just barely prevented it from falling over, but most of the books landed on the floor. Buffy used his state of distraction to knock his legs out from under him. She made a dash for the door, but Angel managed to grab her leg. Buffy crashed to the floor as well. While Angel was lying on the floor, something caught his attention. A box had sprung open, revealing a vial of liquid and a syringe. Angel concluded that the liquid could only be one thing and he was out of options. He made a quick decision. By her legs he dragged Buffy towards him, pulled her arms behind her back and put his full weight on her body, immobilizing her. He grabbed the box and prepared the syringe. Then he injected the liquid into Buffy's arm, whispering more to himself, "I'm sorry, Buffy, so sorry."

Angel wasn't sure how much he should give her or how quickly it would work. But even after several minutes Buffy didn't stop struggling and her strength didn't lessen. Angel had no idea how long it might take Giles to reverse the spell. It could still be hours. So Angel gave her a second dosage. After that, Buffy's strength finally seemed to lessen. Angel waited another ten minutes until he dared to get off Buffy.

As soon as the weight was off her body Buffy rolled onto her back so that she faced Angel. But she didn't get up. "What did you do to me?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. You left me no choice."

Buffy got up, feeling weak and tired suddenly. "What did you give me?" she yelled again. Without waiting for an answer she attacked him again.

But this time Angel hardly felt the punch at all. He easily grabbed her hands, pushed her towards the sofa and made her sit down. "Stay there. Or I'll have to tie you up."

Buffy looked at him confused, not knowing what to do. "What do you want from me? Why are you keeping me here?"

"It's for your own good." By now Angel knew that trying to explain or arguing with her would do no good.

"You can't keep me here forever. I need to find Xander." When Buffy didn't get a response from him, she went on, "I could never love you. I love Xander. Xander is the only one for me."

Angel knew she didn't mean it. She wasn't herself. But despite knowing that, hearing her say those words was still painful.

"I never loved you. Xander is so much more caring and understanding than you."

"You better stop talking," Angel said through his teeth. "You might regret it later."

"Regret what? Saying the truth? What you gonna do to me? Hit me now that I am helpless?"

"I'd never hurt you."

"Yeah, right," Buffy snorted. "Shall I give you a list of all the times you hurt me? Xander has never disappointed me. He has always been there for me."

"Be quiet!" Angel yelled. He immediately reprimanded himself. He shouldn't let her provoke him.

"Or you'll do what?" Buffy goaded him.

Angel turned his back to her, trying to ignore her.

"Or you'll do what?" Buffy yelled. "You kidnap me. You keep me from Xander. And now you want to keep me quiet as well?"

"Yes," Angel said threateningly. "And you really don't want to push me."

Buffy crossed her arms and pouted, but didn't say another word.

Angel scrutinized her for a while, not trusting the silence and waiting for another outburst. But when that didn't come, he finally sat down in a chair opposite Buffy. She watched him carefully and when she was sure that she had his attention, she smiled at him. But it wasn't a nice smile. There was mischief in her eyes and eventually the smile turned conspicuously evil. Slowly, Buffy lifted her hand and let it slide seductively over her throat before she closed her fingers around the necklace Angel had given her and pulled. With all the strength she could muster she threw the necklace against the wall. Angel could hear the distinctive sound of metal hitting the floor. Buffy gave him a self-satisfied smile.

Angel didn't move a muscle. She was doing this on purpose, trying to provoke him. And even though he didn't show it, it was working. Angel really wanted to hurt somebody. Xander came to mind. But those daydreams would have to wait. He needed to focus.

Suddenly, Buffy made another run for the door. Of course this time she didn't stand the slightest chance.

"That's it. You asked for it." Angel grabbed her, tore the phone cable from the wall and tied her to a chair with it. "And you better keep your mouth shut or I will gag you as well."

In order to focus on something else, he started cleaning up Giles' apartment. He arranged the knocked over furniture, put the books back on the shelves and gathered up the broken fragments. At least none of the books were badly damaged. He also put the box with the cruciamentum drug away. He hoped Giles wouldn't notice that some of the liquid was missing.

Buffy was mostly quiet while he cleaned the apartment. Once in a while she made a hurtful comment. But Angel ignored her, believing that she couldn't help herself while under the spell. It wasn't bad enough to actually gag her. Having to drug her and tie her up had been bad enough for Angel. As long as it didn't get much worse, he would rather deal with her infrequent insults.

Also, he remembered saying the most hurtful things to Buffy when he had been Angelus. Among other things, he had basically told her that she had been nothing more than a prostitute to him. And here Angel was looking at his drugged and bewitched girlfriend, crying out for someone else than him. He told himself over and over again that she didn't mean it, that she wasn't herself, that she was not in love with Xander but with him. Suddenly, Angel remembered the scene at the Bronze when Xander had been dumped by Cordelia. For the first time he felt something akin to sympathy with Xander. No matter how incompatible Cordelia and Xander were, Xander had been rejected by the woman he loved – well, maybe 'love' wasn't quite the right word, the 'woman of his choice' was probably more accurate. But nevertheless, Xander had been dumped and very publicly on top of that.

When there was nothing more to clean up, Angel sat down again and simply resigned himself to waiting, watching Buffy closely. She didn't shirk from his look but returned it defiantly. At some point, Angel noticed that Buffy's look slowly changed from insolent to confused. Buffy tried to stand up but only then did she remember that she was tied to a chair and why.

"Oh God…what have I done?" Her face showed nothing but horror now. Buffy pulled at her ties, but they wouldn't budge. "What's wrong with me?" she asked, sounding scared. "What did you do to me?"

Had Giles broken the spell? Was she back to her normal self? "I had to sedate you. That was the only way. I didn't want to hurt you."

"The spell is broken. You can untie me now."

"Sorry, I can't," Angel said regretfully. It could be just another trick to escape. "We'll wait until Giles gets back here."

Buffy nodded and lowered her head, not being able to look at him. He was right. He had no reason to trust her after what she had done. There was nothing else to do but wait for Giles to confirm that the spell was broken. They were silent for a long while.

"I…" Buffy started.

"Please, don't." Angel couldn't even look at her.

He was right, Buffy thought, there were no words to apologize for what she had done.

"Let's just wait for Giles." Angel had no way of knowing if what she said would be the truth or a lie. So he'd rather she didn't say anything at all.

Nobody said another word until Giles arrived back at his apartment. Jenny was with him as well. When Angel heard them coming up the stairs, Angel stood up and greeted them at the door. "Is everything back to normal again?"

"Yes, I believe so," Giles said. "I could convince Amy to undo the spell."

"Good." Angel went over to the chair and untied Buffy. She quickly stood up and retied her coat tightly.

"Are you two okay?" Giles asked, looking alternatively at Angel and Buffy. He had also noticed the state of his apartment.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Angel said. "Sorry for the mess. I am afraid some things are beyond repair."

Buffy was just standing there, her eyes directed at the floor.

"Um… well, as long as nobody got hurt." Giles went over to a pile of broken fragments that used to be a glass lamp and inspected them. The lamp was indeed beyond repair. Giles sighed. He reminded himself that everything could have ended much worse. He was just glad that he had Jenny back and that Buffy was unhurt.

"I can't believe I behaved like this," Jenny said, sitting down on the couch. "I am so sorry, Rupert."

"It wasn't your fault," Giles said gently. Not so gently, he added, "It was Xander's fault. I can't believe he would do something like that. He should know better after everything he has seen by now. Such a stupid…" he trailed off, catching himself before he would curse.

"Don't be too harsh with him, Rupert. He did it because he wanted Cordelia back, because he loves her."

"That's not what Amy told me. She said he wanted revenge because she dumped him."

"That's not what it looked like to me when… well… when I was able to think clearly again."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Cordelia was with Xander when we… um… chased them. And after we had managed to send everybody home again, Xander and Cordelia left as well, arm in arm."

"Great, now he will never learn from his mistake, because everything worked out fine for him in the end."

"I don't think he will do it again, Rupert. He was very sorry about what he did."

Giles snorted.

Having heard enough, Buffy headed for the door. "I'll see you at school."

"Let me bring you home," Angel said. Buffy was still affected by the cruciamentum and Angel didn't want her to go home alone.

Buffy didn't say anything. She just slowly made her way home and Angel followed her.

* * *

When they arrived at Buffy's house, they stopped and stood there in awkward silence.

"Um… do you want to… come in?" Buffy asked hesitantly.

"I think your mom is home."

The light was on inside. "Oh, yeah, looks like it. You could come through the window," Buffy suggested.

"I… I have something to do."

"Oh."

"And you might want to change."

"Yeah."

"Buffy, it wasn't your fault."

"I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault," Angel repeated. He gently stroked her cheek and placed a tender kiss on her lips. Then he disappeared into the night.

* * *

Buffy had a hard time falling asleep. She couldn't get what had happened out of her head, especially not what she had said to Angel. She simply felt terrible. She wished she could do this day over again, but she had already gotten that chance and had messed up completely. Exhaustion finally got the better of her and she fell into a restless sleep.

When Buffy woke up some time later, she was crying. She grabbed for her necklace. It wasn't there. But she knew exactly why there was no necklace around her neck. The pain from what she had done was still too fresh to be confused with a nightmare. It was her own fault that it wasn't where it should be. She turned on the light and saw the necklace lying right next to the lamp on her bedside table. Angel must have put it there. Finding the necklace was a comfort to Buffy, but at the same time it made her feel even worse about what she had done. While Angel must have gone to quite some trouble to repair and return the necklace she had thrown away, Buffy had wallowed in self-pity. She started crying even harder and buried her face in her pillow so that her mother wouldn't hear her. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it," Buffy sobbed.

Angel was watching the whole scene from the window. He'd been watching her sleep ever since he had placed the necklace on her bedside table. He had found the necklace while cleaning up Giles' apartment and had taken it home to fix the chain. He went over to her bed and gently touched her shoulder. "Don't cry."

Buffy jerked around and stared at him as if she was seeing a ghost. "Angel."

"There's no reason for you to cry."

Buffy quickly rubbed the tears from her eyes, embarrassed that he had caught her losing it like this.

"That wasn't you," Angel said gently. "It was the spell."

"But I was so mean to you."

"You weren't yourself. It's just like when I was Angelus."

"But I said things to you…"

"I know. But when I said things to you when I was Angelus, they hurt you as well."

"Yes, but that wasn't you."

"Exactly. And you forgave me. Forgive yourself."

"I didn't lose my soul. I was just under a spell. I should have been able to-"

"No, don't even start thinking like that. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing."

"But the way I behaved… That was… oh God, I tried to seduce you…"

"Nothing happened."

"But just the fact that I put you through that… when we can't…"

"Buffy, stop it. It happened and it's over."

"You are really not angry with me?"

"No, I am not. There's no reason. I am very angry with Xander though."

"You should be."

"He really is the most immature-"

"No, I meant you should be angry with me."

"Buffy…" Angel groaned.

"No, not because of that. I mean, I'd understand, if you were angry with me. But I meant… there's something else."

"Did something happen before I found you with Xander?" Angel asked cautiously.

"No. At least not this time."

Angel's face fell.

"Nothing happened," Buffy said quickly. "But I… I wasn't totally honest with you. I mean, I didn't really lie, but I didn't exactly tell you everything that happened."

"I know," Angel said calmly, trying to ignore the bad feeling he had.

"It wasn't really relevant and… well, I was sure that it wouldn't happen again, that I could stop Xander from doing the spell… and…"

"Buffy, what happened last time? What didn't you tell me?"

"Well, before I was turned into a rat, right before that happened, I was alone in the library with Xander and… I was wearing the same thing, just the coat and I tried to… do what I did to you at Giles' apartment."

"He saw you naked?" Angel erupted.

"No! I said I tried to. But Xander was a complete gentleman, just like he was tonight. He stopped me. Nothing happened."

"That's it?"

"Yes, that's it. I am sorry that I didn't tell you. I should have."

"Buffy, you can tell me anything."

"I know." Buffy decided that she would never lie to him again. There was only one thing she would never reveal voluntarily. She wouldn't lie about it, should Angel ask. But she would never tell him about the thing with Spike. It was over and done with. In her mind it was as if it had never happened. She was afraid that it was the only thing that could still make Angel leave her. And she couldn't go on without him, not again.

"I also have something to confess," Angel said appropriately remorseful. "I followed you to the Bronze."

"You saw us?"

"Yes, I saw you dancing with Xander."

Buffy looked slightly panicked. "It didn't mean anything. I swear. I just tried-"

"I know. It's okay. I just wanted you to know. And I should have trusted you. I mean, I did. I know you've been perfectly able to manage on your own the last few years. I was just worried about you. I just got you back."

That made Buffy smile. "No big deal. Besides, I am still in that phase where I really don't mind your over-protectiveness." It was something familiar for Buffy, it reminded her of the time when their relationship had still been more or less intact. "And I guess I would be worried, if you didn't do that anymore."

"You better get some sleep now," Angel said. He couldn't stay. Her mother could find them. And he needed some distance from her. The memory of her warm body pressed to his was still too fresh, too tempting and almost too hard to resist. Even hours later the memory was still so vivd that it had an addicting element to it. It was like a craving he had been able to taste but not been able to satisfy.

Angel was about to get up when Buffy grabbed his hand more tightly. "I wish-"

He put a finger to her lips. "I know."

Buffy wished so much that he could stay with her tonight. Being separated from him was almost unbearable since they had come back. She wanted more time with him to reaffirm their relationship. And especially after an incident like this she longed for the reassurance only his presence could give her.

"One step at a time," Angel said and gave her a reassuring smile. By coming back they had made a commitment to each other. And that commitment included that their relationship would grow and develop into something more than they had before. And that meant sleeping together in the same bed one day, maybe even moving in together. But that time hadn't come yet. There were still too many restrictions and obstacles and only time would solve them. "I really should go."

"I know."

"Here, let me help you with that." Angel took the necklace from Buffy's hand and helped her put it on. "Think you can sleep now?"

Buffy nodded.

"We'll make it. This time we'll make it." He kissed her ring, just like he had done on the first night they had been back. It was a promise.

TBC

* * *

_Please leave a review. Let me know how you liked the chapter. Was it too long? Would you like more (or less) reminders of what happened in the original episodes?_


	7. Passion

**Note:**

_I really had trouble coming up with something for this chapter. And each time I started working on it I ended up working on later chapters. I finally gave up and decided that not every chapter has to have 10,000 words and to write something short and get on with the story. But somehow that didn't work out either. So, here we are with another long chapter that took even longer to write._

_And thanks for the amazing amount of reviews for the last chapter. It's been a while since they were written, but I do go back to the reviews whenever I need some extra motivation. And this time I really needed it ;-)_

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Passion**

When Buffy woke up the next morning, she found a note, written in Angel's handwriting:

_I hope you slept well after everything that happened last night. Please, do me a favor and don't go on patrol tonight. And don't go out alone after dark either, at least not until the effects of the drug wear off completely. I mean it, Buffy! I gave you a lot and I can't apologize enough, but I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt, especially not when it's my fault. And don't worry about patrol. I'll take care of it, it's the least I can do. Please, just stay at home. I'll come by afterwards._

Buffy smiled. Typically Angel to still feel bad about something that had actually been her own fault. She grabbed a piece of paper and started writing.

After school, she went by Angel's apartment and slid the note underneath his door.

_I promise I'll behave and stay at home. It's the least I can do after how I behaved last night. Don't beat yourself up over what happened. It wasn't your fault. You had every right to do what you did. I don't blame you one bit and neither should you. It happened and we made it. Nobody got hurt and that's all that matters._

Yes, you got hurt, Angel thought, when he read the last sentence. In hindsight, maybe he shouldn't have been so squeamish about fighting with her. Buffy would have healed by now. Any bruises would have disappeared after a day or two. But by giving her the cruciamentum drug he had made her vulnerable for who knew how long. Now he had days of agony ahead of him, wondering if she was alright. Well, he would make sure that she was safe whenever he could.

* * *

"Hey," Angel's voice came from the window. "How are you?"

Buffy was frustrated. She hated being out of commission. She had waited all night for him to come over. "I'm bored," Buffy said.

Angel climbed through the window. "Done your homework yet?"

"Yep." She had indeed done her homework, since she had known he would come over. And she had actually remembered stuff from four years ago and it had saved her some time, which was only fair. After all she had to sit through her last two years of high school again. "But it's not fair that I have to do school all over again."

"Well, see it this way, you know all the exam answers already."

"As if I could remember all that."

"So, no homework. No appointment with Xander or Willow?"

Buffy waved with the note he had left her this morning. "I remember you scheduling an appointment first. First come, first served."

"Careful what you wish for."

"I can wish as much as I want and it still won't happen," Buffy said with a slightly sad, but accepting smile. She refused to let their relationship or their conversations be ruled by the fact that they couldn't sleep with each other. It was simply a fact they would have to live with.

Angel returned her smile, glad that they were at a point where they were able to tease each other about this, at least once in a while. "Your mom?"

"Downstairs doing paper work."

"Well, then you should use the quiet to rest and get your strength back."

"I think it would be more helpful, if I worked it out of my system. You know, get my circulatory system working."

"Buffy, I already went on patrol and it was rather quiet. I don't want you to go out after-"

"Relax, that's not what I had in mind."

"Oh… good," Angel said relieved, not wanting to get into an argument. "And what did you have in mind?"

"Well, it's just you and me and this really comfy bed," she said, patting the empty space next to her and batting her eye lashes seductively.

Angel smiled and sat down on her bed. "I see, some one on one action then?"

"Now you are getting the idea."

Angel didn't waste any more time. He leaned forward and kissed her. Buffy put her arms around his neck and drew him down on the bed with her. They made out on Buffy's bed for several minutes, until Angel stopped her.

"Really, Buffy, how are you? How are you feeling?" Angel was worried about the high dosage he had given her. He had not the slightest idea how much was too much.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Weaker than usual."

"Any side effects? Are you okay otherwise? Do you feel sick?"

"Relax, Angel, I am fine, really. I feel fine."

"I really couldn't think of anything else at that moment, only that I didn't want to fight with you… hurt you…"

"Angel, stop it. If I hadn't lied to you, it probably wouldn't even have come to that point."

"You didn't know. We know a lot, but we can't predict this new future."

"It was reckless not to tell you right away."

"Buffy…"

"I seduced you -"

Angel put a finger to her lips to silence her. "Like you said in your letter, we made it. That's all that counts."

"I know how hard that was for you."

"Just because you are still as beautiful and desirable as ever."

Buffy actually blushed at that.

Angel gave her a reassuring smile. "But I'm managing, don't worry. I am here, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are." Buffy smiled at him happily. "But I want you to tell me when I do something that makes it harder for you… um… more difficult… I need you to tell me how far we can go. I don't want to torture you unnecessarily. I don't want you to suffer because you don't want to hurt my feelings by not telling me."

"Being with you is never torture," Angel said.

"I just want you to tell me when I can do something to make this easier for you. Or not do something."

Angel smiled at her, a little bit amused. "I will. But I want you to understand something."

Buffy nodded.

"There will be days when something you do will make it harder to resist. And there will be days when that same thing won't bother me at all," Angel said and amended quickly, "in a bad way. What I am trying to say is… it's not you, it depends a lot on the circumstances, on my mood." And on the things she was wearing, or the way she smelled. That didn't mean he wanted her to stop wearing those short skirts. It was torture at times, but a sweet torture and something he didn't want to miss. He liked seeing her in those outfits. But on those days, when she wore those especially sexy outfits or smelled that little bit more tempting, be it her shampoo or her natural scent, any additional sexy actions were just that much harder to deal with. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, it's not me, just your hormones." Buffy laughed, realizing what she had said. "Can vampires be influenced by hormones?"

"Not by mine, but by yours."

"Oh." Buffy blushed. She hadn't considered that.

"And even though my circulatory system isn't what it used to be my eyes work very well, better than before. And you usually look very…"

"Yummy?" Buffy asked with a teasing smile.

"Yummy?" Angel asked confused.

"Yes, delicious, yummy."

"You know that you are talking to a vampire?" Angel pointed out.

"Sure. But what are you trying to say, that I am not yummy from a vampire point of view?" Buffy asked pouting.

"No, you are very… yummy," he tested the word. Then he shook his head. "No, I feel really ridiculous using that word."

"I am open to suggestions," Buffy said, fishing for compliments.

"I could live with 'delicious'. But, as I was saying, delicious implies… well…"

"You are not gonna get vampire-mopey on me again, are you?"

"Vampire-mopey? Buffy, can we talk English?"

"Sure, it's the only language I know anyway."

"Have you ever heard of the saying 'A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes unnecessary'?"

Buffy thought for a moment. "Nope, never heard of it."

Angel gave her a meaningful look.

"What?"

"Did you listen to what I said?"

"Yeah, something about a kiss and words… and speech… It's really too late for a pop quiz," Buffy complained.

Angel shook his head amused. "Buffy, that wasn't a quiz, that was a hint."

"Hint?" Buffy tried to recall what Angel had said. And although she couldn't manage to remember it word for word, she finally got the message. "Oh, you mean…?" She grinned and leaned towards him. "Great saying." And then she finally stopped talking and kissed him.

Angel returned the kiss eagerly. He was craving her more than usually tonight. Not as bad as the night before. Then it had been a dangerous situation, too tempting, too out of control. He had been too aroused and shaken from what had happened at Giles' apartment. Since last night he'd had time to control that urge. He had meditated. But a remnant of his longing for her was still there. And he could deal with it. He probably would have been able to deal with it last night, if he'd had to. If Buffy had asked him to stay, he would have stayed. But like Buffy he had adopted the mantra of better safe than sorry. And he hadn't had her this close for years. After such a long absence of her presence, he still wasn't quite sure how far he could trust himself. He was pretty sure that he would never let it go too far, so far that it would endanger her life; and that was what turning into Angelus would equal. But when it came to Buffy's life there was no being too careful in his opinion. But for the moment, he felt confident that it wouldn't go too far. Angel drew her closer.

Buffy winced. Angel let go of her immediately. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really." Buffy rubbed her hip gently.

"Buffy!"

"It's just a bruise."

Angel recalled the last night. When had she hurt her hip? With shock he realized that it had been his doing. He had hurt her there, either during their fight or when he had grabbed her forcefully to get her off him.

Buffy saw how his eyes were fixed on her hip. And it was with this guilt-filled look she knew only too well. Gently, she touched his face, guiding his eyes back to her face. "They'll disappear as soon as the effect of the drug wears off."

Great, Angel thought, another reminder of how he had caused her harm the night before.

"But maybe we should restrain ourselves tonight," Buffy said hesitantly.

"Why? Are you not feeling well after all?" Angel asked concerned.

"No, I am fine. It's just… well… I…"

"What is it? You can tell me."

"Because tonight, I wouldn't be able to stop you."

"What? You think I would…?" Angel started aghast.

"I didn't mean… I just… I meant… just in case…"

"Buffy, I can control myself," Angel said offended. "And I would never do anything you didn't want."

"It's not that I wouldn't want it. I just meant that with the two of us in full strength, there's a better chance of nothing happening, of one stopping the other. That's all. I might not be able to stop myself." Buffy was pretty sure it wouldn't go too far. But since their actions had far-reaching consequences, consequences that would have an impact on other people's lives, she felt obliged to at least address the matter.

Angel contemplated that for a moment. Then he looked at her. "Buffy, before we made love, how long were we a couple?"

"Officially? I'm not quite sure, that would be hard to-"

"Forget it. It doesn't matter. My point is that we'd been together for a long time before we actually slept with each other. You don't seriously think I didn't want you before that, do you?"

"Well, I was so… innocent… and naïve…"

"Buffy, that was a huge turn-on. I envisioned…," he paused. Should he really tell her? Yes, he needed her to understand that he had a lot more practice with controlling his desire for her than she gave him credit for. "I imagined you and me from the day I met you. And the closer we got… after I first kissed you I don't think there was a day… or a night when I didn't imagine us together in one way or another." He looked at her, watching her intently, hoping he didn't make her feel too uncomfortable by his confession.

"Oh."

Buffy seemed to take it very calmly in fact. Angel sometimes forgot that she was actually four years older than she looked. Or maybe it was because he had missed out on those four years of her life. She had matured in that time. Angel lay back and pulled Buffy into his arms. "But if you want to take it easy for a while, I understand." She probably felt vulnerable without her powers. He would never do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable.

"No, I don't." Buffy pushed herself up on one elbow so she could look him directly in the eyes. "I don't want to take it easy. And I trust you. Completely."

Those words meant the world to Angel. He gently placed his hand behind her neck and pulled her towards him. Buffy gave him complete control of the situation. And Angel had to admit that her weakened state was a turn-on for him. Usually, she was his equal in strength. But today, he theoretically could do whatever he wanted and Buffy would be powerless to stop him. He'd never take advantage of the situation, but just the thought of it made the situation so much more exciting. Angel kissed her hungrily.

But Buffy was aware that he kept himself in check. He was extra careful, too careful for her taste. When Angel turned his attention towards her neck, giving her an opportunity to breathe, Buffy said, "I am not that breakable, Angel."

Without interrupting what he was doing, Angel slid his hand down to her waist and then further until he reached her hip, stroking it gently without exerting pressure. It was enough to remind Buffy of the bruises.

The gesture tugged at Buffy's heart. He wasn't overly cautious because of her weakened state. He was just being mindful. She had already forgotten about her injuries, but not Angel. He always thought of her well-being first. Buffy felt completely safe in his arms. She hadn't felt this safe and protected for years, four years to be exactly.

* * *

The next few days, Angel took over patrol for Buffy. Even after she assured him that she had regained her full strength – she had even proved it by throwing him to the floor with ease – he insisted that she stayed home for a few more days, just in case she might have a relapse.

Buffy started to enjoy those days quickly. Angel came over every day after patrol to give her a report of what was happening on the streets and to make sure she was really staying put. They usually got cozy on her bed for that and Buffy simply enjoyed the quiet time with him. It was something they had hardly had time for since they had come back.

But a few days after Angel allowed her to go back on patrol, everything changed.

* * *

Buffy had been aware that _the_ day was slowly creeping up on them. But she had consciously avoided bringing it up. She told herself that it wouldn't be necessary, since this time the day would be like any other day. But even she couldn't help feeling uneasy as that fateful day, the day of Jenny Calendar's death, came closer.

Even if the date hadn't been brunt into her memory, Angel's behavior was indicator enough. It had started about a week before the actual day. He had become even more quiet, almost withdrawn. His thoughts were often somewhere else than with her when they were together. She tried to act normal, as if she didn't have a care in the world, as if the day didn't bother her one bit. She tried to exude as much positivity as possible, hoping to infect Angel with it. But the closer the day got, the worse Angel's mood got.

And then Angel begged off patrol. Ever since having been out of commission due to Angel drugging her, they had always gone on patrol together. Buffy hadn't asked why he suddenly didn't want to come along; she had a pretty good idea why. She just let him be. She was just glad that he hadn't just disappeared without a word. But when he didn't show up at all the next night, she started to worry but decided to give him some space. The next night, he didn't put in an appearance either. And when Buffy went by his apartment it was empty.

* * *

The next day, Buffy had a hard time concentrating on her classes. She was worried about Angel and couldn't wait until school was out to check on him. She didn't wait until the sun set. She wanted to make sure that she wouldn't miss him.

Buffy didn't even knock but went straight into Angel's apartment. He should have still been asleep. But Buffy wasn't really surprised when she saw Angel lying on his bed, on top of the covers, his arms under his head. He looked at her, not surprised at all by her being here at this time of the day. He looked at her calmly, but Buffy could see the pain in his eyes. She couldn't help but pity him.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked, putting her bag on the floor and hanging her coat over a chair. Then she went over to his bed and sat down next to him.

"Couldn't fall asleep," Angel said. The truth was he didn't really try. He didn't want to sleep. He was afraid of what he would see once he closed his eyes. He'd been having nightmares for days now, worse than usual.

Buffy simply looked at him for a while, but didn't say anything. Angel just stared at the ceiling. Then he took one of Buffy's hands and brushed his thump over her skin. He didn't want to talk. But he was glad that she was here and he didn't want her to feel excluded or unwelcome.

"This will be different," Buffy said finally. "Two more days and everything will change permanently, for good."

"I know. I'll just feel a lot better once that day is over, once that night is over and the sun goes up and she is still alive."

"It will happen. You'll see."

Angel just squeezed her hand in response.

Buffy watched him. He looked tired, almost lifeless. "You should try to get some sleep."

"Every time I close my eyes… I see them."

"Them?"

"My victims. And her."

Buffy didn't need to ask who 'her' was.

"Don't think about what happened back then. Think about all the people that are still alive."

"I try, I do try. But it's so hard. It happened and I see their faces… see how they died… see how I killed them."

"How _Angelus_ killed them."

Angel looked pitifully at her. "I know what you are trying to tell me, Buffy, but it is the same point of view, the same perspective. The only way I remember is what he saw."

Buffy wanted so badly to help him, but she didn't know how. She'd hardly ever felt so helpless in her life. This was something she couldn't defeat by punching or staking. "What can I do? I so badly want to help you… but I don't know how."

"I'll be alright in a couple of days."

"You sure?"

"Don't worry," Angel tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Don't you have to get home for dinner?"

Was he trying to get rid of her? But Angel was right, she had to get home or her mother might ask questions she wasn't prepared to answer yet. "Yeah, I should go," Buffy said reluctantly.

"Will you be alright going on patrol alone again tonight?"

"Sure." Buffy took her bag and jacket and made her way to the door. She turned around again. "Just don't… do anything stupid, okay?"

"Why would I do anything stupid?"

Buffy looked at him with a worried expression. "You have to admit you are rather… depressed. And not just since today," she said carefully.

Angel was about to object, but then he admitted to himself that his behavior definitely supported her assumption. "I'll be fine. Don't worry."

Buffy gave him a final smile and left. She would be so glad when that day had come and gone again.

* * *

The next day, she visited him again right after school. Again, she didn't bother to knock. Buffy found him in exactly the same position as she had left him the day before. She wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't moved at all.

"Hey, what have you been up to?" she asked, trying to sound cheerful.

"Reading." Angel motioned to the book that was lying on the floor. He had tried to read but hadn't been able to concentrate on the words.

Buffy sat down on the bed and watched him. He looked drawn and weary. "When was the last time you slept?"

Angel just shrugged his shoulders.

"When was the last time you slept?" Buffy asked again.

"I don't need much sleep."

Buffy sighed. "I know." She wondered if sleeping pills would have any effect on vampires. "Are you going to join me on patrol tonight?" Buffy asked, pretty sure she knew the answer already.

"I'm sorry. It's got nothing to do with you. I just don't think that's a good idea at the moment."

"Not a good idea? Why not?" she asked confused.

"I think it's safer if I don't put myself in those situations right now."

"Situations?"

"Fighting… killing."

"Getting rid of vampires, the bad guys."

"It's still a bloody business, no matter who dies."

"Dusty business. Besides, it's just vampire blood."

"It's blood nonetheless. And…"

"What?"

"Sometimes…" He sighed, "Buffy, I can tell when a vamp has just fed on a human. I can smell the difference."

Suddenly, something occurred to Buffy. "When was the last time you ate something?"

"I am not hungry." Actually, just the thought of blood made him nauseous.

"When?" Buffy prodded.

"I don't remember," Angel admitted.

"Angel…"

"Buffy, please, let it be."

"Are you afraid you gonna lose control if you go on patrol with me?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"It's just… there's no need to risk it."

"Risk what? What do you think will happen? You gonna turn evil just because you see some blood? How long do you plan on staying holed up in your apartment?"

"Just until that day is over."

"Since when are you superstitious?"

"I am not superstitious."

"Then why? You are not gonna turn into Angelus tomorrow at midnight."

"Buffy…"

"I'm sorry. I just…" She was so frustrated that she couldn't help him. "Angel, have you considered that not getting any sleep is not really helping?" Buffy asked carefully.

"You are probably right."

"And not drinking anything can't be helpful either."

Angel turned his head away.

"Angel, if you are afraid of losing control, being thirsty for blood won't help matters."

"I can't."

"Sure you can." Buffy stood up and went over to the fridge. She poured a glass of blood and handed it to him. "I want you to drink this."

"I can control myself."

"I know that. But it seems you are the one who doesn't trust himself. You are just acting irrational because you are starving yourself."

"I am not starving myself. I just don't want to drink that."

"Angel…"

He took the glass out of Buffy's hand, stood up and put the glass back in the fridge. "Apropos eating, don't you have to get home for dinner?"

Buffy looked at him with a hurt expression.

"I am not trying to get rid of you. Really. But I am not exactly good company right now." He went over to the bed and sat down next to Buffy. "I don't want to drag you down with me."

"I don't mind." Buffy was pretty much at that same place anyway.

"There's no reason that we both sit around here and feel miserable."

"We said we are doing this together," Buffy pointed out.

"I know. And we are. But this…"

"Okay," Buffy gave in. If it was easier for him to suffer on his own, she didn't want to make it even harder on him. Obviously, Angel thought she was better off without him. Hey, what a novel idea, Buffy thought cynically. The truth was if she left now, she would only worry about him that much more. But if that was what he wanted. "At least try to get some sleep, okay?"

"I will."

"Promise?"

He took her hand and kissed her claddagh ring. "I'll try."

* * *

Just like Buffy had anticipated, she didn't sleep very well that night. She was too worried about Angel. She regretted having left him on his own. She simply should have stayed. Therefore, Buffy decided to go see him the next day even before school.

When she arrived at his apartment Angel was lying on his bed, looking even worse than the day before. He didn't even look up when she came in.

"Did you get some sleep?"

"Not much. I tried but…"

"Nightmares?"

He nodded.

"Want to tell me about them?"

"Not really."

Buffy tried very hard to not take his answer personally. "It might help."

"I… I can't… you've got enough to deal with already, and enough bad memories of your own."

"I thought we agreed to share those things, even the bad things, especially the bad things."

"Buffy…" Angel pleaded.

"Tell me," she insisted gently.

"I dream about the night… the night she died. I still remember every little detail. How she begged for her life. How she ran even though she must have known she stood no chance. How she smelled of fear. But the thing that… the thing that haunts me the most…" His voice left him.

"Tell me."

"The sound her neck made… when I… snapped it."

Buffy winced. A chill went through her body. But she had asked for it.

For a long time neither of them said anything. There simply wasn't anything to say. Angel had closed his eyes and seemed to be drifting off to sleep. Buffy just sat there and held his hand. She didn't dare move for fear of waking him again. Obviously, he was really tired to fall asleep on her like this. But she couldn't stay much longer. She had to get to school.

The quiet didn't last long though. Angel started to get restless in his sleep. Buffy tried to calm him down, whispering soothing words to him. But the nightmares get worse until Angel woke up with a scream.

"It's okay, it's okay. It was just a dream," Buffy said.

Angel looked at her, bewildered and disoriented.

"Everything's alright," Buffy said. "You had a nightmare."

Angel let himself fall back onto his pillow exhausted and rubbed his eyes. "How long was I asleep?"

"Not long. Maybe 15 minutes."

"It felt longer, like a never-ending nightmare."

"The same nightmare?"

Angel nodded.

"Is there really nothing I can do?"

Angel looked at her miserably. He was about to send her away again. But Buffy sure wouldn't like that. Besides, he didn't want to send her away. He wanted her to stay. And maybe he would be able to get some more sleep, when he knew she was there. "Stay."

"What?" Had she heard correctly? Had he really asked her to stay?

"Could you… stay?"

Buffy had to be at school. But Angel had obviously lost track of time. That was a first. And it alarmed Buffy even more. Angel would never ask her to skip school just to stay with him. He considered her education to be very important. But for Buffy it wasn't a difficult decision. She had never particularly liked school. And she hated it even more this time around. She already had her high school diploma. She hated being patronized by her teachers. Buffy wouldn't miss much if she skipped a whole day of school, but it could get her in trouble. She looked at Angel. It was a pitiful sight. Her mind was already made up. She would deal with any trouble later. This was more important. She thought back to that horrible Christmas, when he had tried to greet the sunlight. Buffy was seriously worried about his sanity if she left him on his own now. "Of course I'll stay. Whatever you want. But you have to do something for me too."

"Sure."

"You have to drink something."

"Buffy…"

"No arguments. You are lacking sleep and… um… nutrients…"

"I can't. Just the thought makes me sick."

"You are being irrational. Vampires can't get sick. I am sure you will feel much better afterwards." Buffy got Angel a glass of blood and handed it to him. He took it reluctantly and looked at it disgustedly.

"I hate seeing you like this, Angel. I want you to get better. Please, do it for me."

Buffy was right, it was all just in his head. He took the glass and downed the contents in one gulp. He could hear Buffy sigh with relief. And he actually did feel a difference almost immediately. He felt more alert. His brain wasn't as clouded anymore. But it also made him aware of how exhausted he really was.

Buffy took the glass out of his hand and put it aside. Then she pulled off her shoes and lay down next to Angel, pulling him down with her. Angel wrapped his arms around her, clinging to her.

"Try to sleep," Buffy said softly.

Despite feeling completely drained, Angel couldn't fall asleep. The downside of being able to think clearer again was that he was painfully aware of what day it was. "I killed so many people," he said after a while, "you must be wondering why…"

"Why what?"

"Why her death is so different."

"No, not really. You knew her well. She was a friend, a good friend."

"That's nothing new."

"Then what's the difference?" Buffy asked. She didn't want to upset him further, but he obviously wanted to talk about it, finally.

"She trusted me. You all trusted me… with your lives. You trusted the vampire in me not to hurt you. And that's what killed her."

"Angel…"

"And she tried to help me, tried to get my soul back. If she hadn't tried that, maybe she would still be alive."

"Angel, Jenny _is_ alive," Buffy said alarmed. How could he get so wrapped up in all this? She was getting more and more worried, if that was even possible. But she had to admit that she still had trouble as well once in a while. She touched her necklace, glad that Angel had given it to her. It had helped her through some rough nights.

"Do you still wake up disoriented?" Angel asked, having noticed the movement Buffy had made with her hand.

"Sometimes," Buffy admitted hesitantly. They had gotten less with time, but hadn't disappeared completely.

"I know that Jenny is still alive. But she did die. It wasn't a bad dream. It happened."

"But it won't happen again," Buffy said softly but resolutely. "You'll see. It will be alright. It will be a day like every other day."

Angel just nodded. He was starting to get drowsy again. Listening to Buffy's voice had a calming effect on him.

Buffy noticed how his body became heavier against hers, how the tension left his body. She kept talking to him in a whisper. "Everything will be fine. You can sleep now. I'll be here. There's nothing to worry about. Everything is alright. I'm here. And I love you."

Angel finally fell asleep. This time he seemed to sleep more peacefully. Buffy waited another hour to make sure he was really fast asleep. Then she carefully extracted herself from his embrace. She hated leaving him but she had to get to school. She could still make it to third period. Maybe she would get away with extra home work or detention. If she missed the whole day, her mother would certainly be informed. Worst case, she would be grounded and that was something she couldn't afford right now. Buffy cast a last glance at Angel. Then she hurried to school.

* * *

In the hallway, she ran straight into Giles. "Buffy, where have you been? We thought… we were worried. We thought something had happened to you," he said visibly upset. "Are you hurt? Did something happen on patrol last night?"

"Relax, Giles, I just overslept," Buffy said curtly. "I gotta go to class."

When she entered the class room, Willow flung herself at Buffy. "Oh, I am so glad you are alright. We were starting to assume the worst."

"I wasn't worried," Xander said. "I knew you'd be fine."

"Where were you?" Willow asked when she had let go of Buffy.

"At home, I overslept."

"Wow, you must have been really tired, if you overheard the phone," Xander said. "Giles called your house when you didn't show up for second period."

"Oh, yeah… I was really tired. Long graveyard shift."

* * *

Buffy might as well have stayed at Angel's place, since she couldn't concentrate on her classes anyway.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Willow whispered, when she saw that her friend was just staring at an empty piece of paper.

"Yeah, I'm just still tired."

* * *

Buffy did get detention, which definitely didn't raise her spirits. She only hoped that Angel was tired enough to sleep until she made it back to his apartment. Maybe he wouldn't even notice that she had been away.

When she finally did make it back to his place, Angel was already up and about. He looked a lot better than before.

Buffy smiled at him. "Hey, you feeling better?"

"Yes, much better. Thanks to you."

"I'm so glad," Buffy said and hugged him.

"But I think we should tell them, Buffy."

"Tell them what?" she asked apprehensively.

"Everything. I think they have a right to know."

"No, they don't! And it would ruin everything." Their relationship was complicated enough. Having the others looking at them suspiciously all the time would make everything only more difficult.

"They have to be aware that they are in danger, that I am a danger."

"No!"

"Buffy, I know you want your friends to like me, but I don't really care. I can handle it."

"It's not just about you, you know."

"At least we should tell them that there is a possibility that I could lose my soul."

"It will never happen again. We know now. And besides, you made me promise to kill you, remember? Two fail-saves."

"Buffy, please don't be like this."

"Like what? Overreacting? I think you are confusing me with someone else," Buffy said sarcastically.

"Buffy…"

"Jenny didn't want us to say anything."

"How do you figure that?"

"She said that nobody would have a reason to hate you. They still might, if they know what happened."

"Jenny took a lot of things into consideration, but assuming she didn't want us to tell anybody else is rather far-fetched."

"She did it for us. She wanted what's best for us. Telling the others would… this is supposed to be different… if they know, it will be as if it happened here as well. Angel, please…"

Angel thought about it for a while. He wasn't very keen on Xander's snide remarks either. And he was even less keen on telling Jenny that he had killed her in another timeline. "If we don't have to tell them, we should at least try to reconstruct the curse."

"What? Right after we came back you basically prohibited me from going anywhere near the curse in case you should become Angelus again."

"I just said you should kill me first. But if that doesn't work out, we should have the curse as a fail-safe."

"A _third_fail-safe," Buffy moaned. "This is getting ridiculous."

"This is not ridiculous!" Angel roared. "People died last time! Don't you ever forget that!"

His outburst took Buffy by surprise. She just looked at Angel in shock.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to yell at you."

"I know that people died," Buffy said calmly. "I was there, you know. I went to their funerals."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just… this day… today… it's getting to me."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. That was an understatement.

"Listen, I am thankful that you stayed with me earlier today. I am aware now that you skipped school because of me. I didn't realize before."

"No biggie."

"But maybe you should just leave me alone today. That way I can't hurt. I already lashed out at you once."

"Are you sure that's all this is about?"

"What do you mean?"

Buffy took a deep breath before she asked the next question. "Are you sure this is where you wanna be?"

Angel knew what she was asking. She was asking him if he really wanted to be here in Sunnydale, with her. He looked at her insistently. "Yes, Buffy, I am sure."

"Don't think that I am not worried about the curse, but I want us to deal with it, not be controlled by it. But if you think that you can't… that you can't find that inner peace here… with me… I won't force you to stay here."

"Buffy, I won't leave."

"Maybe you just want some time away, to clear your head, if it helps. I'd understand. It's okay." It took Buffy all her strength to get those words out. She didn't want to say them, but she felt she needed to offer, to allow him a way out, to show that she understood what he was still going through. Damn, being no-needy-Buffy was harder than she had thought. She was needy. But she tried to be strong, for Angel.

"I won't leave you alone with this," Angel said. "Yes, I do still carry a lot of guilt around with me. And I will continue to carry it around with me. Saying I don't would be a lie. And going away wouldn't solve that problem. But I also know that you feel guilty as well. I've never considered that before, at least not to the degree you admitted after we defeated the Judge. I had no idea, because I believe you have no reason to feel guilty for what happened. It wasn't your fault."

Buffy was about to say something, but Angel went on, "I know we've been over this several times by now. It seems talking alone is not doing the deed. Not for you and not for me. Maybe time will help, time being around the others, seeing them alive. I don't know how long it's gonna take and it probably won't be easy. But know this, I won't leave you."

Buffy couldn't help but sighed with relief. "Okay, so we deal with it," she said determined. "But if we want to reconstruct the curse – just in case – we'd need Jenny's help. We would have to tell her. We'd have to tell her the truth."

Angel nodded.

"I don't want that," Buffy whispered. "It's hard enough that we know. But Jenny… we'd have to tell her that she died. She doesn't need to know that." After a short pause, Buffy added, "And it would make everything so much more real."

Angel looked at her questioningly.

"Telling anybody else would make what happened more real," Buffy clarified.

"It is already real for us. And we could just tell her that I know about the curse and that we need the original, for further research or something."

"If we tell her, and only her, she'd have to keep it from Giles. We have to assume he still doesn't know about her gypsy heritage. I don't want her to have to lie to him because of us."

"Maybe she has told him by now."

"How about this," Buffy said, "we look for the curse on our own. Jenny found it last time, maybe we can find it as well."

Angel didn't look very confident.

"And if we don't find it," Buffy went on, "we can still ask her."

"Buffy, even if we can reconstruct the curse, do you think you could perform it on your own?"

Buffy knew she probably couldn't. And even more likely she wouldn't get the chance. Someone had to keep Angelus in check. She couldn't do both at the same time.

Angel sat down in the armchair. He put his head in his hands and contemplated everything for a minute. But no matter how he looked at it, he still felt they should reconstruct the curse, just in case.

Buffy kneeled down in front of him on the floor. "It will never happen again." Buffy took his hands, forcing him to look at her. "It will never happen again," she repeated. And she believed it sincerely. It wasn't just wishful thinking. She would never risk her friends' lives. And she wouldn't risk their second chance. She would do anything to have a future with Angel, no matter that this future excluded certain aspects of a normal relationship. It would still be so much more than what they'd had last time, which had basically been nothing but loneliness, pain and regret. "I love you. And I won't do anything that would take you away from me again."

Angel looked at her and seeing the conviction in her eyes, he said, "I love you too. And I would never do anything to hurt you. But-"

"But what? Isn't that reason enough?"

"It is, but-"

"No buts."

"I just want to make sure-"

"There are no guarantees, Angel, no matter what we do. There'll never be a 100% certainty. And I am not saying no to reconstructing the curse indefinitely. But please, let's not make any hasty decisions, especially not today."

Angel finally relented. "Okay, no hasty decisions. But think about it at least."

Buffy got up and sat down on his lap. "I will."

They held on to each and sat like that for quite a while. Then Angel said, "But, Buffy, I can't pretend it didn't happen."

"I am not asking you to."

"I'll probably be fine in a day or two. But until then… maybe it would be easier for you, if you -"

"No!" Buffy interrupted him, knowing what he was going to suggest again. "I won't leave you alone with this." It wouldn't be easier for her to leave. She would just worry about him even more. And he was more likely to fall back into his no-sleeping-and-no-eating pattern, if she left him on his own. "I know you won't stop brooding, probably never will. And that's okay, because that's who you are. And it's one of the reasons why I love you, because you care. Someone who doesn't care would have no need to brood."

"So I get an official brooding permission for today?"

"Not just for today. I don't mind your brooding. I like the dark, mysterious type." She just wasn't a fan of him being so taciturn at times.

"Dark and mysterious, huh?" Angel asked.

"Very mysterious. Very sexy." She let her hand roam over his chest and brought her face closer to his until their lips met in a sweet and gentle kiss.

Angel returned the kiss for a moment, enjoying her warmth and the softness of her lips. The kiss made him almost forget. But reality caught up with him rather quickly and he pulled away abruptly. "Sorry, I just can't. Not today."

Buffy had felt it at the same time, the feeling that this was wrong. "Yeah, I don't really feel like it either." She leaned her head against his chest. Angel wrapped his arms around her and simply held her. Neither said anything. They both stared into the distance, lost in their own thoughts.

* * *

In Giles' apartment, Jenny and Giles were having a romantic dinner. They were enjoying their food and a good wine. Giles was just refilling Jenny's glass.

"Thanks, Rupert. But this really has to be the last one. Tomorrow is a school day. And I am starting to get tipsy." She giggled.

"You are right." He gently stroked her reddened cheek and leaned down to place a quick kiss on her lips, before he corked up the bottle and sat down again. "We don't want anybody to get suspicious."

"Are you talking about the staff or Buffy and the others?"

"Both."

Jenny giggled again, "Rupert, the kids know already. They aren't blind. Actually, they are quite an attentive bunch."

"But we've been so discreet."

"Rupert, Xander saw us making out in the library the other day."

"What?"

"He came in and wanted to bring back a book. But when he saw us he left the book on the counter and fled."

"Oh dear."

"Rupert, what are you so upset about? They would have found out sooner or later anyway." She gave him a teasing smile, "Or are you ashamed of me?"

"No, heavens forbid, of course not."

"Rupert, I was joking."

"Oh, good. But… well… we shouldn't set a bad example."

"A bad example for whom? Xander and Cordelia?" She giggled again. "I hope we are not quite as obvious and unrestrained as them though."

"We really shouldn't have… and in the library… what was I thinking?" Giles said more to himself, deep in thought.

"Rupert."

"Anybody could have come in. That idiot of a principal could have walked in on us, or some other student or-"

"Rupert!"

"What? Sorry, what did you say?"

Amused, Jenny shook her head. "Nothing. Stop worrying, Rupert." She leaned over the table and took his hand. "Since I assume this is a permanent thing-"

"Of course it is!"

"- at some point the whole school will know. You better get used to that idea."

"I guess. And I certainly do like the idea, I mean, being with you," he kissed her hand, "permanently."

"Me too."

* * *

Buffy and Angel were still sitting in Angel's apartment, clinging to each other, neither having moved nor said anything.

"Is the brooding helping yet?" Buffy asked.

"No." Angel hadn't expected it to help.

"Then I think I have an idea what might make both of us feel better."

"I am open to suggestions."

"Let's find Jenny. I'd feel a lot better if I knew she's is alright. Besides, it's your other great skill besides brooding: stalking."

"I call it lurking, if you don't mind."

"Let's go lurk then." Buffy jumped up and pulled him along.

But Angel was reluctant. "I don't know, Buffy."

"Come on, it'll be alright. Nothing will happen."

* * *

Buffy had a pretty good idea where Jenny was that night. She had overheard her and Giles at school and knew they had a date at Giles' place. When they arrived at his apartment, Jenny and Giles had finished their dinner and had moved to the couch. Buffy and Angel looked in through the window.

"See, she is perfectly alright. And perfectly happy," Buffy whispered. "There's nothing to feel guilty about."

Jenny was snuggled against Giles. They seemed to be talking. Jenny giggled once in a while and Giles was stroking her leg. Buffy and Angel watched them for quite some time. After a while, Buffy turned her attention very discreetly from Giles and Jenny to Angel. Now and then Angel's face formed a small smile. That was more than Buffy had hoped for when she had brought him here. But then, slowly but steadily, Angel's face lost all happiness until it only showed grief and sorrow.

Buffy looked back into Giles' living room. The cozy scene from before had changed into something much more passionate. Neither Giles nor Jenny were in an upright position anymore. They were lying on the couch, engaged in a hot kissing session. When Giles started unbuttoning Jenny's blouse, Angel left his spot at the window and went to sit down on the stairs leading up to Giles' front door. When Jenny was about to pull Giles' shirt over his head, Buffy quickly averted her eyes, not keen on burdening her memory with such an image of her Watcher, and joined Angel on the steps.

"Well, they are definitely happy. But the PG-version was more than sufficient for me."

Angel was lost in thought.

"Hey, what's wrong? Aren't you happy for them?"

"Sure."

"But?"

"No but."

"Come on. That wasn't just you giving them privacy back there. You looked like you had seen a ghost."

"I am happy for them. I am glad Jenny and Giles can go on where they had left off. But we can't."

"Angel -"

Suddenly the door opened and Giles stood there, weapon raised, ready to attack. He was barefoot and wore his shirt inside out.

Angel reacted a split second faster than Buffy. He jumped up, pulling Buffy up with him while positioning her behind him at the same time. Buffy would have lost her balance on the narrow steps if Angel hadn't held on to her with a death grip.

"Buffy? Angel?" Giles asked confused. He lowered the weapon. "What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

Angel let go of Buffy.

Jenny came to the door as well. She was still busy closing the last buttons of her blouse. "Hey, you two. We thought we heard something outside."

"Buffy, what are you doing here?" Giles asked again.

Buffy stepped from behind Angel. "Um… we…"

"Do you want to come in?" Jenny asked.

"No, no, we don't want to come in," Buffy said vehemently.

"Then what are you doing on my doorstep?" Giles asked.

"We… um…" Buffy stuttered.

"You sure everything is okay?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, yes, everything is fine," Buffy said, not sounding very convincing.

"Buffy, did something happen?" Giles asked.

"No, nothing."

"You sure you don't want to come in?" Jenny asked.

"No," Buffy said quickly.

"Did something happen on patrol?" Giles asked.

"No, we… um… we just walked by here and… decided to just sit down and… talk for a while."

"On the steps of my apartment?" Giles asked skeptically.

"Well, yes, kind of a post mission evaluation."

"So something did happen on patrol? Did anyone get hurt? Were you hurt?"

"No, Giles, nobody got hurt. I was just trying to improve my fighting skills… and… um… asked Angel for some input."

"Exactly," Angel said, catching on, "and I asked Buffy to do the same for me."

"Right, and if you don't do it right afterwards, you tend to forget," Buffy said. "So we were close by and looking for a quiet place to… discuss these things."

"Oh, I see. A very good idea," Giles said. "If you want to discuss anything or if you think we should adjust your training-"

"I'll let you know, Giles. Thanks. Well, we'll be off then. Goodnight."

"Oh, okay. But, Buffy, I do appreciate your thoroughness, really, but don't forget to relax once in a while. And make sure you get enough sleep. That's just as important as training and post patrol evaluation. And school of course, that's very important too."

"Sure, Giles, don't worry. I will. I'm heading straight to bed. Have a good night. See you at school."

* * *

Giles looked after Angel and Buffy for a moment before he closed the door. Jenny sat down on the couch and chuckled.

"What?"

"We probably disturbed their post patrol make-out session," Jenny said.

"You think… but why would they do that right in front of my door?"

"You are right, that doesn't really make sense," Jenny said and got a serious look on her face.

"Well, I am glad she is taking patrol so serious," Giles said. "She sometimes tends to take these things too lightly. Actually, lately she has been very serious about patrol. About everything actually."

"Maybe there is something bothering her and seeing us like this made her feel uncomfortable. They probably thought they were disturbing us. You should try to talk to her at school tomorrow, Rupert."

"You think?"

"She's been through quite a lot lately. The Judge, Xander's spell, that fight with Angel."

"Maybe you should talk to her," Giles said. "Maybe she needs a woman to talk to."

"I don't think she wants to talk to me. She came here, to your apartment."

Giles wasn't really listening to Jenny. He was too absorbed in his own train of thought. "Some things she can't go to her mother with… oh dear…"

"Rupert?"

"What if… I mean... Angel was with her. If she really wanted to talk to me about something it must concern Angel as well. Oh dear… do you think they… you know… maybe that's why she was late for school."

"Because of what?"

"Because she stayed at Angel's place and… well… you know…" Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them.

"Rupert, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Maybe they just wanted to talk. Maybe they just have questions."

"Questions?"

"About what it would be like. She certainly can't go to her mother with that."

"Oh dear."

"Rupert, you are her Watcher. Where else should she go?"

"I don't know… but I… I…," Giles stuttered.

"If she really wants to talk to you about this, you have to stay calm. Otherwise you might scare her off. You have to make her feel at ease. Answer any questions she might have. You do know about vampire-human sex, right?"

"Of course, it's a big part of vampire lore, since it is closely intertwined with…," Giles started to turn pale. "Oh my God… feeding."

"Rupert, relax, you are assuming the worst again."

"But Angel would know about these things. He wouldn't need to ask me. He probably knows more about that than me anyway. Definitely more."

"Maybe Buffy wants a second opinion. And, well, she is the Slayer. That would make for a rather special case, wouldn't it?."

"Oh dear, the Council will fire me for sure, if they ever find out I didn't prohibit her from seeing Angel."

"Rupert!"

"Yes, you are right. I am overreacting." He took a deep breath. "Maybe you should talk to her."

"Rupert…"

"No, you are a woman. I'm sure she will feel more comfortable with you."

"Rupert, you are her Watcher and all I know about these things is the occasional accident I have heard or read about."

"Accidents?" Giles asked horrified. "Oh dear. Yes… vampires do get carried away and-"

"Rupert, Angel would never hurt Buffy."

"Maybe not on purpose, but-"

"He is a very old vampire. He can control himself."

Jenny's reassurance didn't really make Giles feel any better. He took off his glasses and started cleaning them all over again, unaware of doing it.

* * *

The next day at school, when the Scooby Gang entered the library during lunch break, Giles and Jenny were already waiting for them.

"We need to have a word with Buffy," Giles said. When the others just kept standing there, not making any move to leave, he added, "Why don't you catch a breath of fresh air? Go outside, do some stretching, enjoy the sun."

"What's going on?" Xander asked, being confused by Giles' strange behavior. "Is another apocalypse coming?"

"No, nothing like that. We just need to talk to Buffy alone," Jenny said.

The others looked at Buffy, who shrugged her shoulders, not sure what this was about either.

When the Scooby Gang had finally left, Giles pulled out a chair for Buffy. "Have a seat."

Buffy looked at Giles and then at Jenny. They seemed both rather tense. "Is this about me missing school? I'm sorry, Giles, it won't happen again. I do take school seriously. I was just so tired and didn't hear the alarm."

"Don't lie to me, Buffy! You were at Angel's place, weren't you?"

"How… how do you know?" Buffy asked taken aback.

"Oh, my God, so it is true?" Giles asked, having hoped until this moment that they were wrong.

"What is true?" Buffy asked cautiously. Had they somehow found out about Buffy and Angel's little trip back in time?

Giles was frantically cleaning his glasses.

"Rupert, relax," Jenny said. "Remember what we talked about last night. It's okay."

"What is okay?" Buffy asked confused.

Giles put on his glasses again and too a deep breath. "If you had sex with Angel."

"What?"

"It's okay. It's… um… understandable. You two have been together for quite a while now. And people your age… of course there's a curiosity… even though you are still very young… even though Angel is not… but… I mean…"

"You think I slept with Angel?"

"Well… um… didn't you?"

"It's really none of our business," Jenny said quickly. "But when you came to Giles' apartment last night we thought you maybe wanted to talk about that with us, about you and Angel."

"What gave you that idea?" Buffy asked surprised.

"Well, good question. I don't really remember how it came up," Jenny said. How had they come to that conclusion? "But we thought you wanted to talk about something and that our appearance didn't exactly make you feel welcome."

"Well, don't worry, that was not the case," Buffy said.

"Oh, okay then," Jenny said, feeling slightly silly.

Buffy got up from her chair. "Well, if that's all I'm gonna go and-"

"Why were you at Angel's place yesterday morning when you should have been at school?" Giles asked. "At a time when vampires usually sleep?"

Buffy sighed. Giles had that look on his face that meant he wouldn't let this go unless he got a reasonably plausible answer. So Buffy decided on a half-truth. "He wasn't feeling well."

"Oh… wait a second… Angel wasn't feeling well? He can't get sick."

"Nightmares, Giles, he had nightmares. And he asked me to stay. And I know I had school, but he's been there for me whenever I needed him." At least over the last few weeks, Buffy added silently. "And I couldn't just leave him like that."

"Oh, okay… I see."

"I am sure he was glad you stayed," Jenny said. She could well imagine that Angel suffered from nightmares, nightmares he had Angelus to thank for.

"Yes, that was very considerate of you," Giles said. "But don't let it become a habit, Buffy."

"It was an exception, Giles," Buffy said. At least, she hoped it was. "Was that all? Can I go now?"

"Um, sure. Unless you want to talk about anything else."

"Nope, can't think of anything," Buffy said quickly and was already on her way towards the door.

"Buffy," Jenny called after her, "you can always come and talk to us. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, sure," Buffy replied without turning around, wanting to get out of the library as quickly as possible.

* * *

Buffy's talk with Giles and Jenny had been awkward enough. But when she came home, the next talk was already waiting for her.

"Buffy, I got a call from school," her mother said with a stern voice when Buffy came through the door. "They said you skipped some classes yesterday."

"I was just late."

"Late? You missed two whole classes, Buffy. Everything was going so well. Are we starting all over again?"

"No, this was just… an exception…"

"An exception? Where were you?"

"I overslept."

"No, you didn't. I had to come back home because I had forgotten some documents. You were already gone. I want to know where you were right now!"

"I… I… had to help a friend."

"A friend? All your friends were at school. Or was Willow late as well?" Joyce asked sarcastically. Willow was never late for school.

Buffy was about to say something, but Joyce cut her off. "Don't lie to me, Buffy!"

No matter what Buffy would say, her mother would believe whatever she wanted to believe. "It won't happen again," Buffy said finally.

"That goes without saying," Joyce said. "And so does being grounded."

* * *

Buffy couldn't stay at home. She had to see Angel. She waited well until after her mother had gone to bed until she sneaked out of the house.

Luckily, Angel was at his apartment.

"Hey," Buffy greeted him, trying to gauge his mood. "How are you?"

"Better," Angel said. "But how are you?" he asked concerned. He was surprised to see her at so late an hour. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"No, just had to wait 'til mom was asleep. I am grounded."

"Grounded? What for?"

"Not important."

"You didn't have to come to check up on me."

Buffy smiled. "Well, I didn't come just because of that."

"Really, I am fine. And I think you were right."

"About what?"

"It won't happen again."

Buffy looked at him sadly. She understood. The scars of what had happened were too deep to ever forget, to ever get carried away. Two essential things were different from last time. Not only did they know that Angel would lose his soul if they slept with each other, they knew that people would die if they gave in to their desires.

"So we won't tell the others?" Buffy asked carefully.

"At least not for now."

"Okay." Buffy tried to hide how relieved she was.

"So, what's the other reason you came despite being grounded?" Angel asked.

"Oh, right. I thought about something."

"And what's that?"

"Well, we are trying to keep everything as close to last time as possible, right?"

"Yeah, it should give us an advantage."

"Exactly. But then there is something we need to do," Buffy said and grinned.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"I know."

* * *

They were standing in front of the old factory.

"You want to do it?" Angel asked and offered Buffy the flaming torch.

"I do, but I think you should do it. It'll make you feel better, believe me. I am speaking from experience."

Angel looked at her questioningly.

"Remember the reason mom and I moved to Sunnydale was because I burned down the school gym? And damn, it felt good."

"As tempting as the thought is to burn Spike and Dru, we can't lock them in there."

"I know. It might have unforeseen consequences. But just seeing it go up in flames…," Buffy was reminiscing. It had been a cleansing experience. And she hoped it would be for Angel too. The factory was a place where a lot of bad things had happened, where the Judge had risen, where Angelus had tortured Giles. Then something occurred to Buffy. "Do you think Spike and Dru will choose the mansion as their next hide-out? Because if they don't, if Angelus chose that location, burning down the factory would be rather pointless."

"It was a coincidence. When we fled from the flames we needed a place to stay before the sun came up again. There's a good chance they will end up there again. We have to wait and see."

"Well, then let's do this."

Angel set the factory on fire. Then they quickly backed away from the building until they were far enough away not to get noticed. It didn't take long until the first vamps noticed the smoke and flames and fled. Soon the whole factory was engulfed by the fire. The last ones to leave were Drusilla and Spike. Drusilla was carrying Spike and he was cursing and damning that stupid slayer.

Buffy and Angel stood there for a long time, watching the building being consumed by the fire in silence and holding hands.

TBC


	8. Killed by Death

**Note:**

_The support for this story is great. Thank you so much! I love reading your reviews. And I have to say there are some interesting thoughts (and wishes) out there concerning this story. And the pressure is certainly on…_

_I mentioned it before, but I will re-write every episode up to the end of season 3. That's what I challenged myself to do when I set out to write this story. After that though, I haven't quite decided yet what to do with the story. But that point is still quite a bit away._

_And some episodes will be closer to the original ones than others. And, of course, the further we go, the more potential is there for changes._

_What probably surprised me the most when I read the reviews was that there are some people who would be only too happy if Spike and Drusilla simply disappeared from this story. I am certainly not a Buffy/Spike fan, but I do find Spike and Drusilla hilarious at times._

_Well, but enough of this, let's get on with the story._

* * *

**Chapter 8 - Killed by Death**

Even a Slayer and a souled vampire couldn't prevent flu season. But this time when Buffy was brought into the hospital, Angel was carrying her. If it had been up to him, it would have never even come to this. She would have stayed at home and battled her flu with medication before it got too bad. Avoiding the hospital had been a very tempting thought for Buffy, but she had a job to do. And she only could do that job if she was sick enough to see the Kindestod. The whole scene had gone something like this:

"You are not going on patrol like this, Buffy."

"It needs to look real."

"It will look real. Your fever is already too high. You will not go on patrol."

"I'll be alright. I won't have to fight Angelus this time."

"Was that a compliment that is supposed to appeal to my ego and make me forget about your 103 degree temperature?"

"Since it didn't work, no."

"Buffy, last time a fly could have knocked you over."

The argument had ended – or rather been suspended – with Buffy stomping off into the night. Angel had simply followed her. He had considered physically restraining her, but after the incident with the cruciamentum he couldn't bring himself to take advantage of her weakness and overpower her. So he had resigned himself to staying at her side and keeping her out of harm's way until the inevitable would happen.

Angel had followed only a few steps behind her, which had been a good thing, as Buffy had lost her balance when she had tried to climb over a wall. Angel had seen it coming and had caught her easily, gently lowering her to the ground, but not letting go of her.

"Buffy this is ridiculous. Let's just get you to the hospital. There's no need to show up with broken bones as well. Your fever will do just nicely," he had chided her, starting to get angry with her stubborn behavior. He had expected to protect her from vampires, not from her own carelessness.

"I don't intend to break anything… wait a minute… how do you know about that?" Buffy had filled him in on everything that concerned the Kindestod, but she hadn't bothered with little details like her sprained wrist.

"I didn't mean anything by it," Angel had said quickly. But his attempt to avoid her look had told her that there was more to his remark.

"You… did Angelus…?" Buffy hadn't been able to finish her question as she had been seized by a dizzy spell.

"Buffy, let's discuss this another time. You are not up for-"

"No, tell me! He was in my room, wasn't he?"

"Yes." Xander's vigil in front of Buffy's room had been no serious obstacle for Angelus.

The revelation had shocked Buffy more than she would have expected. She had thought that the time when Angelus had been in her bedroom had been the only time when he had been able to get so close to her without her knowledge. "Why?"

Before Angel had had time to answer Buffy had sagged against him unconsciously.

* * *

When Angel put Buffy down on the gurney, he was glad that at least this part of their mission was over. It had been rather nerve-wrecking for Angel. It had been a balancing act between trying to protect Buffy and at the same time respecting her wishes on how to play this, and they hadn't exactly matched. But he wasn't exactly thrilled about what would come next either. The plan was to get rid of the Kindestod during the first night, when Buffy was still sick enough without deliberately drinking viruses to see the Kindestod.

But it didn't work out as planned. The doctors pumped Buffy full of sedatives. This time, she wasn't even struggling, but her fever was so high that she was rambling on about death and being on a mission to kill him, which prompted the doctors to take action.

Angel asked the nurse to call Buffy's mother, pretending he didn't have any change on him. Then he called Giles to let him know that Buffy was at the hospital. Both Joyce and Giles came to check on Buffy. But Buffy was fast asleep and they both left again after the doctor had assured them that she would be alright. Angel kept a low profile, only talking to Giles very shortly when he was able to catch him alone. He didn't mention the Kindestod at all. Buffy and Angel had agreed that they would save precious time if they didn't have to involve the others to do some research they didn't really need.

After Giles and Joyce had left , Angel sat at Buffy's bedside the whole night. He was afraid the Kindestod might attack her, too. When the nurses found him still in the room deep into the night and asked him to leave he simply refused to go. When they threatened to have him removed by security Angel left. But as soon as everything was clear again, he sneaked back in without being noticed.

* * *

Buffy struggled to wake up, but the drugs were too strong, at first. But she wouldn't have been the Slayer if she let a fever and some drugs keep her from her mission. She finally fought herself towards consciousness and tried to sit up.

"Buffy, you have to stay in bed. You are sick," Angel said and gently pushed her back down.

"Have to find him."

"Buffy, you can't fight him like this. You don't only have a fever, they sedated you."

"The kids."

"I'll keep an eye on them. And maybe I can see him."

"The kids…"

"Buffy, stay in bed. I'll go look for him."

* * *

Angel made a quick round through the hospital. When he passed by one of the children's rooms, he suddenly felt something strange. But when he looked through the window in the door, he couldn't see anybody else besides the sleeping children. He quietly opened the door and went inside. The feeling got stronger. Angel ventured further into the room and by now he was certain that there was somebody else in the room. He felt like he was directly being looked at. The longer Angel concentrated on the presence, the more he was able to pinpoint an exact location for what he assumed was the Kindestod. Angel could feel him move slowly towards the door. When he paused for just a second, Angel leapt towards the Kindestod. He made impact with something, but the Kindestod managed to elude Angel's grasp and then he was gone.

Angel went back to Buffy's room. She looked to be fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he simply sat down and took her hand.

"Got him?" Buffy asked sleepily without opening her eyes.

"Sorry, no, but I think I scared him away for tonight."

"See him?"

"No, but I could sense him."

Buffy was definitely not happy with his answer.

"Sleep. We'll catch him tomorrow. I'm sure he won't try again tonight."

"Hope so."

"Sleep."

"Check again later?"

"I will. Don't worry. Just sleep."

"'kay…"

* * *

Angel did one more round a few hours later and another one shortly before he had to leave. But he didn't encounter the Kindestod again. Every time when he came back to sit by Buffy's bed, she woke up long enough to ask him for a report.

After his last round early in the morning, instead of urging Buffy to go back to sleep Angel made sure she was awake enough to listen to him. "Buffy, I have to leave soon. I don't want you to do anything until I get back here tonight. You are not going to infect yourself again, not without me. I know I won't be able to stop you. I'm going to help you. My sole condition is that you don't do it alone. We'll do it together. But you have to promise me that you are not doing this on your own. Promise me."

"Promise," Buffy said sleepily, trying hard to stay awake.

"Say it," Angel insisted. In the condition Buffy was in he wanted to be sure that she understood what he was asking of her. "Buffy, I need to know you understand-"

Buffy took his hand, lifted it to her lips and placed a kiss on his claddagh ring. She looked at him dead tired, but with lucid eyes. "No going it alone."

"Thank you." He stood up and placed a kiss on her still too warm forehead. "Now get some more sleep. I'll be back as soon as the sun sets."

Angel made sure she was properly covered by the blankets. He desperately wanted to stay. The thought of this thing lurking around the hospital made him very uneasy. But the sun would start to rise very soon. He'd have to hurry. He had no choice.

* * *

After Angel had left, Buffy got some uninterrupted hours of sleep. And when Joyce came to see her daughter, Buffy was already feeling somewhat better. The drugs had worn off and her slaying powers had almost taken care of the fever.

"Buffy, how did you get to the hospital?" Joyce asked.

"Angel brought me," Buffy said, still a bit dazed, realizing too late what she had said.

"Angel? Your tutor?"

"Yes, um… we were studying."

"Studying? You had a fever and you went studying?" Joyce asked incredulously. Her daughter would never willingly go and study if she actually had a valid excuse not to.

"I couldn't reach him by phone to cancel. I didn't want him to wait for me or worry why I hadn't shown up."

"Oh. That was very… um… thoughtful of you, Buffy. But I think he would have understood, if you had told him later, don't you think?"

"Thinking wasn't exactly my strong point last night."

"Oh, sure." Joyce said, content with her answer. "So he brought you here and then simply left?"

"Well, he couldn't really do anything for me, could he? And he has classes today." For a moment Buffy considered if now would be a good moment to drop the boyfriend-girlfriend aspect of their relationship on her mother. Buffy reasoned that her illness might help her gain her mother's goodwill. But she decided against it, not really up for an argument of any kind at the moment.

"Did you know that Mr. Giles was here as well last night?"

"Um… I was pretty much out of it, mom."

"Oh, of course. But it was really nice of him to come by. Do you know how he found out you were here?"

"Well… um… Angel probably let him know since… um… Giles… and Angel…" Buffy stuttered, not really being lucid enough yet to think on her feet, "Giles actually recommended Angel to me as a tutor. So that's probably why."

"Oh, I see. Still, it was very nice of him to come. He seemed very concerned about you."

"Yeah, he's a very nice guy."

"Maybe it's a British thing. I mean, a librarian looking after his students, that is a bit strange. He's not even one of your regular teachers." Joyce assumed that her daughter didn't spend much time in the library.

"Um… yeah, maybe. And he is very British," Buffy said, hoping her mother would drop the topic.

"Well, anyway, did the doctors say when you can go home?"

"Um… I think I should stay a bit longer until I feel slightly better."

"Are you sure, Buffy? I know how much you hate hospitals."

"I am not a little kid anymore."

"Oh, okay then."

* * *

Xander, Cordelia, Willow, Oz, Giles and Jenny all visited Buffy after school to keep her company. Since Buffy couldn't do anything about the Kindestod until Angel came back, she was glad for the diversion.

When Angel arrived at the hospital shortly after sunset, he noticed Giles and Jenny standing at the far end of the corridor. They were talking in hushed voices. It actually looked a bit as if they were arguing. Angel strained to hear what they were saying. He was usually not the eavesdropping type. But ever since coming back, he felt responsible for Jenny's well-being. Besides, he told himself, it might concern Buffy and that concerned him. But they had already stopped talking and Jenny was leaving, hardly acknowledging Angel when she passed him.

Angel walked over to Giles, who looked rather unhappy. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes... yes…," Giles said absent-mindedly.

"Are you alright, Giles?" Angel asked.

"Um… what? Yes, I am alright. Thank you."

"You sure? Is this about Buffy? I am sure she will be alright."

"Um… yes, yes… I'm sure she'll be fine," Giles said, leaning against the wall.

"Giles?" Angel asked, getting concerned.

"It's nothing," Giles said. Then he laughed humorlessly. "That's an understatement. Jenny is pregnant. That hardly qualifies as nothing."

"What?"

Giles looked at Angel shocked. "Oh God, did I say that out loud?"

Angel nodded. "Yes, you did."

"Oh dear…"

Suddenly the scene Angel had just witnessed made a lot more sense. "You sent her home, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. She didn't like it though."

"You don't want her and the baby around all those germs."

"Yes." Giles looked at Angel amazed. "How do you…?"

"I saw your argument." Angel's face got a sad expression. "And it's what I would have done if Buffy…"

Giles was taken aback by Angel's statement. "You two really are serious, aren't you?"

"Yes, we are serious. I mean… we can't ever… but… yes, we are very serious."

"I see."

"I know you don't approve, Giles, but I love Buffy and would-"

"I never said I don't approve," Giles objected. "I admit that your relationship is highly unusual, especially for a Slayer. But Buffy has never been the average Slayer. You make her life a lot easier. You watch her back. I am very grateful for that. I care about her a lot. More than I probably should as her Watcher. And your relationship is none of my business." Giles wondered if Buffy had told Angel about their awkward conversation in the library.

"Not even if your Slayer is dating a vampire?"

"Um… if you put it that way." Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them. "But still, how did you get the impression I was against you and Buffy being together?"

It had just slipped out. Keeping the two timelines apart was difficult at times. And Angel still felt guilty about what had happened to Giles in the other timeline. "Um… I just thought that… you being her Watcher and all…"

"Well, yes, I guess officially I have to be vehemently against your relationship," Giles said with a slight grin. "I admit, it took a bit getting used to." He successfully suppressed the mental images of vampire mating rituals. "But personally, I have no problem with your and Buffy's relationship."

"Thank you. That means a lot to me. Why don't you go and look after Miss Calendar? Buffy will be fine. And I won't leave her side until morning."

Giles was rubbing the bridge of his nose and said absent-mindedly. "This is not exactly how I had imagined this day to develop. I asked her to get checked out because she hadn't been feeling too well. I thought it might be the flu."

"Well, then I think you should really go after her."

"What?" Giles looked at Angel, jolted out of his thoughts. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said that you should go after her, since it sounds like you two didn't exactly plan this."

Giles blushed slightly and looked at his shoes. "No… um… not really. We… after the Judge… um… we had some wine and… and… um…" Why was he telling Angel this? He was rambling on and on. Giles was glad he had not run into Xander or Cordelia, even though they probably wouldn't have picked up on it anyway.

Angel just gave Giles a sympathetic smile. "Well, you obviously didn't have time to talk about it. You should do that. Maybe she wasn't just angry because you asked her to leave the hospital. Maybe she was upset that she had to leave without you," Angel suggested.

How low had he sunk, Giles thought, getting relationship advice from a vampire. "Yes, yes, you might be right. Maybe I will leave for a while."

"Do that."

"But call me if anything changes, if Buffy gets worse or if-"

"I will, Giles, don't worry."

"Okay, I'm going then."

Giles was halfway down the corridor, when something occurred to Angel. He quickly went after him. "Giles, would you do me a favor?"

"What kind of favor?"

"Could you and Jenny maybe wait with letting the others know about the pregnancy, especially Buffy. And once the others know, Xander and Willow would tell her instantly. I'd like her to be better for that."

"Um… sure, we'll wait. I don't think Jenny will appreciate my… spilling the beans anyway."

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. And… if you don't mind… I'd prefer to tell Buffy."

Giles was at first surprised by Angel's request. But of course children would be a delicate topic for them. "Sure, whatever you think is best for Buffy." Angel obviously had only Buffy's best interests at heart, so how could Giles deny him that.

"Thanks."

After Giles had left, Angel had to collect his thoughts before he went in to see Buffy. He was happy for Jenny and Giles. Giles seemed a bit shocked but Angel was sure once the news set in he would be thrilled, in a very British way, of course. That's what Buffy and Angel had wanted, for Jenny to have a life and for Giles to be with Jenny. That that would include a baby was certainly a surprise. He was glad for them, glad at least some of them had a normal life. But it also showed him - not that he needed any reminders - what Buffy and he could never have, a family of their own. And that's why he had asked Giles to hold back on the happy news. He was afraid how Buffy would take this. She didn't need any more pain in her life. What would a constant reminder in the form of a little baby do to her? Wouldn't it be a cruel and unavoidable representation of what she could never have with him?

Once Angel felt calm enough he went into Buffy's room. He tried to engage in some small-talk with the others. Luckily, they seemed to realize rather quickly that Buffy and Angel wanted some time alone, so they left.

"How are you?" Angel asked once the others gad gone.

"Not bad, which means probably not sick enough to see the Kindestod."

"Buffy, can't you let me fight him?"

"I'll need your help, but you can't see him and you don't get the flu."

Angel looked at her disapprovingly.

"We can't risk making him even more wary. He might even change his hunting grounds. We need to get him tonight. Let's get this over and done with," Buffy said and got out of bed. She stood and closed her eyes for a moment, fighting the vertigo.

Angel held on to her arm to steady her.

"We need to go to the lab first," Buffy said. "By the way, where did Giles and Jenny go?"

"I told them to go home."

"Good thinking. We wouldn't want them to be around for the big finale and to have to answer some unwanted questions."

Angel didn't say anything. And Buffy was too focused on her mission to notice Angel's concerned look.

Luckily, when they got to the laboratory, everything was exactly where Buffy remembered it to be. She took the tube out of the refrigerator and diluted two drops in water just like Willow had shown her last time. Then she downed the liquid. Angel stayed close by her side and watched her with a worried look. When she started to sway, he put his arm around her waist to support her.

"Okay, ready. Let's go hunting," Buffy said.

* * *

It didn't take long for them to find the Kindestod. They looked in the children's rooms first. But when their beds were empty, Buffy knew exactly where to find them. They headed for the basement and arrived just in time as the Kindestod had already picked out his first victim and was leaning over a small boy, pinning him to the ground.

"Oh no, you won't!" Buffy said. She pushed Angel's arm away and grabbed the Kindestod, pulling him away from the boy.

Angel watched helplessly for a moment, not being able to see Buffy's opponent. But he could hear something smash into the pipes. He tried to focus on that feeling he'd had the night before, but they were moving too fast for him to be able to locate the Kindestod.

Throwing the Kindestod across the room had used up almost all of the energy Buffy had left. She had to bend over to catch her breath. The Kindestod immediately took advantage of the opening and kicked her viciously to the ground.

When Angel saw Buffy go down, he was instantly at her side, helping her up and hoping to at least shield her from any further attacks. His plan was successful as the next attack wasn't aimed at Buffy. Angel felt something hit him in the back and he went to the ground.

The Kindestod grabbed Buffy and put his hands around her neck, trying to choke her. With her last bit of strength Buffy managed to wrestle him to the ground. When they hit the floor the Kindestod momentarily let go of her neck. Buffy twisted free of his hold and grabbed him from behind in a headlock.

When Angel saw that Buffy had a hold of the Kindestod, he quickly joined the fight again. Feeling his way, he took over for Buffy, keeping a tight hold on their enemy. When Buffy was sure that Angel was in control of the situation she finally let go of the Kindestod.

The Kindestod tried to get free, but Angel was much stronger. With one twist, Angel broke his neck. Once it was over, Angel turned his attention immediately back to Buffy, who was kneeling on the floor and breathing heavily.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Buffy wheezed. She tried to stand up but hardly had the energy to do so. Her knees felt like rubber and she just wanted to sleep.

Angel swiftly lifted her into his arms. Then he turned towards the children who were still cowering behind some pipes. "Come on, let's get you all back to bed. It's over. You'll be safe now."

Angel waited until every child had left the basement, then he followed with Buffy in his arms. She was burning up again. "How did you manage to defeat him last time?" Angel asked, more wondering to himself.

"Had to," Buffy mumbled. "And Xander helped."

Angel had been aware of the fact that Xander had lent a hand the last time. Buffy had told him. But he was still amazed that she had successfully defeated the Kindestod in her condition. Buffy's fight with the Kindestod could have easily ended quite differently with her being so weak. The thought sent a chill through his body. It must have been pure power of will. But she had made it through the last four years without him, he reminded himself. There had certainly been several close calls over the years. And she had mastered them all. She was the Slayer. She did what she had to. The apprehension slowly turned into pride. But it also made him wonder if he was trying to protect her too much. Then again, he wondered how he could have ever left her to fight on her own.

* * *

Buffy was at home in her bed. Her mom was waiting on her with whatever she wanted. Willow and Xander had left a short while ago. Angel knew he should let her get some rest, but he himself felt on edge. One the one hand, he wanted to keep the news about Jenny's pregnancy as long away from her as possible. On the other hand, he didn't want to risk her finding out from somebody else and being caught completely unaware. The window was open as usual and he climbed in.

"I was wondering when you would show up", Buffy said with a smile.

"I thought I'd let you have some time with your mom and friends."

"Yeah, that was nice." Buffy said. "Still, I missed you."

Angel sat down on her bed and just stared at his hands.

"What's wrong?"

"I… I was just worried about you." He tried to buy some time, still arguing with himself if he should tell her now or leave it until some other time.

"I'm fine, don't worry. Just still a bit tired."

"Buffy, I need to tell you something."

Buffy's body went instantly rigid and her heartbeat went up a notch.

"At the hospital, I talked to Giles and…"

"Spit it out. What is this about? Have you two been deciding something over my head again?" she asked angrily.

"No, no that's not it. Not at all."

"Jeez, don't scare me like this. Whenever you do something like that I think that you will … leave again."

"I won't leave you again, Buffy. I thought we had covered that."

Buffy looked away guiltily. "So, what is this about?"

"It seems that Jenny hasn't been feeling well. Giles urged her to get checked out while you were at the hospital." Angel saw Buffy's face turn to worry. "No, she is fine. In fact… she is pregnant."

"Pregnant?"

Angel nodded.

"Wow." It took Buffy a moment to let that sink in. "Giles told you that?"

"Yeah, it kind of slipped out I think. He had just found out and was slightly overwhelmed by the situation."

Buffy just looked straight ahead. So many things were going through her head. They had wanted to keep Jenny alive and now she was pregnant. That was something they hadn't even remotely considered in any of their plans. "Wow, Jenny's pregnant. That's… wow."

Angel watched Buffy closely, searching for the smallest indicator that she was upset.

"Damn, I mean, they just got together. I know they've been hot for each other for a while but… damn." Then Buffy noticed Angel's scrutinizing look. "What's wrong? Is something wrong with the baby? It's not Giles'?"

"No, no, the baby is fine, I guess. And I am pretty sure it is Giles' baby."

"Oh God, those words in one sentence. Giles and baby."

"So you are not upset?"

"Upset?" Buffy looked at Angel surprised. "No, why should I be upset? Oh, I get it. I know what you are thinking. This is so typical of you. You were worried it would make me sad because we can't have children," Buffy said matter-of-factly.

"Um… yes, I was."

"Angel, I came to accept that years ago. Don't you remember?"

"I do. But I thought maybe you would change your mind when you get older. You still might want that one day."

"I will never have that. And that's okay. I just want you. Yes, I admit, if we could have children, I would probably jump at the idea, no matter how unrealistic it would be with me being the Slayer and all."

Angel just looked at Buffy scrutinizingly, suspicious of her rather positive reaction.

When Buffy saw that he was not convinced she went on, "They deserve it. Besides, with a baby around Giles will be too busy to be on my case every minute of every day. The only thing that does bother me is that Giles is obviously having more sex than me. Ugh… bad mental picture, bad mental picture." Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and willed the image to go away. Then she looked at Angel searchingly and asked hesitantly, "Does it bother you?" Jenny's pregnancy had to remind him of Connor.

Angel was caught off guard by her question. He had expected to comfort Buffy, not to talk about how he felt about this. "Um… I'm happy for them, of course."

"I don't believe you," she said gently.

"Well… it's just… I know I have no right to feel like this, but you would have every right to be angry."

"Angry?"

"I think it's unfair. Unfair to you. You sacrificed so much. For all of them, but especially for Giles and Jenny. And I am aware how disrespectful it is to talk about her like this, but she got her life back. She said she did it for us. But she actually got the best deal of all." By now Angel was pacing back and forth angrily.

Buffy just listened and let him vent his frustration. But she was very surprised by his reaction. Was this really the main reason for his anger? Was he suppressing his feelings concerning Connor? Or did he simply not want to talk about him?

"Jenny basically told you to stick with me because it would be better for everybody. But so far-"

"Angel, I am not with you because Jenny told me to be with you!"

"I know", Angel said quickly, only realizing now what he had said and how it must have sounded to Buffy. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just… she did imply certain things…"

"Jenny gave us a choice. She did this for us. And I am very glad she did. I am sure she didn't know what would happen once she sent us back in time. I am sure she didn't know about the baby. But she did know that I was terribly unhappy. My life was miserable. I am happy how it is now. It is so much more than we had before. Why can't you see that?" Buffy looked at him sadly. "Aren't you happy?" she asked uneasily.

"I am. But I want more for you."

"I don't need more. When will you get it into your thick head that all I want - all I ever wanted - is you, just you?"

"I am happy," he said, and kissed her gently on the forehead. "You are all I could ever dream of. Just sometimes… I still can't believe that you could want me like that."

"Angel-"

"Ssh, I don't doubt your feelings. It's just in my head." He kissed her again, this time on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Very quietly, she added, "And, Angel, the choice I made back in that motel room, that was purely for selfish reasons."

"Me too," Angel admitted.

Buffy smiled at him. "I got another selfish request."

"What's that?"

"Will you stay?"

Angel looked at the door, as if her mother would come through it any minute now.

"I'm ill," Buffy pouted. "I need you to get better. You are like my special medicine. And I don't have to go to school tomorrow. Mom will let me sleep in."

"I guess I can sneak out before it gets light."

At his words Buffy's face lit up with a radiant smile. Angel pulled off his coat and shoes and lay down beside her, tucking the blankets more closely around her and then wrapping her in his arms. Buffy sighed contently, snuggling even closer to him.

Angel wasn't planning on catching any sleep. He didn't want to miss one moment of having her next to him. He still wasn't quite used to having her in his arms whenever he wanted yet. And just in case it was only a beautiful dream after all Angel wanted to savor every second he got with her. Besides, he had too much to think about. He wasn't really convinced yet that Jenny's pregnancy didn't bother Buffy one bit. Perhaps she was just trying not to hurt his feelings by pretending that she didn't care. And he couldn't rule out that Buffy would want children after all one day. Maybe she didn't want them today. But once she would see Jenny's baby grow up it might trigger the yearning for a child of her own.

"Stop it!" Buffy said.

"Stop what? I thought you were already asleep."

"I can hear you brooding."

Guilty as charged, Angel thought. "Just thinking."

"About?"

"Just that I don't want to waste one moment we have together."

"Sounds like a plan."

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"You must be dead tired by now. Is my brooding contagious?"

"I thought you weren't brooding."

"I wasn't. But you were."

"Just thinking."

"About?"

At that very moment, Buffy was thinking that it was almost scary how well they knew each other by now. She had obviously been dead-on about his brooding. And Angel knew exactly that Buffy was too preoccupied with something that kept her from falling asleep despite being sick and tired. But that was probably what made them such a great team. The fight against the Kindestod the night before had been further proof of that.

"Are you still upset about what I said earlier?" Angel asked.

"No." Buffy was reluctant to approach the topic that was on her mind again, since usually only the mentioning of Angelus made Angel feel guilty.

But Angel was persistent. "Buffy…"

"Why didn't Angelus kill me when I was sick? When I was in the hospital last time?"

Now Angel was reluctant to answer as delving into the mind and motives of his alter ego was not the most pleasant pastime for him. "It would have been too simple."

"He could have gotten rid of a Slayer."

"Yes, but killing a Slayer without a real fight would have been beneath his dignity. Make no mistake, he wanted to kill you, but in a fair fight."

"Fair?" Buffy snorted.

"Well, maybe not fair, but a fight he would be able to boast about afterwards. Killing a Slayer in her sleep is not really something that would have gained him much admiration."

"But then why was he there? Why was he in my room?"

"Because he could. It gave him a sense of power. You were at his mercy, even if you didn't know it at that time. Just like when he left that drawing in your room."

Buffy shuddered when she remembered how close she had come to die at Angelus' hands. He could never be allowed to be let loose again.

"He'll never get a chance to lay a finger on you again," Angel said. "Never!"

"I know. We won't let him."

TBC


	9. I Only Have Eyes for You

_Since it's been a while, here's a quick recap:_

_The story starts after "As you were" (S6 of Buffy) and "Sleep tight" (S3 of Angel). Jenny's ghost sends Buffy and Angel back in time (right into season 2's "Surprise"). They remember everything that happened but don't tell the others. Knowing what would happen, they don't sleep with each other and Angel doesn't turn into Angelus. But the curse is still active. They try to use their knowledge of the future to change things for the better. Also, Jenny is still alive and gets together with Giles. In "Killed by Death" Jenny finds out that she is pregnant._

* * *

**Chapter 9 - I Only Have Eyes for You**

"Do you remember when you were Angelus and there was this ghost hunting Sunnydale High," Buffy asked. "Around Sadie Hawkins?"

"Barely, it was all a bit fuzzy to me," Angel said. "I remember waking up, kissing you and then getting out of there as fast as I could. I never really bothered to find out what it was all about."

"Well, there was this ghost, James, and his teacher-girlfriend who reenacted their deaths. It happened every couple of years or so. At first they picked a couple of students, but I was able to stop them. Then it was the janitor and a teacher. That went badly though," Buffy said sadly. "Then they picked us. I shot you, you fell."

"That part I remember very well," Angel said.

"That's how it ended with all other people," Buffy went on. "But you didn't die. So her ghost was able to forgive my ghost."

"Her ghost?"

"Yeah, it was a bit twisted, because I was the one feeling guilty, just like James. And the only reason-"

"Wait a second. What were you feeling guilty about?"

Buffy didn't look at him. "Well, I… when we… slept with each other… I made you lose your soul. I banished you to I don't know where."

"Buffy, that's…," Angel tried to think of an appropriate word, but only one came to mind, "stupid. Because you just said it: we. It takes two. You didn't make me do anything."

"Maybe… anyway, that's how it happened," Buffy went on quickly, not wanting to dwell on these thoughts. "And the only reason the whole thing stopped was because that fall and the bullet couldn't kill you. If their ghosts pick some other couple, it will happen again and again. We have to stop that from happening."

"We will, don't worry."

"We need to talk to Giles. I guess this time he'll listen to us. Last time he thought it was Jenny's ghost and he wasn't very cooperative."

"You want to tell him everything?"

"No."

"Then how are you gonna explain that you know what's going to happen?"

"We could say that you know what is gonna happen. You've been around long enough to see the first time it happened."

"I wasn't in Sunnydale back then."

"Right, well, then we have to wait until the first incident happens and prevent it the old-fashioned way."

* * *

A few nights later, Angel was pacing in Buffy's room. "Buffy, I thought about this some more and I'd prefer if you stayed here tonight."

"What? No way!"

Angel started to say something else, but Buffy held up a hand. "We are not even discussing this. Because it's completely ridiculous."

"Buffy, there are bullets involved. You are not invincible."

"He's just a puny human being, no real challenge there."

"Possessed by a ghost."

"I managed fine on my own the last time," Buffy said, starting to get annoyed. Angel's overprotectiveness was sometimes getting on her nerves, especially if it was about something this simple and unexciting.

"I am just saying, it's bullets." Bullets couldn't hurt Angel. But they could hurt Buffy, even kill her. He knew she was capable of taking care of herself and he wasn't even sure why he had suggested going on his own. Of course she wouldn't agree to that. He just hated the thought of Buffy getting hurt.

"Last time he didn't even have time to fire the gun." Buffy was digging through her box with weapons. She didn't really need any weapons to stop that guy from shooting his girl-friend, but she liked to be prepared. "And this time, I'll stop him even earlier."

"I know you can handle it. I just…"

"You just?" Buffy turned around to see why he wasn't going on. "Angel?"

A shopping bag on Buffy's dresser had caught his attention. It was from a baby store. Angel went over and looked inside. Slowly, he took a pair of yellow baby pajamas out of the bag.

"Oh, that… um… I know it's way too early to buy stuff like that. But I couldn't help myself. It was so cute. And the color is suitable for boys and girls." Buffy took the pajamas out of his hands, put it back in the bag and stuffed it into a drawer. She was a little bit embarrassed that Angel had found it. Jenny and Giles hadn't even told the others about the pregnancy yet. "Shouldn't have that lying around in case Willow or Xander drop by. And I guess my mom might jump to the wrong conclusion, if she found it."

Angel just kept staring at his empty hands.

Buffy noticed Angel's sad look. She approached him slowly. "What are you thinking?" she asked gently.

"Nothing."

"You are thinking of Connor, aren't you?" They had never talked about him. Buffy had been too afraid to approach that subject. But now that he seemed so sad she felt like she had to offer at least. He had nobody else to talk about Connor but her.

At hearing Connor's name Angel instantly raised his eyes and looked at her.

Buffy just waited and watched him for clues, unsure about what to do or say next. Had she crossed a line? She was always the one saying how they should talk about stuff. But when it came to Connor she wasn't sure how to handle that.

Angel went over to the bed and sat down. They had never talked about Connor. And up to the moment in that motel right before Jenny's ghost had sent them back in time Angel hadn't even been sure that Buffy knew about Connor. But even now he had no idea what exactly she knew. He was afraid to mention him. He knew Connor must be a painful topic for Buffy. He didn't want to burden her even more or make her angry at him for hooking up with Darla. And he wasn't too keen on talking about Connor either. He missed him. And he thought that not talking about him might make it easier.

Buffy was motivated similarly. Thinking of Connor saddened her greatly and even made her angry at times. But she didn't want to force Angel to talk about it, thinking it would only bring back painful memories for him. And she didn't want to think too much about Connor herself for another reason. If she thought about it too much, she might feel guilty that Angel had come back with her instead of looking for Connor. He had given up any chance to find his son in order to be with her.

"How did you find out about Connor?" Angel asked finally.

"You mean because you never told me?" Buffy replied reproachfully, but regretted it as soon as the words had left her mouth.

Angel looked away guiltily.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

Angel raised his hand. "No, I deserved that. When did you find out?"

"The day he was born."

Angel looked at her dumbfounded.

Buffy sat down next to him. "It's hardly a day I will ever forget," she said deep in thought. "Most people in Sunnydale remembered you, I mean, the demon world." Buffy was being drawn back to that fateful day. "And Willy is always a great source of information. The day of Connor's birth… the news traveled fast. Well, no wonder, nobody had ever heard of something like that before. Willy couldn't wait to tell me." Buffy laughed bitterly when she remembered. "He called you an asshole to betray me like that. Can you imagine? Willy trying to console me that you had a child with somebody else? Darla of all people?"

"Oh, Buffy, I am so sorry."

"For what? Having Connor?" Buffy didn't even wait for a reply from Angel. "Didn't think so."

"That I didn't tell you in person, that you had to find out from somebody else, Willy of all people."

"Better Willy than some vamp on the streets. I mean, they did try. They were just a little bit too late. There were several that night, hoping to catch me off guard with the news. I'm glad I stopped by at Willy's that night first to get some intel."

Angel didn't know what to say to ease her pain. And she was definitely in pain right now. And that was exactly the reason why he was reluctant to talk about Connor. He didn't want to cause her any more pain. "We should get to school," Angel said. "To prevent that shooting."

Buffy looked at him incredulously. Was he serious? He wanted to change the subject now? "You… we just…" Then she looked at the clock. Damn, he was right though. They had to get going. "Yes, right. Let's go." Buffy rolled her eyes. Once again somebody else's life was more important than taking care of her own.

* * *

Buffy had no problem disarming the guy. Angel even agreed to stay in the background. Afterwards, Buffy could convince all involved parties to simply forget about the incident and not to report it to Principal Snyder. She could do without his useless lectures, especially when she already knew the exact wording.

"What now?" Angel asked when he walked her home.

"I'll tell the others about it tomorrow, get them started on the research part. I have enough information to speed that part up a bit" She would pretend that her daydream about James and Ms. Newman had been more forthcoming than it had actually been. That might save them some time.

"What about the janitor and that teacher?"

"Yeah, we have to stick around. And we have to make sure that the ghosts don't pick Giles and Jenny. Giles likes to stay at the library after hours."

Angel looked at Buffy horrified. He hadn't thought of that. They had to protect Jenny and the baby at all costs.

"You know, the most effective way would be to do it exactly like last time," Buffy said. "As long as you don't mind getting shot again."

"No, it's too dangerous, Buffy. You were holding a gun to your head. If I am just a couple seconds late…" He didn't even want to think about the consequences. "This might not go down exactly like last time. We might have changed too much already."

"You really think the ghosts from something that happened over 40 years ago will be influenced by what we did over the last few weeks?"

"I don't want to take that risk."

"It might be the only way."

"Let's try the spell first."

"It won't work."

"Maybe it wasn't done the right way. Willow might have made a mistake."

"She is a natural. It wasn't her fault. The spell just won't work."

"Maybe Jenny or Giles will come up with something different this time."

"Maybe," Buffy said doubtfully.

"We can still consider doing it your way, if everything else fails," Angel said reluctantly.

"We could put up some kind of a safety net. You won't fall. That should save some time. Besides, it would be a good idea anyway in case the ghosts pick someone else."

"They'll get shot first."

"We don't know if the shot alone was fatal."

"And what will you tell Principal Snyder when you put up a net?"

"I won't tell him, of course. It always happened at night when the school was almost empty. We put it up when it gets dark and take it down before school starts."

"Let's give the spell a try first."

"Fine, but I am telling you, it won't work. The ghost wants something. And he won't get that from a spell."

If Buffy was that convinced that her way was the only way to get rid of the ghost, it could only mean one thing. "Do you still feel that guilty?" Angel asked.

Buffy looked at him questioningly, but she knew exactly what he was alluding to.

"Buffy, it wasn't your fault."

"I was selfish," Buffy said, not looking at him. "I wanted you."

"I wanted you too." Quietly he added, "I still do. And let's be honest, even if we hadn't slept with each other the night of your birthday, it would have happened eventually."

Buffy thought about that for a moment. He was right. It would have happened sooner or later.

Angel went on, "The only way that we wouldn't have ended up sleeping together would have been Jenny telling us about the second part of the curse. But even she didn't know the details. And even if I had gone away to hide the pieces of the Judge, nothing could have kept me from you. I would have come back. It would have only postponed it. In other words, it wasn't preventable. It would have happened no matter what." He stroked her cheek lovingly.

He was right, Buffy thought. She had loved him too much to not give in to the temptation. And he had admitted of wanting to sleep with her basically from the day they had met.

And the attraction was still there. It was crackling in the air. They were staring at each other, silently, longingly. Only the curse was keeping them from giving in to their desire, a curse spoken almost a century ago, invisible but yet so volatile.

"Yes," Buffy said. "There would have been nothing to prevent it. There would have been nothing to keep me from you."

"And there would have been nothing to make me resist you." Angel leaned down and kissed Buffy softly on the lips. He kept the kiss short though, because now - sadly and luckily – there was something to make him resist.

* * *

The next day at school in history class, Buffy had the vision about James and Grace. This time she knew immediately what was going on. She was fully focused on observing James and Grace closely. She had expected to be still angry at James for killing the love of his life. But when she saw the two of them interacting she couldn't help but feel sorry for them. They were in love and trying hard to fight it. But it wasn't meant to be. Destiny would get the better of them.

As soon as the class was over Buffy went to the library. She told Giles and the others all she knew.

"Are you sure, Buffy?" Giles asked. "It could have been something else."

"How do you explain the disappearing gun? It all fits together, the fight last night and what I saw in the vision."

"She's right, Giles," Willow said, sitting at the computer. "I found a story about James and Ms. Newman. It happened exactly like Buffy said."

"Wow, your dreams are getting wicked accurate," Xander said.

"Interesting," Giles said. "A ghost, that's something different for a change."

"We have to find a way to stop them, Giles. As soon as possible. I can't be around all the time."

"Sure, sure, I'll start looking into it right away."

The bell rang.

"I'll come back and help you after classes are over," Willow said and grabbed her books. She looked at Buffy who was making no move to leave the library. "Aren't you coming, Buffy?"

"Yes, in a minute. You guys go ahead."

"Okay."

"What is it, Buffy?" Giles asked.

"You need to do me a favor."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Could you please not work late at the library while these ghosts are loose? At least not alone or just with Jenny."

"Why?"

"I really don't want you to get killed," Buffy said seriously.

"Killed?"

"Yes, killed. This ghost is crazy obsessed. And if he picks you, Jenny could get hurt as well. Please, you have to think about her and the baby."

"So Angel told you?"

"He did. Congratulations by the way. But please, Giles, no work in the library after school is out. Take your books home with you, okay?"

"Well, I guess a little bit of precaution can't hurt."

"Exactly. Thank you, Giles."

* * *

After school, everybody met at the library again.

"Oh good, you are all here. I think I found something," Giles said.

"Let me see," Jenny said and looked over his shoulder, affectionately placing her hand on his arm while reading. "Yes, I think this might work," she said.

"Can I see?" Buffy asked.

Giles looked at her surprised, then he pushed the book over to her. "Sure."

Buffy looked at the spell. It was definitely the same spell Willow had come up with last time. "You sure this will work?" she asked doubtfully. "Maybe we should continue looking."

"Why?"

"Just in case?" Buffy said, not having any better explanation she could actually share with them.

"I think we should try this one first," Giles said.

"Yes, I agree," Jenny said. "And it sounds simple enough. I think we even have all the ingredients here. I think I can do it."

"You?" Giles asked disapprovingly.

"Sure."

"There is no way I am letting you…" Giles looked around, noticing that everybody's attention was focused on them. "You shouldn't… this could be dangerous." He gave Jenny a meaningful look.

"Rupert, I can handle this," she whispered.

"That might be. But I don't want you anywhere near the school when we attempt the spell." Truth was, after Buffy had talked to him Giles didn't want Jenny anywhere near the school at all as long as these ghosts were around.

"Rupert-"

"No, that's the end of it."

"We'll talk about it later."

"No, we won't."

"Rupert, we need several people to do the spell anyway."

"We have enough people."

"I won't let any of them stand at the hot spot, Rupert. It's irresponsible."

"I can do it," Willow said.

"You?"

"I've done some reading. I think I can manage it."

"Willow, it's dangerous."

"I know. But I want to do it. I want to help."

"You can help, but I will take the spot on the balcony," Giles said. "You can take the stairs and-"

"No, I'll take the stairs," Buffy said quickly, remembering that Willow had almost gotten sucked into some kind of hole there.

"Um, why?" Willow asked.

"Does it matter? You could take the bathroom."

"Okay."

"And Xander takes the cafeteria," Buffy suggested.

"Okay, but we still have some time left. The spell is supposed to be done at midnight."

"I could make some scapulas," Willow suggested.

"Good idea," Giles said impressed.

* * *

Right after the sun had set Angel showed up as well. "Hey, what are you up to?"

"Preparing a spell," Willow informed him enthusiastic.

Angel looked at Buffy, whose frustrated expression told him everything he needed to know. Then he noticed Jenny and his own expression became concerned. As inconspicuously as possible Angel lead Buffy to the upper level of the library.

"What is Jenny doing here?" he asked in a whisper.

"Don't worry. There are plenty of people around," Buffy said.

Angel didn't look convinced.

"But this spell isn't going to work," Buffy said. "We need to look out for the janitor and Ms. Frank."

Angel nodded in agreement.

"We gonna patrol the school," Buffy informed the others and headed with Angel for the door.

* * *

"Aren't we offering ourselves on a platter by parading around like this?" Angel asked when they were walking the hallways. "Or was that your plan?"

Buffy looked at Angel taken aback. "No, that was not my plan," she said. She didn't know if she should be angry or hurt by his comment. "It was not!"

"I am sorry. I just… since we've come back… I am just worried about you. You tend to…" He gently took her hand in his. "You try to save every human being you weren't able to save before."

"What's wrong about that?"

"Nothing, but I don't want you to… I'm afraid that you are getting reckless, Buffy."

"I told you we would try the spell first. And that's still the plan. If that doesn't-"

Suddenly there was screaming coming from the upper level of the school. "Come back here! We're not finished!"

"That's them," Buffy said and started running in a mad dash. Angel was right on her heels.

As soon as Buffy saw the janitor, she tackled him to the ground. The gun went flying across the hallway. Angel made for the gun, but before he could grab it it disappeared right before his eyes.

"What… what happened?" the janitor asked confused.

Buffy let go of him and sat up against the wall. She was taking deep breaths, but not because she was exhausted from running but from fear of being too late.

Angel checked if Ms. Frank was alright. She seemed a little bit dazed and scared but otherwise fine. Then he went over to Buffy and held out his hand to help her up. "You okay?"

"Yeah. That was just a little bit too close for my liking," Buffy said.

"What just happened here?" the janitor asked.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Well, you know, this school is haunted."

The janitor thought about that for a moment. "That would explain some things."

"How about you call it a day for tonight?" Buffy suggested.

"Yes, I think that might be a good idea." Slowly he got up on unsteady legs and went over to Ms. Frank. "Can I take you home?"

"Um, yes, thank you. That would be really nice of you."

When they were out of sight, Buffy said, "I think we should put up some kind of a safety net right now, just as a precaution."

Angel nodded. This incident had changed his mind. It certainly couldn't hurt. "Okay, but do you happen to have one lying around?"

"I don't. But I bet there is something in the gym we could use."

* * *

Buffy and Angel found some spare tennis and volleyball nets at the gym. They went back to the upper level and started securing the nets to the pillars. Buffy was tying the end of a net to a pillar while Angel was cutting pieces of rope.

"I need another piece," Buffy said.

Angel was about to hand a piece of rope to Buffy, when he suddenly dropped it. "No."

"What?"

"A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody!"

Buffy's face filled with horror, the horror of instant realization of what was about to happen. But it lasted only for a second. Then she lost control over her body as well and the look of horror was now caused by the sight of the gun in James' hand.

"Love is forever. I'm not afraid to use it, I swear!" Angel pointed the gun at her. "If I can't be with you..."

"Oh, my God!" Buffy said and made an attempt to move out of the line of fire.

"Don't walk away from me, bitch!" Angel yelled. "Stop it! Stop it! Don't make me!"

"All right. Just..." Buffy stopped in her tracks. "You know you don't want to do this. Let's both... just calm down. Now give me the gun."

"Don't. Don't do that, damn it! Don't talk to me like I'm some stupid..." Suddenly the gun went off.

"James…" Buffy fell backwards over the balustrade. But the Slayer in her went into survival mode. With one hand she managed to grab onto the net. It stopped her fall in mid-air, but only for a split-second. The half fastened net came loose under the strain and Buffy fell the rest of the way until she made impact with the hard ground at the bottom of the stairs.

* * *

Up on the balcony Angel stared distraught at the empty space where Buffy had just stood. Then he turned around and walked away.

* * *

Outside the school, Buffy was lying motionless on the ground. Her left shoulder was bleeding from where the bullet had hit. Suddenly her eyes opened. Mechanically, Buffy rose to her feet and walked towards the school building. She should have hurt all over. But she didn't feel any pain as her body was still possessed by the ghost.

* * *

Angel had made his way to the music room. He turned on the record player. Then he went over to the mirror and saw James looking back at him. He slowly lifted the gun in his hand. But then, from behind, someone grabbed the gun. Angel turned around. "Grace!"

"Don't do this," Buffy said.

"But I killed you," Angel said in tears, not understanding what was going on.

"It was an accident. It wasn't your fault."

"Oh, it is my fault. How could I..."

"Sh, I'm the one who should be sorry, James. You thought I stopped loving you. But I never did. I loved you with my last breath." Buffy gently placed her hand on his cheek. "Sh, no more tears."

They both leaned forward and their lips met in a soft kiss that slowly turned more passionate. Suddenly, a bright light appeared between them. It seemed to originate from their kiss. The light engulfed them and rose gradually above their heads. Then it disappeared.

All of a sudden, Angel had control over his body again. The first thing he noticed was the taste of blood in his mouth. But it wasn't his blood. It was Buffy's blood. The next split-second, Buffy collapsed in his arms.

When the ghost left Buffy's body the strength it had been giving her left as well. As soon as the ghost was gone, Buffy was hit by the full force of her injuries.

Angel gently lowered Buffy to the ground. He inspected the shot wound. The bullet had hit her very high in the shoulder. Frantically, he searched the rest of her body for wounds, especially one that could have caused the blood in her mouth. "Buffy? Can you hear me? Where else are you hurt? Where is the blood coming from?"

Buffy was conscious, but the pain made it hard to focus on anything else.

"Buffy? Talk to me! Where are you hurt?"

When Buffy finally managed to look at Angel, there was a great sadness in her eyes. "Why? Why you?" Buffy asked, barely being able to speak because of the pain. "Why do you still feel guilty?" she asked with tears in her eyes. "You are not supposed to feel guilty anymore." She had been certain that if James chose one of them it would be her again.

"Sh, don't talk." Angel wiped a little bit of blood from her lip. "We need to get you to a hospital. The bullet must have ricocheted and punctured your lung."

Buffy carefully felt for the shot wound. Then she noticed the taste of blood as well. "I bit my tongue."

Angel looked at her skeptically. "Are you sure? Are you having trouble breathing?"

Buffy was hurting everywhere. Every little move hurt. And she probably had at least one bruised rib from where she had hit the stairs, but nothing life-threatening. "Just bit my tongue," Buffy repeated weakly. She didn't have the energy to convince Angel any other way.

* * *

Xander, Willow, Jenny and Giles had heard the gun shot and were searching for Angel and Buffy.

"Buffy? Angel? Where are you?"

"We are here, in the music room," Angel yelled.

When they entered the room they saw Angel cradling Buffy in his arms. She was conscious but obviously hurt very seriously.

"What happened?" Willow asked.

"I kinda fell," Buffy said.

"Fell, from what?" Xander looked around the room.

"Um… off the school building."

"What exactly happened?" Giles asked.

"Can we skip the questions for now and get her out of here?" Angel asked annoyed.

"Sure," Giles said.

"You can't take me home like this, Angel. Too many questions."

"You need to go to a hospital," Angel said sternly.

"No!"

"Buffy…"

"It's a shot wound, Angel. They'll ask question. And if school finds out, Snyder will expel me. And if my mom thinks I was involved in a shooting… She can't find out!" Buffy looked at Angel, pleading with him to understand that she would rather take the pain than dealing with her mom or Snyder.

"Shot wounds would have to be reported to the police," Giles said.

"Snyder is just waiting for any excuse to expel me," Buffy added.

Angel didn't look very happy, but he finally nodded his head in agreement.

"I have to call my mom to tell her I am staying at Willow's."

"You can do that from the library," Giles said.

Angel gently picked Buffy up and carried her to the library, where he carefully sat her down on the chair in Giles' office.

While Buffy called her mother, Angel took a closer look at the shot wound. He couldn't find the exit wound. After Buffy had hung up the phone, he said, "The bullet is still in. We have to get it out."

"Um… I think I have some tweezers here." Giles went through his desk and held up the tweezers.

Angel looked at them skeptically and hoped they would be long enough to reach the bullet. "We have to get the bullet out now," Angel said as much to himself as to Buffy. "The sooner the better."

Angel's pained look told Buffy that he was everything else but keen on doing this, but she hadn't left him with much of a choice. "Do it."

"Giles, do you have some disinfectant?"

"Yes."

Angel tore Buffy's shirt apart so that he had better access to her shoulder. Then he sprayed the disinfectant generously onto the tweezers and his hands. "Ready?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "Yes."

"I'm sorry, this is gonna hurt," Angel felt obliged to say.

"Do it."

Angel pulled the flesh around the wound apart. Buffy groaned in pain but tried to hold as still as possible. Angel inserted the tweezers and felt his way for the bullet. He felt how metal met metal but couldn't get a hold of it. Buffy couldn't hold back any longer and screamed in pain. Angel quickly withdrew.

"I am sorry." Angel stroked her cheek. Her forehead was covered in sweat. "One more time. This time I'll get it out."

Buffy just nodded. She tried to relax her left shoulder as much as she could. "Ready."

When Angel inserted the tweezers once more, Buffy's couldn't suppress a scream. But Angel was completely focused on feeling his way for the bullet. He worked as quickly as possible. Finally he got a good grip on the bullet and pulled it out. The pain from this almost made Buffy pass out.

Angel took a bandage Giles had prepared and wiped away the blood. Then he took the disinfectant. "This might burn," he said and put some on the wound before covering it with more bandages, which he pressed tightly onto the wound. Then he leaned forward. "It's done," Angel whispered soothingly into Buffy's ear.

Buffy was breathing heavily, trying to block out the pain. She didn't even hear the exact words Angel was saying to her.

"It' over," Angel said again. He gently kissed the nape of her neck. "It's over. It's okay. Everything is gonna be okay."

Giles and the others looked on bewildered and at the same time fascinated at the scene that had unfolded before their eyes. They were puzzled by how calm and composed Buffy and Angel were considering the violence and bloodshed that had let to this. At the same time, they were captivated by how loving and intimate the scene was despite all the blood and the pain Buffy had to endure. Unfazed by everything that had just happened, Angel was fully concentrated on what he was doing, while Buffy never showed even one sign of fear or panic, trusting Angel completely with what he was doing. They worked as a team, silently and efficiently. At times it was as if they were even communicating without exchanging words.

"The wound could use some stitching," Jenny said.

"I only have some butterfly-stitches here," Giles said.

"That'll do," Buffy said. "I heal quickly. I don't need stitches." Truth was, she wasn't sure she could take any pain more today.

"Keep the pressure on for a while longer," Giles said to Angel and handed him a new bandage.

Angel applied more pressure to the wound. When he checked after a while, the bleeding was getting less. He applied the butterfly-stiches Giles handed him and then covered everything with a bandage and secured it with tape.

When he was finished he pushed Buffy's hair away from her sweaty forehead and looked her in the eyes. "You okay?"

"I will be."

"Let's get you home."

"Can't go home," Buffy pointed out. "Mom thinks I am at Willow's."

"I know, I meant…"

"Your home?" Buffy asked hopefully.

Angel nodded.

"His home?" Xander asked disapprovingly. "As in the dark, creepy, vampire lair?"

Angel just looked at him irritated, too concerned about Buffy to even care about dealing with Xander.

"I'll drive you two," Giles offered.

"What, you are on their side? You'll allow this?" Xander asked.

"Xander…"

"She said she'd be at Willow's. Wouldn't be it a way better cover if she actually stayed at Willow's?" Xander suggested, thinking he'd had the idea of the century.

"Um, Xander, I don't think my mother would be any more thrilled to see her like that than Buffy's mother would be," Willow pointed out.

"Oh, right."

"Let's go," Giles said. "We'll stop by my apartment to get you some pain killers. I don't keep any here. I don't feel comfortable leaving them at school."

Xander looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "But you feel comfortable leaving axes, crossbows and dozens of swords and daggers in the library?"

* * *

Giles and Jenny drove them to Angel's place. Buffy and Angel were in the back. Buffy was leaning groggily against Angel.

"Even if you don't have to deal with your mother tonight or tomorrow, we have to come up with some excuse for Monday," Giles said.

"Monday?" Buffy asked sleepily.

"Yes, Monday. You can't go to school like this."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine on Monday." Buffy didn't feel fine right now but she also didn't feel like dealing with her mom or Snyder, especially not after she had just skipped some classes recently when Angel had been so depressed.

Giles looked into the rearview mirror and gave Angel a doubtful look. Angel's face showed clearly that he had the same concerns as Giles.

* * *

When they arrived at Angel's apartment, he carried Buffy inside and carefully placed her on his bed.

Giles put the pain medication on the table. "Um, can we do anything else?" He felt a bit strange leaving Buffy alone with Angel. But he also remembered how worried and caring Angel had been when he had removed the bullet from Buffy's shoulder.

"No, thanks. We'll be fine."

"Okay, but if she get worse-"

"Don't worry, the moment she gets worse I am taking her to the hospital." Angel didn't want Buffy get thrown out of school or suspended or in trouble with her mother, but he'd take these inconveniences - and her wrath - over her health any day.

"She could get an infection from the bullet and-"

"Rupert, they'll be fine," Jenny said. With Buffy's healing powers an infection was rather unlikely and she was sure that Angel would take very good care of her. "And we are just a phone call away."

"Well, okay then. But if you need anything, just let us know."

"Thanks."

* * *

After Giles and Jenny had left, Angel went over to Buffy. "I think we should get you out of those bloody clothes."

"Clean clothes sound good."

"I'll get you one of my shirts." While he went through his wardrobe, he said, "I think you should start leaving some clothes here."

This brought a smile to Buffy's face. She had been thinking the same thing, but didn't dare mention it. Also, she hoped that Angel would move to the mansion in the near future. There would be enough room for some of her stuff. His apartment was nice and cozy but it wasn't very big. The mansion was more practical too. It offered space for training sessions and more escape routes. But she was getting ahead of herself. They had several other problems to take care of first.

When Angel came back, Buffy had partly managed to pull her torn and bloody shirt over her head. "I think I'll need some help."

Angel only hesitated for a second. There was no way she would be able to change with that shoulder. He told himself it wasn't a big deal. She was hurt and he had seen her naked before. Angel was thankful though that Buffy was wearing a bra beneath the shirt. "Let's clean you up a bit while we are at it."

Buffy just nodded weakly.

Angel went to the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth. He gently wiped away the blood. Then he helped Buffy put on his clean shirt. It was wide and loose and almost long enough to serve her as a nightgown. Angel started to pull off her shoes, when he noticed that Buffy was wiggling around and winced in pain. "What are you trying to do?" he asked.

"Um… opening my bra," she admitted sheepishly. "I think I bruised a rib. Or two. It's kinda restricting, the bra, I mean."

"Let me," Angel offered. He slipped his hand beneath her shirt and unhooked the bra. Outwardly, he looked and acted calm and confident, as if this was an every-day occurrence. But inwardly he groaned. They had only been back for a few months and he had already seen her naked tree times. But who was counting.

Angel helped her lie down and covered her with the blankets. "Where else are you hurt?" He hadn't seen any bruises, but they probably wouldn't become visible before tomorrow. When Buffy was reluctant to answer he said, "Buffy, you are hardly able to walk."

"I slightly twisted my ankle and I think I bruised my hip." She saw his worried look and added, "I'll be fine in no time. Don't worry."

"Will you at least take one of the pills Giles left here? It'll help you get some sleep."

Buffy nodded.

He went to get her the pill and a glass of water. "Here, drink that. Drink as much as you can." He wasn't too worried about the blood loss as her wound hadn't bled too heavily thanks to her healing powers, but it couldn't hurt either.

"Thanks."

"Anything else I can get you?"

"No. But are you gonna sit right there for the whole night?"

He thought about it for a moment. The bed wasn't too big and he wanted to give Buffy some room. But she didn't look like that would be the answer she wanted to hear. "Just let me get cleaned up." His clothes were covered in Buffy's blood, and despite the potency of her blood, it wasn't a smell he was very fond of.

When he had washed off the blood and changed his clothes, he carefully lay down next to Buffy.

Buffy snuggled into his side. It took the weight off her bruised rips. "It feels so good to lie down," she said.

"I am so sorry, Buffy. I didn't consider that James' ghost might pick me. Otherwise I would have never come near the school." He could have lost her tonight. The shot could have just as well hit her lung or her stomach. It was probably just the height difference that had worked in their favor. "I always get you hurt." At the rate they were going, he might get her killed even before Glory would make an appearance in Sunnydale.

"You didn't get me hurt, Angel. And if you hadn't been at school, the ghost would have picked me instead. And last time you were drawn to the school anyway."

"At least the last time I was the one who fell off the school building."

"Last time, you shoved me away after we kissed. That hurt just as much, if not more," Buffy said quietly. "I'll be better tomorrow."

Angel still didn't look convinced.

"Angel, back then I hurt all the time. Because you weren't there. This is so much better. At least I have you. That's all that counts for me."

Buffy's words were just a small comfort to Angel. "I just hate to see you hurt."

"Why you, Angel? Why did James' ghost choose you?"

"Sh, not now. You have to rest."

"No! Why? You said you wouldn't leave. That means you can't feel guilty about me anymore. We talked about it over and over again," Buffy said teary-eyed. "And you made me believe…"

"Yes, we did. And I meant it. But then… "

"Then what?"

"Then Jenny got pregnant."

"Connor? Is this about Connor?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what is it? You do know what it is, don't you?"

"We can talk about it tomorrow. You need to get some rest, Buffy. Please."

"No! I want to know."

"Buffy, please. Let's talk about it tomorrow." Angel was exhausted as well. From the moment Buffy had collapsed in his arms up to now he had been in a state of constant fear and worry. He wasn't in a condition to have this conversation now. And he was afraid it might develop in an argument and neither Buffy nor he were up for that.

Something in his voice made Buffy relent. "Okay, tomorrow. But I won't let this go."

"I know," Angel said and closed his eyes. "I know."

* * *

The next morning when Buffy woke up, she rolled over to try to get some more sleep and rolled right onto her injured shoulder.

Angel was woken by Buffy's scream. "What's wrong?"

"Damn it! I hurt my shoulder. Stupid me."

Angel checked that the wound hadn't started bleeding again. "It looks fine."

"Hurts like hell though."

"Try to get some more sleep."

"That was more effective than an alarm clock." She lay back down but knew that sleep wouldn't come after this.

"Besides the shoulder, do you feel any better?"

"A bit." Buffy started drawing circles on Angel's chest. "Why don't you have a television?"

"A television?"

"When I was a little kid and ill, my mom would get me chicken soup and I could watch as much TV as I wanted."

"You know, people survived without a TV for hundreds of years."

"I've wondered about that. What did they do?"

"Read."

Buffy scrunched her nose.

"When kids were ill, people would read to them or tell them stories."

"Then tell me a story."

Angel looked at her. Was she serious?

"Tell me a story," she said again. "It'll keep my mind off the pain."

"Let me get you another pill for the pain," Angel said and was about to get up.

Buffy grabbed his arm. "No, it's not that bad, just bad enough to fall asleep again."

"Buffy…"

"Tell me about your life before you became a vampire."

Great, Angel thought, and he was the one who had given her that idea.

"I know, I know, tell me about the good parts. There were some, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Then tell me." Buffy snuggled into Angel's side again and carefully put her arm across his chest to prevent him from getting up.

So Angel told her about his early life, about his sister and his mother and the pranks he and his friends had played on their teachers. After an hour or two, Angel noticed that Buffy's breathing became more regular again. She was about to fall asleep.

Suddenly, somebody knocked on the door. Angel tried to get up as quickly as possible without waking or hurting Buffy. But it slowed him down considerably and before he could reach the door, there was another knock. This time Buffy stirred. Angel quickly opened the door, half expecting to see Giles. He was surprised to find Xander and Willow standing in the hallway instead. Willow looked slightly uncomfortable, as if she didn't really wanted to be there.

"Hey, can we come in?" Xander asked and squeezed past Angel into the apartment without waiting for an answer.

But before he could take more than two steps, Angel grabbed him by the arm. Looking at Willow he said, "Hey, Willow. I bet Buffy will be glad to see you. Go right in."

Willow just smiled uneasily and went quickly inside.

Angel turned towards Xander. "You woke her," he growled quietly so that the others wouldn't hear him.

"We just wanted to-"

"Listen, Xander," Angel said, "I know you don't trust me. But I would never hurt Buffy." He tried to remind himself that Xander was just a caring friend, who was worried about Buffy.

"Hey, I am just looking out for a friend. That's all."

"Well, and I am just looking out for my girl-friend. So I guess you'll understand when I ask you to make this a very short visit, so that your friend can get some much needed rest."

"Um… sure…"

Angel let go of Xander's arm and gave him a cold smile. "Then, come on in."

They joined Buffy and Willow. Willow was sitting on the bed and took some clothes out of a bag she had brought. "Here, I got you these. They are mine. They are not quite as stylish as yours, but at least they are not bloody."

"Great thinking, Will. Thanks."

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Better."

"Oh, that's good."

"Yes," Xander said, "that's very good. So, will we see you at school tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"Okay, great, then we'll let you get some more rest," Xander said and took Willow by the arm.

"But we just came," Willow said. "And… and it was your idea to-"

"Yes, but you heard her, Will. We'll see her tomorrow at school."

* * *

"Can't one simply check up on a friend anymore?" Xander said, when they had left.

"You weren't checking, Xander. You were snooping."

"I was not."

"Oh, come on. If I hadn't come up with the idea to bring Buffy some clothes you would have had no valid excuse at all to come by. Why do you still mistrust Angel after all this time?"

"Why? Because he's a vampire! But most of you seem to forget about the pointy teeth, the blood sucking and the being dead part on a regular basis."

"You are just jealous. I thought going out with Cordelia would have taken care of that. Does she know how you feel about Buffy?"

"The day will come when I'll be the one to tell you 'I told you so.' You'll see."

* * *

"That was weird," Buffy said.

"You want something to eat?" Angel asked, ignoring her comment.

"Nope, but I want something else."

"What?"

"To talk."

Angel looked at her warily.

"You said we were gonna talk about it later. Now is later."

"Buffy…"

"You are not getting out of this. It's just you and me for a whole day."

Angel went over to the bed and sat down. "Fine."

"Why? If it's not about Connor, what does it have to do with Jenny's pregnancy?"

"It's about… children in general."

Buffy groaned. "Oh, no, not that again."

"Let me finish. You wanted to talk about it. And we are. But give me a chance to explain."

"Fine. I am listening."

"Jenny's pregnancy was just so unexpected. It caught me off guard. And, yes, I am happy for them. But once Jenny has her baby, it will always be a reminder of what we can't have."

"Angel…"

"Let me finish."

"Sorry."

"Buffy, you don't know… I didn't know before… didn't know the full meaning of ...," Angel didn't know how to explain this to Buffy without causing her any pain. "After… having Connor… I know what it means to have a child."

Buffy looked like she was about to cry.

"And it's… wonderful. And to think that you might never experience that… because of me…"

Buffy rubbed her hands over her face. She didn't know what to say. She felt so sorry for Angel for what he had been through. And she tried to be understanding that Connor had changed his outlook on things. But she was angry that he was projecting all those things on her.

"Angel, I am so sorry about what happened with Connor. But you are doing it again. You are making decisions for me."

"I am not making decisions. I just can't help feeling that you deserve having children."

"Angel-"

"You'd be a great mother."

Damn, how could she be angry with him when he said things like that? "Yes, maybe I deserve having children. Just like I deserve a life without slaying, don't I? But it's never gonna happen. Life simply isn't fair."

"Maybe, but slaying is your destiny. A life without children is not."

"No, damn it!" Buffy exploded. "It is. You are my destiny!" Quietly she added, "With all that that implies."

Angel buried his head in his hands. He didn't know what to say anymore.

Buffy carefully put her hand on Angel's arm. "Angel?"

He didn't look at her. "You don't know what you are giving up, Buffy."

"Maybe, maybe I don't know. But I do know for sure that I can't give you up. Because I've tried."

Angel raised his head to look at her.

"Yes, a baby might be a dream come true," Buffy went on. "But it wouldn't be very realistic for me. Even with somebody else. And I wouldn't be happy with someone else. I know, because I tried that too. I wouldn't want a baby with someone else."

"I love you. And I only want the best for you," Angel said. "I don't want to leave. And I hate the thought of you being with someone else. And the thought of you having a baby with someone else… makes me sick," Angel said distressed. "But I feel so selfish for thinking those things. Because I can't give you children."

"Angel…"

"I can't help what I feel, Buffy. And what I am trying to say is that my feelings were what got us… you… into this mess." He gently placed his hand where she had been shot. "But it doesn't mean that I will act on those feeling, besides trying very hard to make you as happy as I can. Do you understand?"

Buffy just nodded. She wasn't sure if her voice would obey her.

"I am so sorry that you got hurt. I underestimated those ghosts. I got careless. We've already changed things. We need to be more cautious. We rely too much on what we know. But we've been dealt a complete new set of cards."

"Angel, it wasn't your fault. I got careless too. If someone could have known, it should have been me. You just had a guest appearance the first time around." Buffy could see that Angel was still upset. "But you are right, we need to be more careful."

"We just got really, really lucky this time."

"I know. But I'll be fine. I'll be dusting vamps again in no time. You'll see."

"How is your tongue?"

"My tongue?" Buffy asked confused. "It's fine."

"Good." Angel leaned forward and kissed her softly.

But Buffy wanted more. With her good arm, she pulled him closer. She was aware of how close she had come to dying yesterday. But she didn't let it on. Angel was already freaked enough for both of them.

When Angel broke the kiss, he asked, "Are we okay?"

Buffy smiled at him. "Yes." Then she looked at him intently, making sure she had his full attention. "I can't tell you what to feel. Just, please, believe me when I say that I am so much happier than I was last time."

* * *

That night, Buffy asked Giles to drive her home. She was determined to act like nothing had happened and to go to school on Monday. Neither Angel nor Giles were too happy about her decision but tried to support her as best as they could. Angel bandaged her foot, but she was still limping when she left.

When Buffy got home, she sneaked past her mom, wishing her a good night when she was already half up the stairs. And despite having slept for hours on end that day, she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

* * *

The next day at school during lunch break, Buffy went to the library in search of Giles.

Giles noticed immediately that she was unusually pale. "Buffy, how are you?"

Buffy was barely able to stand on her feet. "You don't happen to have some of those pain killers on you?"

"No, I am sorry. I didn't think about that." He looked Buffy over. "Buffy, you belong in bed."

She sat down but couldn't find a position she was comfortable with.

"That's it," Giles said. "This is foolish. You are coming with me." He took Buffy's arm and helped her up.

"Where are we going?"

"To the office. I am sending you home."

"You can't Giles. What am I gonna tell my mom?"

"Let me take care of that."

When they got to the office, Giles said to the secretary, "I have a sick student. She almost fainted in the library and needs to go home."

"I'll call her mother. She can pick her up," the secretary said.

"Her mother is really busy," Giles said.

"Um, yes, she has an important meeting today," Buffy added quickly. "She would have to close the gallery."

"I could bring her home," Giles offered. Before the secretary could do or say anything else, Giles grabbed the phone. "I'll call her to let her know. Buffy, would you be so nice to dial your mother's number at work, please?"

"Sure." She dialed her home number, knowing nobody would pick up.

"Hello, Mrs. Summer?" Giles said into the phone. "This is Mr. Giles, the librarian at your daughter's school. Buffy isn't feeling well. No, nothing serious. Yes, your daughter said you were busy. I could bring her home, if that is okay with you. Yes. Yes. No, it's no problem at all. Really, don't worry about it. You are welcome. Good bye."

"Well, I guess it's okay then," the secretary said and made a note. "I hope you are feeling better soon."

* * *

"Giles, I am impressed," Buffy said when she was sitting in Giles' car. "I didn't know you had it in you. But seriously, thank you."

"You shouldn't have gone to school in the first place," Giles said sternly. "It's not like you to be so eager to attend classes."

"And what should I have told my mom? 'I got accidentally hit by a bullet?' Or how about 'I sprained my ankle and it has spread through my whole body?' No, Giles, as long as I don't sneeze or cough or have a temperature she can measure, there is no way she would have let me stay at home."

"It might have been worth giving it a try."

"She doesn't trust me," Buffy said regretfully. "And who could blame her?" Suddenly Buffy realized that Giles wasn't taking her home. "Giles, where are we going?"

"I am taking you to Angel's place. I don't want you to be alone in your condition."

"It's the middle of the day. He'll be asleep. Just take me home. I'll be fine."

"No arguments. I'll ask Jenny to pick you up as soon as school is out."

* * *

When Angel opened his door and saw Buffy and Giles, he was instantly alarmed.

"I'm fine," Buffy said before Angel could say anything. She walked inside and headed for his bed. She desperately needed to lie down.

"She's not fine," Giles said.

"Did anything happen?" Angel asked Giles, but his eyes were following Buffy as she went over to his bed and lay down.

"No, she's just stubborn. She won't allow her body the time it needs to heal properly."

"I can still hear you," Buffy said.

"I have to get back to school," Giles said to Angel. "Maybe she'll listen to you."

* * *

Angel walked over to his bed and looked down at Buffy. "You are fine?" he asked skeptically, letting it show that he wasn't exactly pleased with her behavior.

"It's just those chairs. I couldn't have sat on those awful, uncomfortable chairs one more minute."

"You should have stayed at home today."

"Please, not you as well. I've already had this discussion with Giles. And I am too tired to have it a second time."

"Before you get some sleep, let me check your wound for an infection."

"Feels fine."

"Buffy, please, I'll be quick. I know you are tired and I will let you sleep afterwards."

While Angel checked the wound and changed the bandage, Buffy said, "I am sorry we woke you. I wasn't aware that Giles brought me here. I thought he would bring me home."

"He didn't want you to be alone. And neither do I."

"I never imagined that Giles would send me home, or that he would be such a great liar. You should have seen him in action."

"He's worried about you."

"I know. And without him I certainly would have gotten into trouble with Snyder. Now I just have to make sure that my mom doesn't find out."

* * *

"Buffy? Buffy where are you? Would you please get down here?" Joyce yelled when she got home.

"Hey, mom. How was your day?" Buffy asked from the top of the stairs.

"My day? I'll tell you. But would you get down here first?"

Carefully, and supporting herself on the handrail as inconspicuously as possible, Buffy came down the stairs. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Maybe you can tell me. Why did I get a phone call from your principal telling me to be a better mother?"

"What?" Damn Snyder, that pesky little nuisance!

"Principal Snyder called me and told me to pick you up myself the next time. He added that if I would spend more time with my daughter maybe you would be better behaved. Why didn't you tell me you were sick and went home?"

"I didn't want to bother you."

"First you are too late for school and now you are leaving school early. You said it wouldn't happen again. What is going on?"

"I just wasn't feeling well."

Joyce looked at her scrutinizingly. Buffy really didn't look too good. "Why did you lie? You told Mr. Giles I had a meeting so that he would take you home."

"Did you tell Snyder?" Buffy asked alarmed.

"That it was a lie? No. But why did you lie, Buffy? I would have picked you up." She took a step closer and tried to feel Buffy's temperature. But Buffy pushed her hand away.

"I don't have a fever. I just feel… not good. Can I please go to my room? I just want to lie down."

"So that you can sneak out?"

"Mom-"

"No, if you want to lie down, you can do that on the couch down here."

Buffy looked at her mother and then at the stairs. They didn't look very tempting anyway. So she went over to the couch and lay down. Within minutes she had fallen asleep.

When Joyce looked in on Buffy a while later she was surprised to find her fast asleep. She felt slightly bad for having mistrusted her. At a loss, Joyce looked down at her sleeping daughter. "Oh, Buffy, what is going on?"

TBC

* * *

_**Note: **The plan is to continue writing this story for a bit. Since I don't have so much time to write on a regular basis, it is quite time consuming to switch between stories. And the story is already outlined rather well for the next three episodes (i.e. the rest of season 2)._


	10. Go Fish

**Note**:

_Thanks for the many reviews! And thanks for being so patient with me. This was one of those chapters that was supposed to be shorter and then it took on a life of its own (so basically just like most of the DIA chapters). I know there are still many things to deal with (e.g. the curse), but I can only deal with one thing at a time. Besides, I have at least twenty-something more episodes to rewrite. Wouldn't want to run out of material too soon. By the way, if you are looking for fish monsters, you won't find them in here. ;-)_

_Quick recap:_

_The story starts after "As you were" (S6 of Buffy) and "Sleep tight" (S3 of Angel). Jenny's ghost sends Buffy and Angel back in time (right into season 2's "Surprise"). They remember everything that happened but don't tell the others. Knowing what would happen, they don't sleep with each other and Angel doesn't turn into Angelus. But the curse is still active. They try to use their knowledge of the future to change things for the better. Also, Jenny is still alive and gets together with Giles. In "Killed by Death" Jenny finds out that she is pregnant._

_During "I only have eyes for you" (Chapter 9) Buffy gets badly hurt. She gets shot by Angel, who is possessed by a ghost, and falls off the school building. Joyce is getting more and more suspicious of Buffy's behavior, thinking she skipped school again and catching her in a lie._

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Go Fish**

Buffy woke up screaming. She had dreamt she was trapped in her own body, possessed by James' ghost and falling off the school building.

"Buffy?" Joyce rushed into her daughter's room and turned on the light. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Um…nothing. Just a bad dream."

"That must have been a hell of a bad dream. Your scream probably woke the neighbors. Do you remember what the dream was about?"

"No. But I'm fine, mom. You can go back to bed."

"Well, okay then." She turned off the lights. Then she turned towards Buffy one more time. "But if you want to talk, I am here."

"Thanks, mom. Good night." Buffy lay back down and rubbed her shoulder. The wound had almost healed completely. In a few days she would be able to go back on patrol again. But the feeling of having been totally helpless was the thing she had to grapple with the most. Not having control over her body, over her life, over this new future was something that scared her. She knew why she was having this dream over and over again. She knew what it stood for. But the dreams still wouldn't stop. Buffy didn't want to accept that despite knowing what would or could happen she probably wouldn't be able to change everything.

* * *

When Buffy came back from school the next day, she found her mother in the kitchen. She put her books on the table and sat down.

"How was school?"

"The usual. For how long am I grounded?"

"I haven't decided yet. Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes. You can use the time to get started on your homework." Joyce pointed at the books. Suddenly, something caught her eye. A piece of paper was sticking out from between the pages. Joyce pulled the paper free. "Buffy, that's a B. You got a B on your history test?"

"Um, yes."

Joyce looked at Buffy questioningly. "You skipped school twice recently and you were down with the flu."

"So?" Buffy herself had been surprised when she had gotten the test back.

"You miss school and your grades improve?"

"Well..."

"Seems like the tutoring is finally showing some results."

"Yes, the tutoring, that's probably it." Buffy grabbed her books. "Well, I guess I am gonna go study some more then."

"Are you paying him to tutor you?"

"What?"

"Angel, your tutor. I guess you are not paying him, right?"

"No."

"Buffy, he is so much older than you. Why do you think he is helping you?"

"Because he wants to help somebody who's not very good at history?"

"Sweetie, I think he might try to take advantage of you."

"He is not!"

"Buffy…"

"No, mom!" How could she convince her mother that Angel was a decent guy? "How about the next time we meet for studying we meet here so you can judge for yourself, since you don't trust my judgment."

"Actually, I think that's a good idea. I'd like to get to know the guy a little better who spends so much time with my daughter that her history grades improve."

Suddenly Buffy's own idea didn't sound that appealing to her anymore.

* * *

Buffy was in her room when Angel came by that night. He sat down on the windowsill. "Not much happening out there."

Buffy sighed. "Good. And thanks for taking over while I am grounded."

"No problem. Besides, as long as that shoulder hasn't fully healed you are not going on patrol anyway."

"It's not fair to get grounded for saving the world. Well, okay, maybe not the whole world this time, just the school."

"You won't be grounded forever."

"Who knows. But," Buffy jumped up and got something, "look, I got a B on my history test. My mom was thrilled."

"That's great. So you do still remember some of the material."

"Seems like it. But of course my mom doesn't know that. She thinks the credit belongs to you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you are my tutor, remember?"

Angel just nodded.

"I want to tell my mom about us," Buffy said suddenly.

"Do you think that is a good idea?"

"She is asking too many questions already. I don't want to go behind her back anymore, at least not more than absolutely necessary. I want to do this differently."

"I see you point," Angel said thoughtfully. "But we only tell her the dating part for now, right?" He wasn't really against telling Joyce about their relationship. And he knew it meant a lot to Buffy and would hopefully make her life easier. But Angel also saw it as a step closer to telling Joyce about him being a vampire. And that was something he was definitely not keen on.

"Yeah, I guess I shouldn't expose her to everything at once." Buffy knew it was inevitable to tell her mom about slaying and Angel being a vampire. But telling her everything at the same time might be too much. Besides, each bit of news would be a challenge of its own. And she hoped that if her mom didn't find out right away about Angel being a vampire, she might actually come to like him before Buffy would have to tell her the whole truth. "My mom expects you to come over during the next couple of days so she can get to know you a little better," Buffy said.

"What have you told her so far?"

"Hardly anything. But she thinks you are my way older tutor who is trying to take advantage of me. I told her you weren't and she didn't believe me. I didn't know what else to say so I told her to judge for herself. At least this time she won't think you are a stalker. Sure, she won't like the age difference, but she'll get over it."

* * *

"So, Angel, what exactly are you doing?" Joyce asked.

"He's a college student," Buffy said.

"Buffy, I think he can answer for himself." Addressing Angel, Joyce went on, "What classes are you taking?"

"History."

"And besides that?"

"This and that. I am interested in a lot of things." Angel felt bad about lying to Joyce, but the alternative would be to tell her the truth. And just like Buffy, he wasn't quite ready for that yet.

"And what do you want to do after college?"

"I am not sure yet."

"You must have some idea."

"It's a difficult choice," Angel said evasively.

"That's right. But tell me, Angel, do you think it's okay for Buffy to skip school?"

"Mom!"

"You are going to college. I would expect you to understand how important her education is."

"I assure you, Mrs. Summers, I would never let Buffy skip school, if that's what you are thinking."

"Let me?" Buffy asked and looked at Angel incredulously.

"I am glad to hear that," Joyce said. "Do you have a job, besides tutoring for free? Or is that an exclusive arrangement with Buffy?"

"Mom!"

"No, I don't," Angel said calmly. "I don't have much free time."

"And still you chose to help Buffy."

"Giles asked him," Buffy said. "He knows I am a hopeless case when it comes to history stuff."

"So you just agreed?" Joyce asked, addressing Angel.

"Giles told me that Buffy had to change schools. I know how hard it can be to start all over. Everybody deserves a second chance."

"Well, yes, I guess." Angel's answer seemed to appease Joyce a little bit.

They were all quiet for a while. Buffy used the time to organize her thoughts. This wasn't going how she had anticipated.

Then, Buffy's mother asked out of the blue, "Are you trying to take advantage of her? Because, if I may remind you, she is only seventeen."

"Mom!"

Angel put a hand on Buffy's arm in an attempt to calm her. But Buffy went on. "That's enough!" She had been waiting for the right moment to tell her mother that they were a couple. But this was getting completely out of control. "Mom, we are dating."

"Dating? What do you mean by dating?"

"As in like a couple."

"And when did you want to tell me?" Joyce asked sternly.

"Tonight."

Joyce noticed Angel's hand on Buffy's arm and that they were wearing similar rings. She looked closer. They weren't just similar; they were almost identical except for the size. "And how long has this been going on?"

Buffy looked at Angel. She was tempted to shock her mother with the truth, that it had been years by now, according to their calculation of time. "A while," Buffy said noncommittally, hoping her mother wouldn't press the issue any further.

But Joyce's face showed clearly that she was not happy with that answer. But she wasn't sure if she really wanted to hear the answer to that question. Then her eyes fell on the matching rings again. It was one thing to give a ring to a girl as a gift, but for the guy to wear a matching one himself showed quite a bit of commitment. "Oh, God… have you… already…?"

"Mom, that's none of your business!"

"You are seventeen, Buffy. It is my business."

Buffy took a deep breath. She wasn't really seventeen and it was ridiculous that they had to defend something that had only happened once - in another time line - and would never ever happen again, not in this time line and probably not in any other time line. Pity she couldn't tell her mother that they would never ever sleep with each other since it would mean the beginning of the end of the world.

"Mrs. Summers, I assure I would never take advantage of Buffy."

"How comforting," Joyce said sarcastically.

"Maybe I should go," Angel offered and stood up.

"Wait," Buffy said, "we wanted to study, remember?" She wouldn't give in now. She wanted to send a clear sign to her mother that this was not the end of it.

"Maybe another day," Angel said and started to leave.

"No, wait," Joyce said. "I apologize. I was a bit harsh. Please, stay. I appreciate you helping Buffy. It really improved her grades." The idea of Angel leaving did appeal to Joyce. But if they stayed here at the house she could at least keep an eye on them.

* * *

Angel and Buffy went up to her room. Buffy closed the door and sat down on her bed. "Well, what do you think? Out of a scale of 1 to 10? Minus 5?"

"It can't have been worse than last time," Angel pointed out.

"No, not really." Buffy admitted. Last time had been a pure nightmare. "Well, it's done now anyway." She exhaled deeply and rubbed her shoulder absent-mindedly.

"While I am here, let me check your wound."

Buffy quickly dropped her hand. "It's fine. It's completely closed already."

"Please, let me check." It wasn't just the gesture just now that had drawn his attention. He had observed how her movements were still slightly off. They weren't quite as smooth as usual. Maybe she was just careful. But maybe she was trying to hide her real condition from him.

"I'm fine."

"Really? Then why are you still wearing those rather conservative tops?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Angel just gave her a penetrating look. He knew it was just an attempt to distract him from his real objective. And it made him even more suspicious.

"Fine," Buffy said annoyed and opened the top buttons of her shirt.

Angel inspected her shoulder closely. Carefully he touched the spot where the bullet had entered her shoulder. Buffy didn't even flinch.

"See. Everything's fine. It's just still a little bit red. That's why I am wearing these shirts," Buffy said defensively.

"I'm sorry," Angel said and placed a kiss on her pouting lips as a peace offering. "I was just worried that you were downplaying your-"

"Buffy, you left your book-" Joyce came into Buffy's room without knocking. When she saw Angel and Buffy she almost dropped the book she was holding. "What is going on here?"

"Mom!" Buffy quickly pulled her shirt back over her shoulder. "Can't you knock?"

"You will leave immediately," Joyce said to Angel.

"Mom, it's not what it looks like."

Joyce crossed her arms. "Really?"

"I…," Buffy started but she couldn't possibly tell her mother what they had really been doing. Whether she liked it or not she would have to let her mother believe that she had interrupted them making out.

"That's what I thought. You are grounded."

"Again?"

"And you," she looked at Angel, "don't even bother coming to visit her."

Angel gave Buffy a sympathetic look. Then he left without another word.

"Studying? That's what you call studying?" Joyce asked outraged.

"Mom, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down. You hide things from me. You lie to me. How can you expect me to calm down?"

"Mom, Angel and I-"

"You are grounded."

"I know." Buffy refrained from pointing out that her mother had already grounded her several times by now.

"You had a guy in your room, a very much older guy, and you were… well… I don't know what exactly your intentions were, but that… Buffy, you are only seventeen."

Buffy just sighed. Her mother obviously didn't want to hear any explanations. This night had gone from bad to worse.

Joyce rubbed the bridge of her nose and leaned against the door frame. After taking a deep breath, she said in a slightly calmer voice, "Honey, I am just worried about you. I don't want you to do something you might regret later on."

"Believe me, I won't."

Joyce sat down on Buffy's bed. "You don't know what you are talking about. You are still young. One day, when you meet the right person, you'll wish you had waited."

"Mom-"

"He is so much older than you. You can't possibly have much in common. College students… they - and I am not saying Angel is one of them – but they sometimes only see it as a sport to seduce a girl."

"He is not trying to seduce me!"

"You might not even be aware of it."

This was getting from awkward to outright frustrating. "He is not taking advantage of me. And I am not a brainless blonde. I know when a guy is hitting on me and having ulterior motives. Believe me, high school is full of those guys. But Angel is not one of those guys."

"Yeah, that's why he was stripping my daughter-"

"He wasn't!"

"Don't take me for a fool, Buffy."

"He is a decent guy," Buffy insisted, knowing she didn't have anything to back this up with right now.

Joyce just looked doubtful at her daughter.

"You are not even giving him a chance. You don't know him at all and you have already made up your mind."

"Well, why did you lie to me about him in the first place, if you think he is such a terrific guy?"

"Because I knew you would react like this."

"I just don't want you to rush into something. I don't want you to get hurt. One day the right person will come along."

"Mom…"

Joyce stroked her daughter's cheek. "Just think about what I said, okay? That's all I ask." She stood up and was about to leave.

"What if he is the right person?" Buffy asked.

"You only think that now. But you will regret it later. I don't want that for you."

"Let's say you are right. How would I know that someone is the right person?"

"Well, for starters you would have to know him longer than a few months."

Would five years be enough, Buffy wanted to ask her mother. But instead she said, "I just want you to give him a chance."

"Well, as long as you are grounded, you won't see him."

"I'd wait for him forever," Buffy mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

"You still grounded?" Angel asked Buffy when he came by a few days later.

"Yes. And she's checking on me all the time."

"Don't worry about patrol. Everything is under control."

"I know. I'm just getting cabin fever. I have to get out of here soon or I'll go mad."

"Be patient."

Buffy pouted. "I hate being patient."

"I know. I guess I should better go before I get you in even more trouble."

"I miss you." She leaned forward and kissed him.

"I miss you too.

* * *

When Buffy came home from school, she tried to get to her room as fast as possible, without running into her mother. She had hurt her arm in a battle with a fish monster. Another perfectly good shirt had been ruined. She needed to change before her mother saw her like that. At dinner, Buffy wore a loose sweater that concealed the bandage around arm and Joyce was none the wiser.

But the next morning when they were having breakfast, Joyce accidentally bumped into her daughter. Caught by surprise Buffy couldn't help but wince and clutched her arm.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"It's nothing."

"Let me see."

Buffy took a step backwards.

"Buffy? What's wrong?"

"I just hurt my arm at school yesterday."

"At school?" Joyce asked skeptically.

"Yes. I bumped into an open locker."

"A locker?" Joyce asked with raised eyebrows. "And you didn't mention it before because...?"

"It's nothing. It wasn't worth mentioning."

"Buffy, does Angel hit you?"

"What? No!"

"When did you even see him? You are still grounded."

"Angel did not hit me!"

Suddenly all the times Buffy had come home with bruises or limping came to her mind. "Buffy, some guys try to make a girl feel like-"

"No, mom! Stop! He did not hit me."

"Then what happened to your arm?"

"I hurt it at school."

"Then let me see."

"No, it's nothing." Buffy grabbed her books and made hastily for the door. "Gotto go to school."

"Buffy!"

But Buffy had already fled the house.

* * *

"Giles, you have to help me," Buffy said when she came into the library. "You have to vouch for Angel. You have to tell my mom that you recommended Angel as my tutor."

"Buffy, I can't lie to your mom," Giles said outraged.

"Why not? You expect me to do it every time I sneak out of my bedroom to go on patrol."

"Um… yeah, I guess, but…"

"Giles, she thinks Angel hit me."

"What?"

"Because of my fight with the fish monster. Ever since I told her about Angel she pays a lot more attention to what I do. Before, she mostly ignored everything that could have hinted at my slaying activities. But now she attributes everything bad or suspicious to Angel."

"I see."

"Giles, please."

"I'll think about it."

* * *

But before Giles could talk to Joyce, the situation got even worse when Buffy tried to sneak out to go on patrol and was caught by her mother. She wasn't grounded anymore, but Joyce had enforced a strict curfew.

"Where do you think you are going at this hour?"

"I…" Buffy stammered.

"You will not go and see Angel. I am so disappointed in you."

"I was not going to see Angel, mom."

"Really?"

Buffy sighed. No matter what excuse she would come up with, her mother would never believe her anyway.

"I really don't know what to do with you anymore," Joyce said dejectedly.

* * *

"Hey," Angel said from the window.

"Hey."

"I guess you couldn't get away?" Angel asked. They had wanted to meet up for patrol earlier. But Buffy hadn't shown up.

"Mom caught me trying to sneak out. Of course she assumed that I was trying to meet you."

"Don't you trust my slaying skills?" Angel asked teasingly, trying to cheer her up.

"Things can't go on like this," Buffy said seriously.

"What do you want to do?"

"I need to tell my mom about slaying," Buffy said. "Sneaking around her back is taking up more and more of my energy. Ever since I told her about you she has taken an active interest in where I spend my time, when I leave, when I come back, how disheveled I look."

"It'll be a shock at first, but she'll find out some day anyway."

"Yes, and this time I want to be the one who decides when and how." This time she would go into that talk prepared, very well prepared. Last time she'd had to choose between explaining everything to her mom or saving the world from Acathla. Needless to say, she had been pressed for time and the result had been accordingly. "Maybe I should put all the cards on the table at once", Buffy mused. "Just get it over and done with."

"What do you mean?" Angel asked apprehensively.

"Well, you know, everything."

"You mean about me being a vampire?"

"Yes."

"I'd rather we wait with that. It might be too much at once." Angel wanted to postpone telling Joyce about this particular aspect of his character as long as possible.

"That was my reasoning as well. But we'll have to tell her eventually. And I am so sick and tired of lying to her. Besides, if I only tell her parts of the truth now, she might never gonna trust me again. I've always felt bad about lying to her. I mean… I guess at one point it became a habit and I didn't even think about it anymore. But now we are constantly fighting and knowing what I know now… that she might… die… I don't want to fight with her."

"I understand," Angel said. "Do what you need to do. If you want some backup, I'm there for you."

"Thanks, but I think we need some additional reinforcements." It would be a great comfort to have Angel around when she told her mother. But since Joyce wouldn't be very likely to believe anything Buffy or Angel would say, they needed more credible witnesses.

* * *

"Do you really think it's necessary to tell your mother?" Giles asked.

"Yes, I do. I can't do my job anymore. Angel had to take over patrol for me because my mom won't let me out of the house."

"I see."

"Besides, she needs to know what is out there, Giles. I can't protect her all the time and I want her to be careful."

"Well, I guess-"

"Giles, I don't need your permission to tell my mom. I am just asking for your help."

* * *

Buffy had been jumpy all night. She had asked Angel, Giles, Willow and Xander to come over some time after dinner. Actually, she hadn't asked Xander, but he had insisted on coming along. And didn't they say there was strength in numbers?

"Buffy, is everything okay?" Joyce asked.

"Yes."

"You seem a little tense."

"Well, yes, I am. A little bit." Buffy took a deep breath. "Mom, I need to talk to you."

"Sure, Buffy, about what?"

"About what's been happening the last few months or so."

"Oh, I am so glad you finally want to talk about this. You can tell me anything. I'll try to be not judgmental."

"Um… I think that's gonna be harder than you think."

"Buffy, I have read a lot of books and articles about parenting." Joyce sat down on the couch. "So tell me."

"Actually, I am still waiting for some people." Buffy was pacing up and down the room.

"What people?"

"My friends."

"Moral support? I guess that's okay."

When there was a knock at the door, Buffy almost ran to open it. "You guys took your time."

"Well, you should be glad we are here already," Willow said. "Had it been up to Xander we would have stopped to get some popcorn."

Buffy looked incredulously at Xander. Then she asked, "Where's Angel?"

"Didn't see him," Xander said. "We thought he was already here."

They all went into the living room.

"Mr. Giles," Joyce said surprised. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Well… yes… um…"

"Please, have a seat."

"Thank you." Looking at Buffy he asked, "Should we wait for Angel?"

As if on cue, there was another knock at the door. It was Angel. "Sorry, I had to… um… take care of some… things."

The others had all taken a seat. Angel preferred to stay in the background and Buffy was too nervous to sit down. They were all quiet for a while, nobody knowing what to say or how to start.

"Are you doing drugs?" Joyce asked suddenly.

"What? Drugs? No."

"Then what is it you want to tell me?"

"I know you won't believe what I am about to tell you. That's why I asked the others to be here as well, kinda as my witnesses." She took a deep breath. "There is no easy way to say this, so I am just gonna go ahead and say it. Mom, I am a vampire slayer."

"What? You are a what?" Joyce asked confused.

"I am a vampire slayer. I kill vampires and other demons."

Joyce just looked at her daughter not sure if this was a joke or if she had gone crazy. Then she looked at the others in the room and they all looked very serious. "I don't understand."

"Remember Darla?"

"Darla? The girl who helped you with history?"

"Yes. Well, she only pretended to help me with history."

"Really?" Joyce gave Angel a disapproving look.

"Remember how you thought you had fallen and cut yourself? That's not what happened. Darla was a vampire and she bit you."

"What?"

"Remember parent-teacher night? Remember the people that stormed the school?"

"Sure."

"Those were vampires as well."

"Vampires?" Joyce repeated skeptically.

"Yes. And all those other strange things that have been happening around here, have you never wondered what exactly is going on? When we had that Mexican exchange student for example?"

"She was a vampire?"

"No, she wasn't. She was a mummy."

"A mummy?" Joyce asked doubtfully, obviously not believing one word Buffy was saying.

Buffy looked at Giles for help.

"Um… Mrs. Summers, everything Buffy just told you is the truth," Giles said. "Vampires and demons are real. And Buffy has been chosen to fight against them. She is the Chosen One, the Slayer. And, by the way, she is doing a very good job." He looked at Buffy affectionately. "And that job usually requires complete secrecy." He looked at Xander and Willow. "Well, in Buffy's case, not quite as much secrecy as is common. But besides a very small group of people, nobody can know that Buffy is the Slayer. But lately, she feels that her job as a Slayer is causing some problems at home."

"Mr. Giles, are you drunk?"

"No, I am certainly not."

"Then why are you encouraging such a preposterous story?"

"I assure you, these are no stories."

"I can understand that Willow and Xander would go along with this in order to back up Buffy's attempt to explain her recent behavior with these outrageous excuses. But you are the school librarian."

"I am also Buffy's Watcher. I am responsible for her training and guidance."

"And you are also doing a very good job," Buffy added.

"Oh… um… thanks," Giles said, slightly overwhelmed by the unexpected compliment. "Not at the moment though. This is harder than I thought."

"Really, Mrs. Summers," Willow tried. "Buffy is telling the truth."

"Yes," Xander added, "we wouldn't make up something like this. I almost flunked my creative writing class last year."

"Mom, think about it. Doesn't it all make at least a little bit of sense to you?"

"Vampires? Mummies? Demons?"

"My bloody clothes? Me trying to sneak out at night?"

"You went to meet Angel."

"No, I go and hunt vampires."

"Buffy, I don't know. This all sounds so… so… Those are just stories," Joyce said.

"It's more than just stories," Giles said. "But it's what most people chose to believe, because it's easier than dealing with the truth."

"Angel?" Buffy looked at him meaningfully.

Angel shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Buffy."

"What's not a good idea?" Joyce asked.

"Um… well… a display of… my slaying skills," Buffy improvised.

Angel gave her a thankful look.

"And I need Angel to help me with that. I'll be right back." Buffy went into the kitchen and came back with a knife.

"Buffy, what do you want with that knife?" Joyce asked with a worried expression.

Buffy handed the knife to Angel. "Throw it at me." Then she walked to the other end of the living room. "Ready."

"Anywhere in particular?" Angel asked.

"Surprise me."

"Buffy, what are you doing?"

Despite having absolute confidence in Buffy's skills, it cost Angel some effort to throw the knife at her. The short distance through the living room wouldn't give her much time to react. Angel made eye contact with Buffy, making sure that she was really focused and ready. Her eyes were calm and full of determination. Angel threw the knife. Effortlessly, Buffy caught the blade between the palms of her hands.

Joyce's face had lost all color.

"Do you believe me now?"

"That was… unbelievable. How did you do that?"

"I have very good reflexes. I am also very strong."

"Yeah, she can throw a vampire across half a dozen graves," Xander added. "It's really cool."

"Xander!" Willow admonished

"And I heal very fast," Buffy went on.

"How long… since when…?" Joyce asked.

"Since shortly before we left LA."

"Did those vampires follow you from LA to Sunnydale?" Joyce asked.

"No, they are everywhere."

"Are you all Slayers?" Joyce asked, looking at the others.

"No, there is just one Slayer," Willow said.

"We are just the slayerettes," Xander added. "We just help whenever we can."

"And you?" Joyce asked Angel, "are you really her tutor or are you… I don't know…"

"He helps me slay," Buffy said quickly.

"Do you have special powers like Buffy?" That throw had been quite impressive as well.

"No, not like Buffy," Angel said. "She is special."

"I see." Joyce let everything sink in for a moment. Then she asked, "Anything else I should know?" She couldn't imagine that there was anything more. But when everybody was doing their best to avoid eye contact with her, Joyce got the feeling that they were still hiding something from her. "There is more, isn't there?"

"Um… not really," Buffy said.

"Then why is everybody looking like they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar?"

"We are not," Buffy said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Buffy!" Joyce looked sternly at her daughter.

"Why not tell her?" Xander asked. "She'll find out eventually anyway."

"Find out what?" Joyce asked, starting to get angry.

Buffy gave Angel as questioning look. But he shook his head, almost unnoticeably, pleading with his eyes.

"Oh, come on," Xander said. "Now that she knows about vampires it won't take long until she figures out that Angel is one too."

The whole room fell completely silent. Everybody, without exception, looked totally shocked at Xander.

"Ops." Xander grinned sheepishly. "But hey-"

"Xander!" Buffy yelled in order to shut him up.

"Hey, you wanted to tell your mom about the slaying. Not telling her that your boyfriend is one of the creatures you are supposed to kill is rather hypocritical."

"Maybe, but it was not your decision to make," Buffy said with an icy stare.

Angel had moved even further away from the group. Buffy joined him and reached for his hand.

Joyce looked on confused between Buffy, Angel and Xander. "Buffy? I don't understand…"

Buffy gave Angel an apologizing look, but there was nothing she could do anymore to prevent this. She turned towards her mother. "It's true. But he is a good vampire."

Joyce just looked at her daughter cluelessly.

"He fights on our side."

"He's a… a vampire?"

"Yes, but he has a soul."

"A soul?" Joyce looked completely lost.

Giles took over. "Other vampires kill humans. Angel doesn't. He has a conscience. He is rather unique in that regard. He is fighting against evil, just like us."

"Why are you different?" Joyce addressed Angel directly.

"Let's not make everything even more complicated than it already is," Buffy said quickly.

Joyce actually liked that suggestion. Her head was spinning already.

"What's so complicated?" Xander asked. "Some gypsies cursed him with a soul because he-"

"Xander!" Buffy yelled, starting to lose her patience with him.

"Gypsies? Curse?" Joyce asked overwhelmed.

"Okay, I get it," Xander said meekly. "Some other time then."

"Maybe we should leave now," Giles suggested and stood up. "Let's give Buffy and her mother some time alone to talk." He specifically looked at Xander as he said this.

Buffy accompanied them to the door. Everyone left and when Angel made no sign of lingering, Buffy clasped his hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"You sure? Cause you don't look okay."

"It's nothing."

"I'm sorry. I know it wasn't planned that way."

Angel shrugged his shoulders. "She seems to be taking it rather well."

"Yes, a lot better than last time. Actually, it's been a breeze compared to last time." Buffy wanted to talk some more, but she had to get back to her mother.

* * *

When Buffy came back into the living room, Joyce was still sitting on the couch. She seemed to be deep in thought. Buffy took a deep breath before she sat down opposite her. She tried to prepare herself what would come next. Last time her mother had yelled at her, had demanded of her to stop slaying. Buffy was determined not to take it personally and be as understanding as possible.

"Mom, I know this is a shock. You'll need time to process this. And if you have any questions, I'll try to answer them. But don't try to talk me out of it, because if I could stop, I would. But it's simply never gonna happen."

"But it's dangerous."

"Yes, it is."

"Why you?"

"Good question. Somebody has to do it. But why exactly me? I can't tell you. Destiny? Or maybe a sick sense of humor? Maybe by accident. I don't know. But I am pretty good at what I do. And I have friends who help me." Carefully she added, "And Angel."

"Good, good," Joyce said absent-mindedly, still trying to process everything.

"Mom, about Angel, about what you saw a while ago when you came into my room without knocking. That was just… I got hurt a while back and he was just checking the wound."

"Oh," Joyce said, not feeling much better knowing the reason why Angel had seen her daughter half-naked. "How did you get hurt?"

"Um…"

"If you think I won't worry if you don't tell me, you are so wrong."

"I got shot," Buffy said hesitantly.

"Shot? But I thought… well… vampires just bite, right? But I guess they take advantage of technology."

"No, actually, they don't. Luckily, vampires are really old-fashioned. It was a ghost. And usually there are no guns involved." But other nasty weapons and spells. But her mom would find that out soon enough. She didn't want to overwhelm her completely.

"Oh, good, I guess…" Joyce thought about it for a moment. She was curious about this ghost thing, but afraid of the answers. "And you got shot why?"

"Um, I was kinda in the way. It didn't quite work out as we had planned."

"I thought you said you have friends and Angel who watch out for you?"

"They do. But ultimately it's my job. It's my responsibility. Willow, Xander and the others already take too many risks as it is."

"And Angel? He is a vampire. He can't be shot, right? Where was he?"

"Mom, it wasn't his fault." Buffy was certainly not going to tell her mom that Angel had been possessed by a ghost and had shot at her.

"I'm sorry. But just the thought of you… being out there and fighting all those… things on your own."

"I can take care of myself. And I am not all on my own. In that regard I am probably the luckiest Slayer in history. Normally, a Slayer is supposed to work all on her own. She is not allowed to tell anybody."

"Why not?"

"Don't ask me. It's in the Slayer handbook, which Giles never gave me. But the point I am trying to make is that it helps me to have people knowing about what I do. And they support me whenever they can. They help with the research. They give me moral support. But it's my job to kill the baddie."

"And what exactly is Angel's job?"

"Um… well… he made it his mission to kill as many vampires as possible."

"What did Xander mean before when he mentioned… what was it… gypsies?"

Buffy silently cursed Xander. She had hoped to postpone at least this part of Angel's history for a while longer. Therefore, she had not thought about how to break this to her mother. She'd have to improvise. "Well, Angel used to be a vampire like every other vampire. But that was a long time ago. One day he came across some gypsies who cursed him with a soul."

"I still don't understand what that means."

Buffy was glad that her mother chose to focus on the what, not on the why. "When somebody is turned into a vampire, that person loses his soul. He becomes a remorseless demon. Since Angel got his soul back he hasn't harmed a single person. But he remembers everything his demon did while his soul was gone. He despises what he is. He tries to make up for all the bad things Angelus did-"

"Angelus?"

"Um, that's what we call the demon."

"He's got a name?"

"Yes. That's the name he was known by. Anyway," Buffy went on quickly, "Angel tries to make up for all the things his demon did. Even though it wasn't his fault. He couldn't do anything about it, because his soul was gone. But since he can remember everything that happened, he still feels extremely guilty about it." Buffy watched her mother closely, wanting to see if she was able to follow everything.

"That must be horrible. Gives a whole new meaning to a tortured soul."

Inwardly, Buffy sighed with relief. It was the first time her mother had shown anything close to sympathy for Angel.

"But he is still a vampire, right?"

"Yes."

"I mean, does he… drink blood?"

"He gets it from the blood bank. He'd never harm a human being."

"I see."

They were quiet for a while and Buffy hoped that this question and answer session was over for now. But she had no such luck.

"But if… I mean… what if he can't get any blood from the blood bank? What if he gets… thirsty?"

"Mom, it's not like in the movies. He can control it. He doesn't need blood to survive. It just weakens him. And I have never met anyone who has as much self-control as Angel." Buffy wasn't just thinking of his ability to control his need for blood, but also his ability to abstain from consummating their relationship.

"Oh, good."

"Mom, you don't have to worry. He'd never harm anyone. And he'd never hurt me." Then she added with a heavy heart, "He'd rather die."

"That's… that sounds, well, like quite a commitment."

"Like I said, he made it his mission to protect as many humans from his own kind as possible."

"I meant, that's quite a commitment to you." Joyce looked pointedly at Buffy. "He'd rather die than hurting you? That's what you meant, wasn't it?"

Her mother had picked a hell of a time to start paying attention to details. Besides, Buffy had been prepared to justify the slaying, not her relationship with Angel. But at the moment that seemed to be all her mother was interested in.

"How long exactly has this been going on?"

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, trying to feign ignorance.

"You and Angel."

"When I said you can ask me anything you want I meant about slaying."

"Buffy, I want to know. How long have you and Angel been together?"

"Well, that's hard to say." Very hard, Buffy thought. In this timeline? In the previous timeline? In the previous timeline plus this timeline? Just thinking about it confused even her.

"When did you two start seeing each other?"

"Seeing? As in…?" She could definitely remember exactly the first time she had seen him: in that dark alley. But it wasn't the first time he had seen her.

"When did you two start going out?"

"Going out?" Had they ever even gone on a real date, a normal date that didn't involve some kind of vampire or demon hunting, a stake-out at the cemetery or at least a training session?

"Buffy?"

"Well, I guess you could say we've been seeing each other for…" Buffy tried to think.

Her mother was losing her patience. "Buffy!"

"Okay, okay, for about half a year." Angel had finally started getting serious around that Halloween incident.

"Half a year?" Joyce wasn't sure if she should be relieved or angry. Six months was a long time considering she'd had no idea whatsoever that her daughter had been in a relationship. But considering how confident and at ease Angel and Buffy had seemed with each other the few times she'd had a chance to observe them together, she wouldn't have been surprised if it had been going on for a lot longer than six months.

"Mom, there's something else we have to talk about."

"There's more?" Joyce asked aghast.

"No, not what you think," Buffy said quickly. "I just meant that there are some things you need to know about vampires, things to keep you safe."

"Like what?"

"Well, for one thing, never invite anybody you don't know into the house. Vampires can't enter unless they are invited. Once they have been invited they can enter whenever they want, although there is a spell to reverse that. But one time might already be one too many." Buffy saw her mother's alarmed expression. "I don't want to scare you unnecessarily. But you simply have to know these things."

"Okay," Joyce said apprehensively, wary of the things that were still to come.

"Vampires only come out when it's dark," Buffy went on. "They don't like crosses or holy water. It'll keep most of them at bay. They can only be killed by putting a wooden stake through their heart, by burning them or by beheading them."

"Beheading?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God." The way Buffy said all this so matter-of-factly was surreal. But at the same time it slowly made Joyce realize that all this was real and not some sick joke or a dream she would wake up from. "You are really serious, aren't you?"

"Yes, very serious."

"Is there… more?" Joyce asked cautiously.

"No, I think that should do for now. Why don't you try to get some sleep? We can talk some more tomorrow."

"I don't know if I'll be able to sleep after this."

"Don't worry. We are safe here. And I won't let anything bad happen to you."

Joyce gave her a lopsided smile. "I am the adult here."

"I know. But I do need you. You have no idea how much I still need you in my life," Buffy said, close to tears. "And all this must appear to you like I was trying to shut you out. But I wasn't. I just didn't know how to tell you. When I first found out, I had a hard time accepting it myself. And then the whole thing just took on a life of its own." Buffy quickly brushed away the tears that were forming in her eyes.

Joyce gave her daughter a sympathetic smile. "I guess we both had a long day."

Buffy just nodded.

"Well, okay then. I'll go to bed." Joyce stood up. "Will you go to bed too or will you… do you have to…?"

"Go on patrol? No, I'll stay in tonight."

"Okay, sleep well."

"You too. And mom?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

"I wish you would have told me sooner. But I appreciate you telling me now. I really do. I was really worried about what was going on." Joyce didn't like the result very much and it was beyond anything she had ever imagined. She wasn't even sure if she understood it all yet. But at least now she knew what was going on. Not having the slightest clue about what had been going on with Buffy had made her feel so helpless and left out. Maybe in the morning everything would seem clearer already, if she could get some sleep at all after this.

* * *

Buffy lay awake on her bed for a long time, going over the events of the night. On the whole, everything had gone pretty well. She could have hardly wished for a better outcome. Of course this could have been just the quiet before the storm. Her mother had clearly been overwhelmed by everything she had been told. Once she had some time to think everything through that's when the real problems might start to arise.

"Hey." Angel leaned through the open window.

"Hey, I didn't expect to see you so soon again."

Angel came in and sat down on Buffy's bed. The room was dark, but of course that was no obstacle for Angel. "I happened to walk by here after patrol and noticed you were still awake."

"You noticed?"

"Your breathing and heartbeat were by far too fast for sleeping."

"You could hear that from the street?"

"Well, maybe I made a little detour beneath your window and saw that it was open."

"Well, maybe I left it open in case you happened to walk by."

Angel could see her smile in the darkness. He was glad to see her in relatively good spirits. "How did it go after we left?"

"Not bad. She just needs time."

"Understandable."

Buffy took Angel's hand. Although her eyes had adapted to the darkness, she couldn't see his face since he had his back to the scant rays of light that made it through the window into her room. "I am sorry about earlier. I know you are not very comfortable in your vampire face. It's just… my mom wouldn't believe me and that…"

"Upset you?"

"Yes. I mean, I lied to her so many times, I can't really blame her. But now I am telling the truth and of course she doesn't believe me, at least not without proof."

"I understand. And you are right. I am not very comfortable around people in my vampire face. But I just didn't think that introducing your mother to me being a vampire that way would have been a good idea. Convincing, yes, but not really advantageous for us."

"Probably."

"And you did come up with a better plan. That was quite an impressive demonstration you put on back there."

"You mean I haven't lost my touch?"

"On the contrary." He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. "But next time, maybe you could come up with something that doesn't involve me throwing a knife at you."

"So you did have doubts?" Buffy asked.

"No, or I would have never thrown that knife at you."

"Well, rest assured that I don't intend to do anything like this again. Once is enough."

"Twice, you mean."

"Oh, yeah, right. Although they say the third time is the charm."

"Well, not in our case. This is it."

"Yes, this is it. Now or never."

* * *

Buffy was about to go on patrol. It felt strange using the stairs instead of the window. Her mother was sitting in the living room and watching TV.

"Mom, I'm going on patrol."

"Oh, okay. When will you be back?"

"I don't know. And actually, I wanted to stay at Angel's tonight, if you don't mind." Buffy needed to get out of this house. Her mother was starting to drive her crazy. Her mother would either ask one question after the other or she was deep in thought, remaining absolutely quiet. The latter only made Buffy jittery, but answering her mother's questions was rather exhausting at times. Buffy knew that her mother was only trying to put all the information together, like pieces of a puzzle. She tried to be patient. A lot of the questions were only asked out of simple curiosity. Some indicated motherly concern. But some questions were laced with accusations and they were starting to wear her down and test her patience.

"You mean spending the night?" Joyce asked.

"Yes. I haven't seen him much lately."

"Um, I don't think that's such a good idea, Buffy."

"Mom, I…," Buffy shortly considered if she should tell her mother, but she had made a resolve that she wouldn't lie to her mother anymore unless it was absolutely necessary. She wanted to regain her trust. "I've done it before."

"Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, I have no idea what your life is really like," her mother said matter-of-factly and shrugged her shoulders. "I am not even sure I know you anymore."

"Mom, I'm sorry I had to lie to you. And I don't want to do that anymore. That's why I am telling you now."

"You _had_ to lie to me? About staying at your boyfriend's place?"

"No, I meant in general, when I had to sneak out to go on patrol."

"How often do you go on patrol?"

"Almost every night."

"Every night? But… that's a lot. Do you get enough sleep?"

"I get by. But I should get going now. Do you have a problem if I stay at Angel's?"

"It's a week night." Joyce was reluctant to prohibit something outright. She had the feeling that she had missed out on a huge part of her daughter's life already and now she didn't want to lose her completely.

"I know."

"Let me guess, you've done it before."

"Vampires don't care about week nights or weekends or school. But I didn't sneak out when I was grounded," Buffy pointed out. She didn't mention that that had been the time when she had been incapacitated because of the shot wound.

"You didn't?" Joyce asked surprised. "But didn't you go on patrol?"

"Angel took over for me."

"Oh, that was nice of him."

"So, would you mind?"

"And if I say no? Would you see him anyway?"

Buffy sighed. "We might run into each other on patrol anyway. But I'd come back here afterwards, if you want me to. But you can't keep me from seeing him indefinitely."

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"Mom!"

"Are you?"

"No."

"He is so much older than you. I mean… how old is he exactly?"

"That's complicated."

"You want me to trust you again. But you are evading my questions."

Buffy just wanted her mother to get accustomed to her being the Slayer and Angel being a vampire and her boyfriend. She had planned to drop the pieces of information that were harder to digest in well-timed intervals. She didn't want her mother too prejudiced right from the beginning. But it probably wouldn't make much of a difference now anyway. "To be honest, I am not sure what year he was born. But he was turned into a vampire in 1753 and regained his soul in 1898."

"Wow, this is a lot to get used to."

"I know," Buffy said sympathetically.

Once this new bit of information had sunk in, Joyce looked at her daughter, who was still standing in the doorway, ready to face the evil that awaited her outside in the darkness. Dressed all in dark she had a bag slung over her shoulder and looked at her expectantly. "What's in the bag?" It looked rather heavy.

"Weapons," Buffy said, trying to be patient.

"That's a lot of weapons."

"Usually a stake will do. But I like to be prepared."

"That's good."

"Mom, I have to go."

"So you'll meet Angel on patrol?"

"I don't know. It's possible. But we didn't make any arrangements for tonight."

Joyce didn't want to let her daughter go. But she obviously had no choice.

"Mom?"

"Go see Angel afterwards. I don't mind." That wasn't quite the truth. She did mind. But apparently her daughter's life was anything else but easy. And after having been grounded for so long she probably deserved some time with her boyfriend. And like Buffy had said, she couldn't keep her from seeing him indefinitely. Since finding out about Buffy's secret double life, Joyce wasn't really sure how to handle her anymore. She was afraid to drive her daughter away. Buffy was a lot more independent than Joyce had thought. She was obviously very well capable of taking care of herself. And if Joyce believed what Giles had said, Buffy was also a lot more responsible than she had given her credit for. All in all, she should probably trust her daughter to act responsibly in other areas of her life as well.

"Are you sure?"

Joyce nodded. "I need some time to think this all through anyway. But maybe you could call when you get to Angel, just so that I know you are alright?"

"Sure, but it might be late, depending on how much is happening out there."

"That's okay."

Buffy was about to leave, when her mother added, "Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"You and Angel, you are… careful, right?"

"Careful?"

"I mean, you two… I don't even know… if it makes a difference…"

"Please, mom, if this is what I think it is-"

"No, Buffy, this is important. When people are in love, they get careless and forget to… use protection."

"Mom, please!"

"Buffy, I want you to listen. If you are not careful… it's important that, if you do it… whenever you do it… you'll use protection."

"Mom!"

"This is important. Even if he doesn't want to use protection, you will insist."

"Mom, please, this isn't necessary."

"If he really loves you, he won't even try talking you out of it. But if he does, if he refuses, then he can't really care about you."

"Mom, Angel is a vampire. He can't get me pregnant."

"What?" Joyce hadn't really given that any thought yet. "I… I meant… I was thinking of sexually transmitted diseases."

"Oh. Well, that's not possible either."

"He can't have children?" Joyce asked, still processing this information.

"No, mom. Vampires can't have children."

"But…"

"I really gotta go, mom."

* * *

When Buffy arrived at Angel's place he wasn't there. They had obviously missed each other on patrol. Buffy decided to wait for him anyway. She was tired from patrol and mentally exhausted from the exchange with her mother so she made herself comfortable on his bed and quickly fell asleep.

When Angel came back to his apartment he found Buffy curled up in his bed. He wondered why she had come by. Had she had an argument with her mother? But she looked rather peaceful in her sleep. Very carefully, not wanting to wake her, he lay down behind her and put an arm around her waist.

Buffy stirred. "You are back," she murmured, still half-asleep.

"Yeah. Everything okay?"

"Yes." She turned around and snuggled closer.

"Then go back to sleep. It's still in the middle of the night."

Buffy wrapped her arm around his torso and closed her eyes again. But she wasn't tired enough to fall asleep again. The hour or two of sleep had taken the edge off her tiredness.

Angel noticed that her hand was tightly balled into a fist, grabbing his shirt. Softly, he slid a hand along her back. Every muscle was tense, as was the rest of her body. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Did you have an argument with your mother?"

"No, not really. It was just… we had a very awkward talk."

"About?"

Buffy rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "Sex."

"Oh."

"And protection against sexually transmitted diseases." Deliberately, Buffy left out the part about pregnancy.

"Oh."

"Yeah. And considering we can't… it was even more pointless."

"I see."

"Forget about it," Buffy said. "Let's go back to sleep. I really need to sleep. I have school tomorrow. I only get to stay over here if I can manage school, slaying and our relationship without being completely sleep-deprived."

"Well, if that's the case," Angel said and bent over Buffy, "maybe I can help." He placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Close your eyes." Buffy obeyed. "Relax." He placed another kiss on her collarbone. "Let it go." Then he kissed her shoulder. "You are here with me now. It's just you and me." Next, he placed a kiss on her throat. "Forget about everything else." He placed tiny kisses along her arm. "It's not important right now." When he reached her hand, he took it and kissed every single knuckle. "Relax. Sleep."

It was starting to work. The inner tension left Buffy's body. Her limps became heavy. Angel's voice was keeping her troubling thoughts at bay. "Don't stop talking."

"I won't." He lay down next to her again and puller her close to his body. He started telling her how beautiful she was, how much he desired her, how much he had missed her. Gradually he lowered his voice and only stopped when he was sure she had fallen asleep again.

* * *

Angel woke up a few hours before dawn. Something had woken him. It didn't take him long to figure out what it was. It was Buffy. She was moaning in her sleep. At first he thought she was having a nightmare. He was about to wake her, but then she started to talk in her sleep.

"Angel… oh, Angel… feels so good…"

And then he could smell her arousal. She was having an erotic dream of them together. It brought a smile to his face knowing that she would dream about them, that she would want him that much. He watched her for a while and stroked his fingertips along her face. But then his smile turned to discomfort. Her moaning and smell were starting to arouse him.

Buffy's hands were grabbing the sheets tightly and her breathing quickened. "Angel… don't stop…"

Angel bent over her, placing a kiss on her forehead, then on her cheek and next on her throat. He placed his hand on her ribcage, where just the thin sheet and her sleep shirt separated her skin from his. Slowly he slid his hand lower towards her waist, then over her hip and even lower to her thigh. Buffy's breathing got more and more irregular. And Angel felt himself harden even more.

"Angel… I love you…"

"I love you too," he whispered. He considered helping her out, bringing her to climax. But in the condition he was in he was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop. He told himself that it wouldn't be right anyway. Even though she was moaning his name she was deep asleep. It wasn't right. And it was too dangerous. Placing one last and gentle kiss on her lips, he forcefully pushed himself away from her. He sat on the edge of the bed for a while, his head buried in his hands. But Buffy's voice and her arousal were getting to him. He had to get out of there. Quickly he changed into some pants, shirt and shoes. He cast one last glance at Buffy writhing on his bed. Then he left the apartment, closing the door quietly, and went out into the cool night.

* * *

Angel walked around aimlessly. The cool night air helped to some degree. But he couldn't get the picture of Buffy lying on his bed, moaning in ecstasy, out of his mind. He didn't really want to either. Seeing her that way was a feast for his eyes. She'd been so controlled around him since they'd come back. Except for some slight blunders and some teasing here and there, she had been careful not to tempt him too much. And even though he didn't doubt that she still wanted him as much as he wanted her, hearing her moan his name in her sleep gave him a great deal of satisfaction.

* * *

When he arrived back at his apartment shortly before sunrise, he found Buffy sitting on his bed, her back to the wall, legs pulled towards her body and hugging her knees. She looked at him with a strange look, almost scared. "Angel?"

He was immediately at her side. "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

Buffy's lips moved but she wasn't able to form any words.

"What happened?"

"You were gone…"

"I'm sorry. I went for a-"

"I woke up and you were gone. And I didn't know what happened."

Angel realized that she wasn't wearing the necklace he had given her. "We did travel back in time. It's real."

"No, no! I dreamt that… we had made love. I mean… I thought I had dreamt that, but when I woke up and you weren't there… and I was here alone… in your bed…"

"Oh God," it dawned on Angel what had happened.

"It was just like when we first…" Buffy had a hard time talking, her mouth was completely dry. "And I wasn't sure… I thought we had lost control… and… and you weren't there." Buffy looked at him miserably. "And I didn't know what to do."

When Buffy had woken, she had remembered her dream, thinking how wonderful it had been. She had rolled over to snuggle into Angel and doze a little longer, wanting to keep up the illusion that they were basking in the after-glow. But when the bed next to her had been empty, she had instantly been awake. She had called his name and when he hadn't answered, she had questioned if her dream had really been a dream. The only other time she had awoken alone in his bed – besides the one time Kendra had tried to kill her - was after her seventeenth birthday. And in that moment the only reason Buffy had been able to come up with why Angel would have left the apartment without waking her was the most dreadful reason of all.

Angel pulled Buffy into his arms. "Oh, love, I am so sorry. I just went out for a walk. I didn't think. I'm sorry."

Buffy pushed him away. Suddenly she was yelling at him. "Where were you? Where the hell did you go so shortly before sunrise? Where were you?"

"I am sorry, Buffy. It didn't occur to me that you would think…" He cursed himself for having been so weak. He took her hands. "Buffy, you did dream. You dreamt about us making love and-"

"How do you know that?" Buffy asked confused.

"You were talking in your sleep, and moaning."

"Oh."

"And I… I couldn't… you were so desirable. You said my name over and over again. You talked about how good it felt. I just couldn't stay here. I was afraid I would give in to the temptation."

"Oh, Angel, I am sorry."

"Don't be. It was… you were… a beautiful sight."

Buffy blushed.

"I just never thought that you would wake up and think that we had actually slept with each other. I didn't even think you would be awake this early or remember your dream. I didn't think at all. I'm sorry."

"You couldn't have known. I overreacted. I was just disoriented," Buffy tried to downplay her reaction.

"It won't happen again," Angel said.

"You can't promise that. And I understand why you left. It's okay."

"No, I mean, I won't let you wake up alone anymore."

"Angel, you can't promise that either."

"I could leave a note should this happen again."

Thoughtfully, Buffy nodded. "Yeah, maybe. But I guess it was just because last night… and this bed, your apartment… and waking up alone here… Once Dru and Spike are gone, you can move to the mansion. Because even if Acathla won't happened, I want them gone from Sunnydale. Either they leave on their own or I'll make them."

Angel doubted that just the surroundings were the problem. They were slowly starting to test the boundaries, which was probably why Buffy had had an erotic dream in the first place. "Come on, let's get another hour of sleep," Angel said and beckoned her to lie down with him. Even though it would soon start to get light, it was still early in the morning.

Buffy gladly followed his lead. She snuggled into his side, putting her arm across his chest. "I am sorry," she said after a while. "Sorry that I put you through this, tempted you."

"Don't be sorry. In a way, I did enjoy it. Before I left… I just watched you for a while," he admitted.

"You watched me?" Buffy raised her head to look at him.

Angel gave her a sheepish smile. "I couldn't help myself. You were so beautiful, so…" He looked at her lovingly.

"So?"

"I just couldn't look away. And hearing you call my name like that…"

"Whose name should I be calling?" Buffy asked amused. But the joke obviously hit a nerve with Angel. His face was suddenly solemn. "Angel, it was a joke. You will never hear me say another name but yours, no matter if I am awake or asleep," Buffy said seriously. "No other name will ever cross my lips, no matter if I am delirious or in ecstasy." She knew, because she had only ever been very worried about saying another's name when she had been with Riley.

"I know. I don't doubt that. I just… it was just incredible to hear you say it. It's been so long."

"I know."

Buffy was starting to doze off again. But Angel was still wide awake. He couldn't get the events from earlier out of his mind. He had been too afraid to take any action. He had wanted to, but he didn't trust himself. He'd have to overcome that fear. He'd have to be sure he'd be able to handle it. He wanted to be able to take care of her needs. They needed to move beyond the current status quo of their relationship. If they couldn't be together, really be together, he at least wanted to be able to satisfy her, mainly for her sake, but also for his. It would give him great satisfaction and ease of mind if he was able to pleasure her. There was no reason why he shouldn't be able to do it, neither physically nor curse-wise. It was simply in his mind. He just had to conquer his mind. He'd think of something. He had to. For her he could do it. It wasn't a question of if, only of when.

TBC


End file.
